Just in case there are other career singles out there...
I thought it might be fun for those few of us here to discuss the dynamics of long-term singleness...tricks of the trade, if you will.
For example: I go to the same restaurant all the time...and not just for the food. Years ago I would find myself working on little projects over the weekend and going days without talking to anybody. This creeped me out a bit, so I started hanging out at a little Mexican restaurant in town. Over time...and it took time...I got to know the waitresses well enough, as well as some of the patrons, so that we could have a nice little chat now and then. As the years passed, I would say even a fondness grew. Even though I still dine alone, occasionally other regulars ask me to join them...and other friends know where to find me. The connections help make being a career single not quite so isolating.
Another thought.....being a man and in my 50s, there is a generally held suspicion that we, as a demographic, are all rather creepy. It may be so. Anyway, I can read this suspicion/fear in people really well. Not that I can blame anybody...I have daughters, I totally understand (and recommend) the need to not trust everybody you see. Anybody who watches the news would get this. So....how to break past creepy old-man syndrome? First...never trespass on a lady's personal space or their comfort zone.....ever. I have no need to cause fear/apprehension in anybody (that and I'm sure I am highly allergic to pepper spray). No, people have to make the space themselves if they are so inclined to do so. I always hold back and just say "good morning." If the conversation/friendship goes past there (over time), they are the ones who would open that door if they so choose. Based on my experience, when it works this way some really nice, comfortable friendships can emerge. I just don't cross the line.
I know it is said that there is someone out there for everybody, but I think we all know that this is simply not so. Many, many of us remain, or become single....and it seems to stick. That might be sad, but hey, life goes on!!
I have other mechanisms for enjoying/surviving singleness, too. I've been single for 20 years (previous 10 year marriage ended due to bi-polar affective disorder), raised my four kids (played Legos a lot), and gave up on finding romance about ten years ago. It was rather sad, but also a bit liberating. I decided against being miserable for the remainder of my years.
Interested in your thoughts!! (assuming there actually is anybody else out there in similar conditions)
I thought it might be fun for those few of us here to discuss the dynamics of long-term singleness...tricks of the trade, if you will.
For example: I go to the same restaurant all the time...and not just for the food. Years ago I would find myself working on little projects over the weekend and going days without talking to anybody. This creeped me out a bit, so I started hanging out at a little Mexican restaurant in town. Over time...and it took time...I got to know the waitresses well enough, as well as some of the patrons, so that we could have a nice little chat now and then. As the years passed, I would say even a fondness grew. Even though I still dine alone, occasionally other regulars ask me to join them...and other friends know where to find me. The connections help make being a career single not quite so isolating.
Another thought.....being a man and in my 50s, there is a generally held suspicion that we, as a demographic, are all rather creepy. It may be so. Anyway, I can read this suspicion/fear in people really well. Not that I can blame anybody...I have daughters, I totally understand (and recommend) the need to not trust everybody you see. Anybody who watches the news would get this. So....how to break past creepy old-man syndrome? First...never trespass on a lady's personal space or their comfort zone.....ever. I have no need to cause fear/apprehension in anybody (that and I'm sure I am highly allergic to pepper spray). No, people have to make the space themselves if they are so inclined to do so. I always hold back and just say "good morning." If the conversation/friendship goes past there (over time), they are the ones who would open that door if they so choose. Based on my experience, when it works this way some really nice, comfortable friendships can emerge. I just don't cross the line.
I know it is said that there is someone out there for everybody, but I think we all know that this is simply not so. Many, many of us remain, or become single....and it seems to stick. That might be sad, but hey, life goes on!!
I have other mechanisms for enjoying/surviving singleness, too. I've been single for 20 years (previous 10 year marriage ended due to bi-polar affective disorder), raised my four kids (played Legos a lot), and gave up on finding romance about ten years ago. It was rather sad, but also a bit liberating. I decided against being miserable for the remainder of my years.
Interested in your thoughts!! (assuming there actually is anybody else out there in similar conditions)
Last edited:
