Valuing Friendship So Much More Than Others

[DeadlyPacifist]

I'm taking AP Calculus 'cause it's naturally the next math course I would take...I could take no math classes, but I'll most likely go to college and it'll just be much cheaper/saves time if I take it now. I really love English, so I'm taking AP English. English has been SO helpful. When my friends give me their papers to edit, I can give them so many pointers, and they end up with a better grade and it makes me feel happy that I could help them =). I used to think it was such a bother that my teachers made us use a format when writing essays...[TS,CD,CM,CM,CD....etc] and all of these rules, but it's really helpful. I also love language in general since it's what we use to communicate. Vocab is useful..I like to learn new vocab ^^ Dictionary.com is one of my best buddies. LOL. And then AP US History is just because reg. US History has lots of projects and I hate projects -_-. So yeah..I feel like I have pretty good reasons for taking the AP classes I do. I don't really want to put myself through hell just because "it looks good on a college app."

*HIGH FIVE!*

 

[Nela]

Agree with all the above sentiments. It's something of a cosmic joke I think - purpose built for friendship and destined to aloneness. I have to smile. It gets me through.

You took the words right out of my mouth.

 

[Ria]

it's taken 38 yrs to find others like myself. My one close friend in my town is INFJ too, and the other one is ENFJ. I love them both sooo much and we r there for eachother. There is the rest of the group of friends in the next town (family to me), and the guy who is like my older brother, he is also ENFJ but used to test INFJ. We r all pretty much the same, we all give as much as eachother.

but it's taken me all this time to find them...

 

[Puck]

it's taken 38 yrs to find others like myself. My one close friend in my town is INFJ too, and the other one is ENFJ. I love them both sooo much and we r there for eachother. There is the rest of the group of friends in the next town (family to me), and the guy who is like my older brother, he is also ENFJ but used to test INFJ. We r all pretty much the same, we all give as much as eachother.

but it's taken me all this time to find them...

That's so cool Ria. I'm happy for you. There is hope people. Ria has proven it to us. This calls for a celebration.

 

[DeadlyPacifist]

I'm happy for you =). As for myself, future stuffs/possibilities provides no stimulation of hope or happiness for me..I'm the "need to have it now" type. Haha x_X

 

[Nela]

I'd be willing to put so much into a friendship to make it work...I try to focus on myself more, because I don't want to be disappointed by my friends and be in a mess if they hurt me, but that holds me back from truly being myself, and I feel like I'm doing something that's not "me."

Does anyone know what I'm talking about?

Yeah I relate. I've been thinking about this for a while now. I've come to realize that I might be valuing friendship way too much, even. I usually end up getting too attached to the people I come to like, which makes me prone to getting hurt. Like you said, I'd do anything to make things work with the people that are important to me. But it seems, no matter how hard you try, no matter how much you put into these friendships, in the end most people don't even care. They care about other.. things, but not about developing meaningful relationships with people. I'm tired of always being the one investing in a friendship that for the other one doesn't even seem to be all that important after all.

I can't help but think that there is something wrong with me for liking people, caring about them, and wanting to be a good friend. It never seems to be enough, or just not of much importance, indeed.

 

[Top cat]

I also value friendships.. and I don't like to be friends with just anyone

There was a time when I was 'forced' into being friends with someone
They were just so nasty if I didn't pay attention to them
but I couldn't bring myself to... I just felt like, another source of entertainment for them. The more people they had around them, the better they felt
Constant conversations about nothingness.
Empty word after empty word
And even when we had conversations, she would get impatient (I seem to drone on a bit or ask too many questions to get her thinking)... so I would leave her alone and the next thing I know, she's complaining again I don't pay attention to her

*rolls eyes*



And what's worse, nobody could understand why I didn't like her
I seemed to be only one who didn't like her (@_@)

 

[Solar Empath]

The most important thing to me is my relationship with other human beings. Screw money, screw "success." I feel like a lot of people around me are so self centered and focused on their own goals and stuff, and relationships with others seem so trivial in the scheme of their goals...and it really makes me sad. I'd be willing to put so much into a friendship to make it work...I try to focus on myself more, because I don't want to be disappointed by my friends and be in a mess if they hurt me, but that holds me back from truly being myself, and I feel like I'm doing something that's not "me." For example, I'd be willing to get a job that was flexible with a close friend's schedule if they needed me for something, and it means nothing to them and they just blow me off. Also even if a lot of people are in clubs or sports or w/e, they aren't really..friends they're just buddies because of that common interest, and basically only do stuff surrounding it...but others are so important to me. Perhaps this is just my/the INFJ complex? :\ It makes it so hard. When others just seem nonchalant about moving, or something. I also can't stand goodbyes...but yeah, at school, especially in AP classes, people are so career oriented. O_O This one guy doesn't seem to even want friends...perhaps he likes being a loner? I don't understand it..I want to be his friend...but he just doesn't seem to care..

Does anyone know what I'm talking about?

Yup, I feel most of this. I think that concentrating on myself as well as others lets me help them more, so I do try to make sure I am taken care of along with everyone else.

 

[Grasshopper]

I agree, the people in my life are far more important to me than anything else. I would do anything I could to help a friend, but we live in a culture where it would seem weird or even unreasonable to change your schedule to help a friend or move to be closer to a friend etc. I wish everyone would just be more loving. Maybe it's just an INFJ thing, we care so much.

 

[Top cat]

...I try to focus on myself more, because I don't want to be disappointed by my friends and be in a mess if they hurt me, but that holds me back from truly being myself, and I feel like I'm doing something that's not "me."

i totally relate to this part.. Even in terms of career goals, it's easier for me to think outside of myself.. to not think about what I want, but rather what other people need and are looking for. It's so much easier and natural for me to work this way and I also develop a lot more ideas..
I could see myself in a job like this and I would love the job.. as opposed to one where I am working just for myself. For things I do for myself, I'd rather there would be no pay and that it not be a job-- there's some kind of pressure and burden that gets lifted off when I can just focus on someone else's needs other than my own