The Answer to Connecting
- Thread starter IndigoSensor
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She may be saying things you like, but my point is that I learned nothing from it. Most of what I've seen on TED is about new ideas.I have to say: It's no surprise you three INTP's just don't mesh with this or go insofar as to say it is boring. Not surprizing in the least.
- Nov 12, 2008
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Intuitively this makes worlds of sense to me, and seems to make sense to most others who have posted. From what I gathered, most people seem to have "known" this, and in some cases practiced it, but never actually had it boiled down so concisely like she did. Further she is a PhD academic researcher. What she says does have merit behind it. Like anything in psychology though, it won't be fullproof for 100% of the population.
I am not discrediting what she's saying. I do agree with her view, but it wasn't my point that I agree with her or not. I do have my personal reason why I didn't find it useful.
I just think that INFJs agree with what she's saying. There are lectures about things I agree with, but that isn't the recipe for what makes me like something.
I understand this is an INFJ forum, and you like what you like, and that's fair enough, so I concede any opposition to it.
I did appreciate the hearing of it, but what she is saying is not new, and to the degree it is concise is the degree to which the presented viewpoint is limited - either by framework or by defined boundaries of on-stage presentation.
These ideas as it concerns the nature of vulnerability, the experience of fear and shame, the need to connect, the willingness to be aware of—and to experience without rejection—emotion - these ideas are found in “new” sources like Nonviolent Communication, and in many perennial wisdom traditions from around the globe.
In my own experience, my sense is that accepting myself and my feelings as well as others and their feelings, being willing to witness and be unguarded in the presence of others, choosing Love over Fear, and simply being myself, as opposed to judging my person in compare and contrast with my idea of my self - these things are integral to my well-being. That knowledge was hard-won—not the least of reasons why because I resisted it, I fought it, as best as I was able, for so long, such was my Fear.
Inasmuch as I am Spirit having a Human experience, I will mis-step, I will stumble, and I will fall as I walk along my Path, on my Journey—and that’s OK. I forgive myself for my imperfection. I do the best I can with the resources available to me given the situation, at all times, and so is that true for all others, and so may I forgive them, feel empathy for their struggle, and show them my compassion.
The one time I really showed myself—me, just me—with no expectation of return or reward, has resulted in the greatest relationship, friendship, and Love I have ever known. All because I was willing to express my pain, my fear, my pleasure, and my interest in a simple, vulnerable way.
The first time I was ever able to let go of Fear to the degree that I was fully vulnerable, I became aware of two things which surprised me greatly: 1) I was as secure as I could ever hope to be in that I was grounded in my Being, and 2) I had no reason to Fear because who I was, my truest Self, could never be hurt or harmed. Only my limited self, with its belief in my idea of myself, was concerned with such things. And so when I experienced this, I experienced the deepest sense of peace and Love for all the passing forms of the world, and the Spirit that brings them forth.
---
I saw a therapist for the first time this past week, and she asked me “Ian, what do you have to live for?”
And so I thought for a bit and said “I live for those moments in time when I look at something, either in my world, or in my Self, and I lose myself in the contemplation and awareness of that thing, and in time, it reveals itself, its deeper nature, and in that moment it is beautiful, and from that comes a sense of joy and a sense of wonder, and inside me the thing is reborn anew, as if I am seing it for the first time. That’s worth living for.”
After a moment, she replied “Don’t you think it is worth living for, say, your girlfriend?”
And I said “Well sure, but that’s covered by what I described.”
But then I thought about it a bit more and said “Yeah, relationships. In the end, they’re all that really matter to me.”
Namaste,
Ian
These ideas as it concerns the nature of vulnerability, the experience of fear and shame, the need to connect, the willingness to be aware of—and to experience without rejection—emotion - these ideas are found in “new” sources like Nonviolent Communication, and in many perennial wisdom traditions from around the globe.
In my own experience, my sense is that accepting myself and my feelings as well as others and their feelings, being willing to witness and be unguarded in the presence of others, choosing Love over Fear, and simply being myself, as opposed to judging my person in compare and contrast with my idea of my self - these things are integral to my well-being. That knowledge was hard-won—not the least of reasons why because I resisted it, I fought it, as best as I was able, for so long, such was my Fear.
Inasmuch as I am Spirit having a Human experience, I will mis-step, I will stumble, and I will fall as I walk along my Path, on my Journey—and that’s OK. I forgive myself for my imperfection. I do the best I can with the resources available to me given the situation, at all times, and so is that true for all others, and so may I forgive them, feel empathy for their struggle, and show them my compassion.
The one time I really showed myself—me, just me—with no expectation of return or reward, has resulted in the greatest relationship, friendship, and Love I have ever known. All because I was willing to express my pain, my fear, my pleasure, and my interest in a simple, vulnerable way.
The first time I was ever able to let go of Fear to the degree that I was fully vulnerable, I became aware of two things which surprised me greatly: 1) I was as secure as I could ever hope to be in that I was grounded in my Being, and 2) I had no reason to Fear because who I was, my truest Self, could never be hurt or harmed. Only my limited self, with its belief in my idea of myself, was concerned with such things. And so when I experienced this, I experienced the deepest sense of peace and Love for all the passing forms of the world, and the Spirit that brings them forth.
---
I saw a therapist for the first time this past week, and she asked me “Ian, what do you have to live for?”
And so I thought for a bit and said “I live for those moments in time when I look at something, either in my world, or in my Self, and I lose myself in the contemplation and awareness of that thing, and in time, it reveals itself, its deeper nature, and in that moment it is beautiful, and from that comes a sense of joy and a sense of wonder, and inside me the thing is reborn anew, as if I am seing it for the first time. That’s worth living for.”
After a moment, she replied “Don’t you think it is worth living for, say, your girlfriend?”
And I said “Well sure, but that’s covered by what I described.”
But then I thought about it a bit more and said “Yeah, relationships. In the end, they’re all that really matter to me.”
Namaste,
Ian
I saw this a little while back, and it's just as meaningful watching it now as it was then (perhaps more so, as I've been getting more in touch with my feeling side lately), I just wish I had the courage to put it into practice more often.