The French and Infidelity | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

The French and Infidelity

Aaron Thyne said:
In a book called The Culture Code, the author Clotaire Rapaille explained that the French don't obsess over infidelity like Americans.

According to Rapaille, this obsession America has with cheating and infidelity is not universal. Some cultures don't fuss over it nearly as much as we do. The reason, apparently, is that these other cultures are much much older than Americas. And so they have already figured out how to deal with the natural proclivity to philander and play around.

Personally, I don't take infidelity too seriously. If I'm cheated on, I'll talk about it and them move on. It's really not something I get angry or emotionally riled up about. But what do you guys think?
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I think it's probably stranger that it's not illegal, considering the consequences and damage.

It's relationship fraud, and people who engage in it are usually bad people.

For me it's non-negotiable, and will always spell the end of the relationship. The cheater then ceases to exist as a 'real person' in my mind, and becomes something else - one of 'them'.

If I find out that you've ever cheated, then it's like telling me you used to skim off the tills in your retail job. It immediately categorises you as morally worthless for me.
 
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Skimming off the tills in a retail job makes you morally worthless? Fucking hell, man.
 
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Deleted member 16771 said:
Of course.
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Well, no, not 'of course'. Stealing a little bit of money is a relatively minor transgression in my view, especially if it's not directly from a person. I would argue skimming from McDonalds is more ethical than skimming from, say, a small family-run cafe. What about working in a pub and giving your friends the odd free drink?
 
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Cornerstone said:
What about working in a pub and giving your friends the odd free drink?
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I know a country where people have been guillotined for less than that *whistles*

Oh, Robespierre was INTJ Type 1 just like you Hos. Surprise surprise :grinning:

Messing with ya obviously
 
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Cornerstone said:
Well, no, not 'of course'. Stealing a little bit of money is a relatively minor transgression in my view, especially if it's not directly from a person. I would argue skimming from McDonalds is more ethical than skimming from, say, a small family-run cafe. What about working in a pub and giving your friends the odd free drink?
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So you're more of a goblin than an orc, what's the difference? You're still playing for the scum team.

What about walking into a pub and just taking a beer without paying? I don't see what the difference is between working there or not.

It's not that some crimes aren't worse than others, it's just that any deceptive thinking like that indicates the critical lack of a moral core for me and, unfortunately, dehumanises you in a very real way in my eyes.
 
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Deleted member 16771 said:
So you're more of a goblin than an orc, what's the difference? You're still playing for the scum team.

What about walking into a pub and just taking a beer without paying? I don't see what the difference is between working there or not.

It's not that some crimes aren't worse than others, it's just that any deceptive thinking like that indicates the critical lack of a moral core for me and, unfortunately, dehumanises you in a very real way in my eyes.
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I think it's immoral to dehumanize people whether you like their actions or not. :grimacing:
 
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Deleted member 16771 said:
If you can't recognise this as a joke, then you aren't a person either.

Yes a temporary lapse in humour also disqualifies you from my Humanity.
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lol I don't know, it's always a little tricky when no emojis are being used.

Though of course that was part of the point.
 
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I think you have to go into LTR's with your eyes wide open.

If you believe for one second that 'love' is powerful enough to suppress all sexual attraction to other people or even alchemize it into monogamous lust for your LTR only, you're living in bullshit world and it's going to hurt when you aren't.

As is this case with almost everything else, honesty is the way to deal with it (IMO). I mean, Bird and I are attracted to other people. "My gym crush", "my work crush", "that guy at the airport", "the girl we see at the dog park". We both want to fuck other people sometimes and occasionally they'll present us with opportunities to do it. We don't because we're monogamous and part of that means sacrificing sexual variety, but it's not like we pretend we have one way eyes.

That used to be a hard sell for me (giving up sexual variety), but in today's dating culture it has actually inverted. Bird is my best friend and lover and we've built a dope life together -- I'll take that over Tinder and hookups 100% of the time now. I'm not even sure I'd do it if I was single again.
 
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Deleted member 16771 said:
Ren, my friend...

I haven't even decided how much I'm joking about this, lol.

I might even be completely serious, I don't know.
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No worries!

Could you not qualify your criterion at least by referring to repeated actions of this kind? i.e., a pattern of actions rather than a single action.

I think it makes a considerable difference.
 
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acd said:
Damn. It's hard to tell with you sometimes! Because you did just say that those actions dehumanize people "in a very real way."
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OK I'm being a little blunt/harsh for effect, but it does result in a catastrophic loss of 'respect' I have for that person, if not full-on 'dehumanisation'.

It's not an entirely incorrect label, though. Something is definitely lost, because the behaviour is more animal and consequentialist than human and superegoic. It shows that someone acts out of what they can get away with rather than their internal core.
 
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Korg said:
I think you have to go into LTR's with your eyes wide open.

If you believe for one second that 'love' is powerful enough to suppress all sexual attraction to other people or even alchemize it into monogamous lust for your LTR only, you're living in bullshit world and it's going to hurt when you aren't.

As is this case with almost everything else, honesty is the way to deal with it (IMO). I mean, Bird and I are attracted to other people. "My gym crush", "my work crush", "that guy at the airport", "the girl we see at the dog park". We both want to fuck other people sometimes and occasionally they'll present us with opportunities to do it. We don't because we're monogamous and part of that means sacrificing sexual variety, but it's not like we pretend we have one way eyes.

That used to be a hard sell for me (giving up sexual variety), but in today's dating culture it has actually inverted. Bird is my best friend and lover and we've built a dope life together -- I'll take that over Tinder and hookups 100% of the time now. I'm not even sure I'd do it if I was single again.
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What's that got to do with anything? These are all givens in this conversation.

What's your view on infidelity?
 
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