unintentional emotional intimacy

[Gaze]

Just curious about anyone else who has experiences with unintended emotional intimacy and the outcomes. what i mean by this is, situations in which you develop feelings of interest or attachment for someone because you've shared something personal or you've had a moment, but you're really not interested or want to develop a relationship. You've simply developed feelings which seem like attraction but aren't, because you had an emotionally vulnerable or emotionally intimate moment with them which leads to feel more for them than you expected simply because you shared something personal with them and/or they shared something personal with you.

sounds confusing but i hope the main idea seems apparent

 

[Faye]

I've never had this problem; I would be attracted if that was the nature of the situation.

 

[IndigoSensor]

I do not get this, however I do have several friends who get this (mostly FP's come to mind) and have talked to me about it on several occasions.

 

[randomsomeone]

I have had this happen on several occasions in life....dear, dear friends who I loved in many ways. We shared ideas and discussions about deep and profound things. We formed real soul connections. I love them still and always will, though our paths will never cross again. Friendship of this type is one of the greatest gift life can give. I treasure these friendships greatly.

 

[Raccoon Love]

Yes, I've had this happen to me. I do not know the person very well, I am just engaging in interaction, not intending on forming any sort of relation. I end up accidentally revealing quite a bit, and the person does too. In the end I never want the moment to end or disappear and I feel like I must now be connected to the person and the thought of never seeing that person again makes me sad. I don't know why I develop such attraction, it just happens.

 

[Gaze]

Yes, I've had this happen to me. I do not know the person very well, I am just engaging in interaction, not intending on forming any sort of relation. I end up accidentally revealing quite a bit, and the person does too. In the end I never want the moment to end or disappear and I feel like I must now be connected to the person and the thought of never seeing that person again makes me sad. I don't know why I develop such attraction, it just happens.

yep, you described it pretty well.

 

[kucala]

I get this somewhat, but attraction is the wrong word, IMO.

 

[Odyne]

I think I know what you're talking about, and I think it could be appreciation. When you share something intimate or of value or show a vulnerability to someone whom you didn't expect to see it and they end up understanding or relating, you develop a grateful appreciation for that person.

It isn't friendship and it isn't a relationship, but it is a beautiful kind of bond. =)

 

[Gaze]

I get this somewhat, but attraction is the wrong word, IMO.

you're right, i'm not sure attraction is the right word. i'm still trying to figure out what word best describes it.

 

[randomsomeone]

you develop a grateful appreciation for that person.

Very, very true. I remember once trying to explain something to one of these friends, and she looked straight in my eyes and said, "Yes, John, and this is because you...." and she proceeded to explain the whole thing beautifully, with complete conviction, like she knew exactly how I ticked inside. And she was right!! It was a bit disarming, yes, but very special, too.

 

[jyrffw54]

The best way I describe this encounter is one with the intimate stranger.

 

[Jana]

Hm, hm. I know something similar...I can be in moods or situation when becoming attracted can be sort of relief. Usually it is not long and I don't tra aanything,it is just that I need something to hold on...

 

[Siamese cat]

While I was in high school I went to trip with some friends to mountains. It was winter, everything was under ice and snow. One day I went with one of the girls (whom I knew only superficially) for a walk, and we got hit by a car while doing it. We weren't badly hurt, but she was in shock and since I wasn't (I have a crisis mode and all of those things that hit someone while in shock, tend to affect me much later) I managed to stop a car, and get us to a hospital for a check. The two of us have very little in common, and never before that had an inclination to be friends, but that incident put some kind of pressure that we should be friends because of what we have gone through.


This isn't from the perspective of sexual relationships but it was an unintentional emotional connection. We both saw each other in a very vulnerable moment. We both had feelings that what has happened bonded us, though in fact it didn't in the long run.

 

[invisible]

i have this all the time. very very frequently. i never used to. but now all the time. it makes me feel a little uncomfortable but i'm not sure how to stop it. sometimes it feels almost like we have crushes on each other and i go to different businesses all the time to avoid certain servicepeople who i have these exchanges with. i just try to be polite about it. is this the right way to relate to people?

 

[Bird]

I do not have emotionally intimate
moments with people that I do not
care about/am not attracted to.

 

[Gaze]

The best way I describe this encounter is one with the intimate stranger.

i have this all the time. very very frequently. i never used to. but now all the time. it makes me feel a little uncomfortable but i'm not sure how to stop it. sometimes it feels almost like we have crushes on each other and i go to different businesses all the time to avoid certain servicepeople who i have these exchanges with. i just try to be polite about it. is this the right way to relate to people?

yep, this "intimate stranger" occurs pretty frequently with me as well. it feels weird.

 

[Kgal]

This happens to you too? Whew.... I'm glad to see others have to deal with this phenomenon. This happens to me quite often - has for years and years. When I was younger - I would get it confused with passion or desire for the other. Back in those days, I wouldn't have much interaction with women, so the connection would happen most often with men.

Now it happens with both genders - quite frequently. I am much more open to receiving what the person in front of me is "projecting" (I don't know what word to call it). It's their energy, their aura, and yes - like someone else said- their vulnerability. I think all of this takes place because I am so open to them. I swear people look at me and then say "I know you" - or - "Don't I know you from somewhere?". They feel me as being familiar, safe, and then they open themselves up.

Next thing I know I'm hearing their "story" and quite often feel myself swept up into their lives - be it postive or negative. Sometimes I think I'm absorbing and feeling the pure joy of being - human - the knowing that we are all connected. Quite often I'm in my heart and share the knowledge that's there - with the person in front of me. I think maybe that's our intuition.

At any rate - when we part - I feel the bond breaking and sense a loss within me. It makes me sad for a bit.
Then I go on to engage the next one.

 

[poshlost]

Yeah, it's the backlash of any one on one interation with someone interesting for more than one hour for me, and it's always reciprocal. Now I just cut my conversations short.

 

[Morgain]

Just curious about anyone else who has experiences with unintended emotional intimacy and the outcomes. what i mean by this is, situations in which you develop feelings of interest or attachment for someone because you've shared something personal or you've had a moment, but you're really not interested or want to develop a relationship. You've simply developed feelings which seem like attraction but aren't, because you had an emotionally vulnerable or emotionally intimate moment with them which leads to feel more for them than you expected simply because you shared something personal with them and/or they shared something personal with you.

sounds confusing but i hope the main idea seems apparent

I have this too sometimes and I really enjoy when it happens!

It mostely happens with someone I already know who does something or say something I really really respect. Mostly when this person shows genuinly care (for me/someone/the group/the cause... ). I than instantly "fall in love" with that person. Not that I want a relationship with him/her or that I'm physicaly attracted. But it has generated a feeling of love/pride/admiration and that makes the person more attractive than he was before. Someone that has shown to be a sincere caring person has earned a lot of credits with me and I would go through fire for him.

 

[Wyote]

I think this is more adoration than anything. My whole life is based on finding/creating emotional intimacy with people. If you confuse emotional intimacy with love, you'll find yourself feeling quite awkward around nearly everyone you relate well to.

The people I keep in my life are very emotionally intimate with me and express all sorts of things I'm certain they wouldn't dream of showing to most others. I thrive on this. I want to know and understand people and reciprocate compassion on as deep a level as possible.

Love is an entirely different animal. It goes beyond intimacy for me. People fuck around all the time and tell random strangers their darkest secrets all while feeling really great and attached momentarily, doesn't mean they're in love.

I bring this up because I think it's a very important distinction to make between emotional intimacy and love and so many people confuse the two. If they could simply seperate them their lives would be far more enriched, and they would be able to reach new levels of intimacy with everyone they come across with much less fear and confusion.