Understanding the INFJ Doorslam
- Thread starter Ren
- Start date
(jk)
Great thread!
I have one more thought to add to the milieu. I have door slammed a few times and for me, there had been months (and sometimes years) in each relationship where I had fought and maneuvered and striven to do everything I could think of to "fix" it. With each, there came that "Eureka!" moment Ren referenced.
But for me, the "Eureka!" was the realization that no matter what I did, this wasn't getting any better. It came with the sudden and intense discovery that I was helpless to change things... it was essentially a loss of hope. Each time, that hopeless feeling was triggered by something the other party said or did and I had a flash of intuition that mentally slammed the door on improvement and therefore sealed in the label "toxic" beyond hope of recall.
So for me, the Fe is what keeps me hanging on, sometimes way too long, to a bad situation, but the Ni is what finally gets me to wise up to the idea things aren't getting any better.
- Sep 28, 2008
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you don't reverse the slam.
give them space and time, and depending on the circumstances they might consider letting you back in.
Feels a bit one-sided. How much space and time is needed?
The reason I am asking is because I’d like to reach out to someone. I don’t know if it was an official doorslam, but it felt like it.
So who should reach out to who in these cases, and if I should reach out, what’s the best approach? What needs to be said to move things in the right direction
The reason I am asking is because I’d like to reach out to someone. I don’t know if it was an official doorslam, but it felt like it.
So who should reach out to who in these cases, and if I should reach out, what’s the best approach? What needs to be said to move things in the right direction
I think most of it was confusion from lack of communication.
There were issues on both sides but I don’t think anything that couldn’t be cleared up with conversation.
There were issues on both sides but I don’t think anything that couldn’t be cleared up with conversation.
From my experience, it’s usually better for the INFJ to come forward because the hang ups are usually on their end. I’m more of an unconditional and unlimited chances person
Only issue is sometimes you have to nudge them or they won’t bother even if they want to
Only issue is sometimes you have to nudge them or they won’t bother even if they want to
Rowan Tree
Community Member
Many INFJs dislike confrontation, which is one reason for the door slam. If the issue was complicated, they might be worried that you are going to put them on the spot. Giving them space and then approaching them in a way that eases the tension might be the way forward, but it's hard to judge without some specifics.
Haha, INFJs are generally more neurotic than some types, less neurotic than others.
Could I just say something that directly addresses the hang up
“I’m not going to put you on the spot for anything. Just wanted to reach out”
“I’m not going to put you on the spot for anything. Just wanted to reach out”
Rowan Tree
Community Member
If what happened was genuinely trivial, that's probably a sound approach.
Feels incredibly one-sided. I know things are relative, but this feels a bit much. How much space is needed, it’s been a month
Last edited:
- Sep 28, 2008
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- Sep 28, 2008
- 41,244
- 246,679
- 4,281
- MBTI
- INFJ
- Enneagram
- 954 so/sx
- Sep 28, 2008
- 41,244
- 246,679
- 4,281
- MBTI
- INFJ
- Enneagram
- 954 so/sx
Walk somewhere else. That's the point.
Fair, but if one is able to be who they are free from judgement, and the other is not, that’s an imbalanced relationship on any level
- Sep 28, 2008
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Good. You pissed them off enough to actually doorslam. Tough shit.
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"Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart
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