Valuing Friendship So Much More Than Others

You could try getting into similar activities that others are doing (that you want to be friends with). Even if you don't become friends right away, it will allow you to meet more people.

I do know what you are talking about though: in college there was someone that I really wanted to get to know. Unfortunately, I was so busy with my career path that I never did go and hang out. I regret that I did not take the chance, but it just ended up that way.

Maybe you can go directly to that person and try to be friends? Try finding out what they like besides their career: you may have something in common.

 

I know exactly how you feel, and am the same way. Particular with the AP class thing. I was always the odd one out in highschool because I was pretty much the only person who wanted to learn, just for the sake of learning, and that I cared to be true friends with people, not just knowing them in passing. Don't get me wrong, I am very career oriented (I WILL get my p.H.d in organic chemistry, even if it kills me!), but at the same time personal relationships are so important to me. I hate feeling like I am just a forced aquantiance with someone. It's fake and unconfortable. Again this is at odds with my career path and choice, but I intend to subvert all of this and be personable witj everyone.

 

Agree with all the above sentiments. It's something of a cosmic joke I think - purpose built for friendship and destined to aloneness. I have to smile. It gets me through.

 

I've had the same viewpoint for a long time. Good, close friends > everything else

 

At least one trustworthy friend is pretty much a need for me. I've lived with and without this. I have one good buddy at home with whom I can share my personal vulnerabilities and faults, but who loves the imperfect, unguarded me. External things like money or success are meaningless to me except as a means to an end of making life more secure and helping those I love reach their potential.

 

yeah....... ALWAYS
i notice that most of the people around me are VERY VERY self centered and build relationships for their own personal gains, or they use the person for popularity, revenge, etc....

I notice that most of my friends' friendships are not on the level i can call friendship. there's nothing that much deep about it. of course there's support and all but it's not that full force friendship
i am also very willing to give everything i can give for true friendship BUT......
nobody even cares about building deep friendships nowadays....

so i guess it leaves me depressed, disappointed, hopeless, and very very very sad

 

What do INFJs mean when they use the term "full force friendship" and "True friendship"?

 

hahahahaha... do others use "full force friendship"!?!? ahahhaa i think it's kind of like my gay lingo... ahahahha but what i mean by full force friendship is...i don't know!!!! hahahaha it's hard to explain.... cuz for me, i give everything to my friends.. i don't expect much in return but then i don't really get ANYTHING in return.. i give everything i have!!!!!!!!!! and i'm left alone, hurt, they also leave me and i don't know what else.......so full force for me means like... someone who will equally give what i give (i don't mean material things).. someone who i feel really cares for me.. ahahha

sorry i can't explain what i said.. i can NEVER EXPLAIN... i can just feel these things

 

For me it means those rare friendships that are balanced. The ones where the other person reciprocates the acts of kindness, generosity and love that I give to them. the ones that listen as much as they like to be listened to. The ones who send Birthday cards or write back when I've written to them.

There are plenty of people who enjoy taking advantage of my friendship, but I wouldn't call them friends at all, althought they might think of it as a friendship. A true friend for me is one who shares in the friendship rather than just takes from it.

 

Would you violate your values for a full force friendship?

 

Basically full force friendship means you love your friend so much you'll get screwed over for them.

I know of this type of friendship.

 

I kind of understand what you're saying, but it's at times like this that I question my INFJ-ness. I try to be as unselfish and respectful to my friends in the same way that I try to be to other people, but most of my friendships with people lack depth. I might be tiny bit more open to them than I am with others, but to be honest, they probably know only a little more about me than my acquaintances do, whereas I probably know nearly all there is to know about them. That might suggest some lack of effort on my part, but for some reason, I have become really detached from people, even my friends. A part of me does really want to have deep, meaningful friendships, but then I sort of think that many people do not share the same desire, which is fine with me. It would be nice to have that 'full force friendship', but I can understand why other people may not have such a strong feeling about friendship and it doesn't really affect me emotionally. A true friendship is what I want, but it doesn't depress me that I don't have one.

 

Actually a lot of people do and that is how they operate. Unless you count the few hours of small talk as the friendship phase.

 

I'm just going to post a big fat

"agree."

I usually don't feel like my friends and I connect.

I admit, I'm taking higher level courses to boost my GPA, but I really could care less about careers. My mother tells me I should be a little more money focused, but it's just not in me.