Trust | INFJ Forum

Trust

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Faye, Mar 31, 2009.

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  1. Faye

    Faye ^_^
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    You can't trust anyone in this world. Most people have secret agendas. Others are too insecure to do anything but manipulate others. Everyone lies. If you are lucky (well, unlucky), you might become friends with a garden variety sociopath (or even a not-so-garden-variety sociopath), someone who feels no emotions and cannot understand why they should not use and abuse others.

    I'm so naive. People tell me that I shouldn't be afraid of talking (and doing), but I can't trust anyone. Nobody really wants me around. Whats the point?
     
  2. Milon

    Milon Director of Glomps
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    Sounds like you're going through a crappy time of it right now. How do you know no one wants you around?
     
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  3. just me

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    Trust is a very large word. Might I be so bold as to ask what you are wanting to trust someone with?
     
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  4. mayflow

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    Exactly what are you trusting or not trusting others of, and if you trust in yourself, then there really is no problem anymore, is there? "To thine own self be true" and then you are true to everyone, aren't you?
     
  5. just me

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    Meanwhile back in the year twenty-one
    When you belonged to no one
    You didn't stand a chance, son
    If your pants were undone
    Cause you were bred for humanity
    And sold to society
    You better wake up
    In the present tense
    A million generations
    Removed from expectations
    Of being who they really want to be
    Skating away on the thin ice of a new day
    Skating Away
    Can someone copy and paste the words to that, as I cannot
    http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/jethrotull/skatingawayonthethiniceofthenewday.html
     
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    #5 just me, Apr 1, 2009
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2009
  6. just me

    just me GONE

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    I was curious, but must admit it to be true we cannot trust everyone.
    We trust someone with our heart and they step all over it and abuse it daily.
    We trust someone with a secret and hear about it the next day from someone else. We trust someone with our money and never see it again.
    People earn my trust. I give freely a bit, but with much time a lot.
     
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  7. tovlo

    tovlo Well-known member

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    I think I may understand the experience I sense you are communicating. I believe there is a white flip side to this dark view and somewhere in the midst is a muddy gray reality.

    Some people will betray the trust given them. Probably all people will betray someone's trust at some point. Certainly you will experience the trust you risk reeling out being betrayed, but hopefully you will also experience those who hold it with care. I'm willing to bet if you examine hard you will see those who already have.

    People are fallible. Some can behave maliciously. I believe most (perhaps all) are doing the best they can with the resources they have available. If someone has a secret agenda it is likely because they are afraid of something too. We all have the ability to lift up or to trip up others. I do very much understand how that darkness in people could frighten you. I hope eventually glimmers of compassionate light are able to soften dark fear.

    It is difficult to bear your fears when you are alone with them. I heard you speak my own dark fears in this post. I'm very glad you are here. I pray something I've said can offer you back some light in return.

    My suspicion, based on my own experience, is that this is precisely where the fear may rest. If you are afraid you will be unable to sense the clues of deceit or betrayal and be harmed because of that inability, then you can become hyper-sensitive to any small sign of it, until the world becomes so closed in and dark you no longer believe light exists.
     
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  8. OP
    Faye

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    Some do, but I can't be sure because some people are nice to your face and really just want you to go get away from them. It takes awhile for it to come out or for me to realize it sometimes.

    Trust in general is the issue.

    I can't trust myself either.

    Well, thank you for this, but what would the white flip side be?
     
  9. Milon

    Milon Director of Glomps
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    Why do you not trust yourself? How do you not trust yourself?

    For me, the flip white side is INFJ forums and my close friends - people who I can open up to, who I can trust.
    True, reality is in the middle, but I haven't had my trust here broken before.
     
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  10. tovlo

    tovlo Well-known member

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    Well, I guess the white flip side would be something I don't really think exists in earthly form. The white flip side would be purely altruistic souls whose only concern is love and who have no fears and are so secure in sense of self that they need not harm another to defend.

    I don't expect to see that pure expression in my earthly life. But I do make an effort to look for the existing glimmers of white mixed into the gray of my experience. I try to put what whiteness I can manage into the world by, whenever I am strong enough, letting go of my own fears and ego protection and looking on others with compassion for their frailties. These are choices that keep me from being consumed by the black and hopefully sometimes I do manage to return a little white into the murk.
     
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    #10 tovlo, Apr 1, 2009
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2009
  11. Milon

    Milon Director of Glomps
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    I read somewhere that hell is a wonderful feast on a table that everyone is sitting at... and nobody has any elbows. Heaven is the same feast, and no one has any elbows, but everybody feeds each other. Think about that. How beautiful! That's the flip side!
     
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  12. yepunsarang

    yepunsarang Community Member

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    Ahh~ I've felt this way a lot, too, you know? But when it rolls down to everything, I have to admit that i've met people (my dearest, dearest, friends) who I trust very much. Some, I hesitate to trust more than others---but, even if I know that they're my closest friends and that they "should" in a utopian world, want to forsake their lives for me, that it has nothing really to do with how good they are inside.

    It's hard to explain---but the way society is, the way the world is, the way things situate themselves, makes it hard for everyone, or at least most people to trust others completely. Although it's sad, it's the truth---But to know that I have people who would sacrifice their lives for me (although in the minority) or just people who I love immensely and them I, makes me so happy.

    But in trust, I do trust a handful of people very much, because I know they love me very deeply as I them. I'm sure there are people out there who you can trust, cause i've met some of them. Patience, fate, will put them in your life. Have faith in people...even when you sometimes don't want to, even if everyday you see people who defy your wanting to believe in goodness. It exists.
     
  13. yepunsarang

    yepunsarang Community Member

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    PS- Don't be afraid of being afraid of trusting others <---hahaha, wow, sounds long and winded. I'm the same way. I'm very very careful, and that has rewarded me with friends with golden hearts.
     
  14. just me

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    Milon, I heard something similar to that. The table had everyone's being served soup. Everyone had a spoon so long they could not eat from it.
    People in hell fought with the spoon; people in heaven fed each other across the table.
     
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    #14 just me, Apr 4, 2009
    Last edited: Apr 4, 2009
  15. Sam

    Sam Regular Poster

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    Honestly, I don't have secret agendas for other ppl. I'm genuine to the point it's ridiculous. I might have secret agendas but they do not have to do with other ppl. I exclude them out.

    I feel hurt when I notice very close friends manipulate me. I could never do that, I'm a) too lazy, b) have my own morals about it. But I'm extremely reserved towards others bcs I do not want to be manipulated in any way. But I guess I'll get blind to it once the person is "in" and I feel no further proof of their genuity. This got me thinking... But who can I trust, if not my closest friends? It's like, geez, honestly I'm extremely accepting and understanding, there are not many things I wouldn't forgive, but violating that trust is something depending on the situation may make me do the mental doorslam.
     
  16. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    Feeling like this right now.
     
  17. CoffeeShopDiva

    CoffeeShopDiva Community Member

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    There are people you can trust. Sometimes it just takes a while to find them.
     
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  18. Julia

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    While it's true you can never know another person or all their motives entirely, you can look inside yourself. Anything that is good inside must by nature exist some place outside of self. We are entirely redundant, reflecting our nature and nurture. Anything good in us we managed to find and be influenced by in the world. If it is possible to trust some aspect of oneself, it is possible to trust another person.
     
  19. lostintranslation

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    It is possible to trust other people but I find that it's not entirely about whether or not they will betray you, but more how these people resonate with you after you confide in them. There are people we don't trust instinctively, and the others; even if they're trustworthy, might not 'understand' us if we place our trust in them and then might end up doing something that betrays that trust. It's for this reason why the number of people I trust are few, but these are the people that I care about the most.
     
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  20. youngster

    youngster Community Member

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    you can trust me
     
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