The Answer to Connecting

IndigoSensor

IndigoSensor

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Retired Staff
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http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

This video is absolutely incredible. It's 20 minutes but I promise you, you'll feel it's too short. A researcher outlines and explains how to connect with others, and why some people struggle to connect with others. There is a common theme that blocks this; denial of feeling vulnerable. It's amazing that such a simple concept of allowing oneself to be ok with being imperfect, not planning every single thing out, being present, feeling worthy, is the key to connecting with others. Forging meaningful relationships and actually feeling reciprocative love is so simple to do. Yet, it's such a difficult thing for many of us to do.

There seems to be many different ways in which people will block out connection by preventing vulnerability. For me, I can simply say that this woman is pretty much the 40 year old woman version of me. I swear 95% of the stuff she says could have come right out of my mouth. I actually much did exactly what she said she did, when I went to a therapist last year.

I urge everyone to watch this. This is such a powerful message. I really think that this can set a lot of us on a path to getting something that we all (INFJ's in particular) desire, deeper meaning and true connections (whether it be romantic love, or just simple friendships) with others.

Discuss.
 
I have watched this, and I agree it is amazing. I love that she puts the idea into common words many people will be able to understand. This is something I feel I have known for a while but not really been able to articulate as well as she has.
 
I can't really say much. It was a beautiful, humorous, and enlightening presentation. I might buy a book or two :p.
 
kav is the antithesis to his own happiness O.o
 
Wow. Just wow.
 
1) She's an ENFJ


2) I already knew all about this; but I'm glad other people are learning about it as well. (What I mean is while I've never seen this video, nor heard about her; I was very aware of the phenomenon.)
 
she's very insightful. This is something I have really been struggling with. Thank you for the post Indy :D
 
I knew that should believe 'I'm enough', embraze myself and show myself to the world
but there was always this little voice saying: you should work on yourself, make yourself better, more loveable, believing you are enough is the easy way
she now shows it is not the easy way but it is the way to love and connection
so lets be vulnerable
:shocked:
how?:shocked:
 
Shame and worthiness are partial truths, parallels. Worthiness is a judgment pattern the same as shame. This is more than being vulnerable, authenticity and courage in being. Its about forgiveness, gratitude and reintegration with the self. What she means is we are going through the ego fire of the mind into the inner flame of the heart. What she is missing is the formation of self belief in spirit and this extends into fearlessness. Vulnerability is part of it, she is using language from the mind clutter in rationalising what this means, and is in scrutiny to the stories she learned as the core beliefs people hold on to. Its about a precept of guardedness that goes back to feeling safe and trusted and those feelings tend to be interchangeable in the boundaries of this physicality.

Vulnerability is an extension of that insecurity. Her assumptions are out of alignment, the patterns are out of alignment, and she is echoing that out of alignment experience and trying to reconcile it as a reasoning artifact. And placing it into a placeholder called numb, which is a guardedness. It isn't why and how we numb, its not about black and white thinking or limited beliefs. The real issue us we try to control the vulnerability to feel secure in our insecurity. And then when we start bringing into awareness those insecurities as a confirmation of that vulnerability away from invulnerability.

Its good otherwise.
 
In addendum: I don't like how she talks about shame as an emotion pertaining to a relation with others only.
 
This was one of the most boring of the TED videos I've seen.
I don't feel like analyzing right now, but my intuition is saying she's not on to anything that great of a theory.
 
Thank you, really enjoyed that :)
 
I have to say: It's no surprise you three INTP's just don't mesh with this or go insofar as to say it is boring. Not surprizing in the least :D.
 
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