SOLVE ME - INFP? ESTJ? | INFJ Forum

SOLVE ME - INFP? ESTJ?

Discussion in 'The INFJ Typology' started by Xavier, Apr 21, 2009.

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  1. Xavier

    Xavier Newbie

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    Hey everyone,

    My name is Xavier. I’m a senior in college.

    If you have time, it'd be awesome if you could help me out with figuring out my typology.

    I'm thinking that I may be something along the lines INFP, but some things don't fit. INFPs tend to be joyful, tender people; I am more dark and edgy, falling prey to dark emotions caused by my own thoughts as well as various external factions such as relationships (especially with family). These cause internal conflict.

    I'm pretty sure about being an introvert, but that's about all I'm sure of. I may be some sort of weird hybrid like INFJ/ISFP or INFP/ISFJ, or maybe even something with T.

    About Me

    Before I start comparing myself to any particular type, I should tell you about myself.

    1.I do not like social situations. I am a loner. I like to either be by myself, or spent time with one person I like.

    2.I am a dark individual. That is, I seem to have a lot of negative emotions. I am constantly angry and rather uptight. I am often called a spaz, and people often tell me to “chill out”. I do not smile near as much as the average person.

    3.I worry a lot. This ties into what I just said. I worry about pretty much everything including the future (it can get very irrational). Because of my worrying, I am often anxious and it is not easy for me to just relax.

    4.I don’t have fun much. Sure fun is…fun. But a lot of fun things involve social interaction, which I want to avoid. Plus, I feel like many fun things don’t have much purpose. For instance, I like video games, but I don’t play them because I don’t think they help me grow as an individual, nor does it serve any sort of practical purpose.

    5. I like to fix things. I don't mean in the physical sense. I mean that if I feel like something is not right, I have a desire to make it right. I also like the sense of accomplishment that goes with it.

    6. I don't work well with noise. Generally, I need quietness to do my work. If there's noise, I view it as an annoyance and I try to find another place to work. So, I get distracted in the sense that the noise inhibits me, but I don't get distracted in the sense that I want to join in with what's going on around me.

    7: I am a person of action. Passivity isn't good in my opinion. When I have a passion, I like to follow through and do something with it.

    8.I am indecisive. I have trouble coming to a firm decision quickly when there are so many things to consider. I often turn things over and over in my mind, even though I don't want to.

    9. I am not confident. I have a need to feel validated. When I'm thinking something, I need to make sure I'm thinking the "right" thing by trying to validate it, usually by asking someone or getting more information.

    10: I like resolution. That is, I want everything to be wrapped up. I tend to continue speculating about things (as I said, I am indecisive), but what I want is to be done with it. If it doesn't seem like a matter is resolved, it is harder to feel at ease.

    11.I try to discern people’s thoughts. This is mostly in relation to how others view me. I constantly try to figure out if people really are telling the truth or if they see me in a positive way. I feel very uncomfortable being around people when I think they are thinking something negative about me. This is one reason I avoid social things.

    12.I have a good work ethic. When I have something to do, I work at it. I do my best work when it’s something I am interested in. I am very much against laziness.

    13.I care about things. That is, I don’t have a “whatever” attitude. I usually have a preference for anything having to do with me (i.e. where I sit, what color my room should be painted, what movie I want to watch, etc.)

    14.I believe in perseverance. When I get tired of doing something, I still keep going, especially if it is something I care strongly about. I hate the idea of giving up. One of my weaknesses is that I keep going when I really should stop.

    15.I am not good at letting go. If there is an unresolved issue with a family member, I think about it constantly and it really affects me. I will not usually let it go, so the thoughts and feelings persist until there is some kind of resolution. A sincere apology goes a long way with me.

    16.I like thinking of stories. This is one thing I really get into. I especially like creating characters in the stories.

    17.I am not a random thinker. I have no idea if I seem like a random thinker to other people, but I am not one. I usually think about one subject for a long time (and all kinds of different angles), and it becomes somewhat circular thinking. Because I am not a random thinker, it takes a while to brainstorm new stories.

    18. I have a thin skin. I am easily offended when people say something that I take personally, and then I make it my goal to figure out why they said what they did. Sometimes they say it is over, but I drag it on because I don't feel like we really have reached a resolution.

    19. Aesthetics matter to me. At least, they do on some level, to some extent. I'm OK with being around things that don't look great, but it still matters to me. For example, I don't mind living in my unfurnished dorm room, but I would prefer if it looked better, and I can tell when it looks terrible (though there are certainly people who are much better at this).

    20. I am uncomfortable in new situations. Even though I do want adventure in my life, I feel uncomfortable in new situations. I don't adapt very well.

    21. I am not good at remembering facts. I can usually remember some sort of general idea, but overall I am terrible at remembering things, which makes school difficult. I also usually tend to remember the negative more than the good.

    22. I get impatient. I get annoyed when people in front of me walk slow, so I usually just pass them if I can. I also hate waiting for a long time if there is nothing to do. I hate feeling like I'm getting nothing done at all.

    23. I'm not a money spender. There isn't a whole lot of material things I want, but even if there is, I prefer not to spend money. It isn't that I value money so much; I think it's more that I believe that the money should be saved for what I need.

    Anticipated Questions

    Q: “So are you a daydreamer?”
    A: That’s a tough one, mostly because it’s hard to distinguish what should be considered daydreaming, and because I don’t know what to compare it to since I am not in other people’s head. Like I said, I do think of stories from time to time.
    If I’m in class and I am not very interested in what is being said, I will often start focusing on something else that has nothing to do with the lecture; however, I still try to stay focused if it is something I think I need to know, which it usually is. If it’s a class with a lot of note-taking, I will usually concentrate on that and avoid drifting off. Anyway, all that to say I can’t really figure out if I am a daydreamer unless there is some way I can measure it.

    Q: “Do you live in the moment?”
    A: I would actually say No to that. The reason I say no is because I worry about how things will turn out, so I do excessive caution and consider how things will turn out. Like I explained before, I often worry about improbable outcomes. Plus, usually when people think of someone living in the moment, they think of someone who just wants to have fun, go to parties, and stuff along those lines. I can say with certainty that that does not sound like me at all.
    On the flipside, I can get caught up in the emotion of the moment. What this usually means is lashing out emotionally at others. I can be very aggressive at times. I always end up regretting it and asking myself why I did it.

    Q: "Do you like doing more physical activities, or are you more of a sit down at a desk person?"
    A: Well that's a good question. As far as how I live my life, I do not do many physical activities. Never really have. I lift weights, and I walk to class back and forth, but not much more than that. So, it could definitely be said that I sit down at a desk more than doing physical activities.
    The thing is, I think there is more to consider. Remember, I said I normally don't do things just for the sake of fun. There hasn't been a whole lot of moments in my life where I had to do more physical things. Sports was always an option, but I never gave that much thought for some reason.
    So, if my life was different-- if there was a real purpose for doing more physical activities, it is possible that I'd do more physical activities in my life. With my life the way it is, I think it's hard to judge whether I am or not.

    OK, so...

    By now you’re probably thinking that I seem more INFJ, right? Well, I could be, but like I said before, It seems like I’m more Fi-Ne than Ni-Fe.

    I am not as decisive as INFJs seem to be. They can just go "this seems best, so let's take this and run with it." I don't do that.

    Also, INFJs seem to be suggesting that they don't really pay too much attention to their own feelings, but are sensitive to the feelings of others.

    I believe I do pay attention to my feelings. I am very sensitive to what another person is feeling or thinking, but it is mostly about how it relates to me. I know it sounds selfish, but this seems to be how it is. I worry about how they view me, and when I see someone is upset and find out it has nothing to do with me, I am relieved.

    This stuff is so interesting, but so confusing if you look at it in depth.

    I’m freaking out right now. There seems to be so many things that contradict each other! I really don’t know what to think. That’s why I’ve made this thread. Hopefully someone can shed some light on the situation.

    At this point, I could be almost any type. I’m serious.

    So…if you could…look at the things I’ve said and provide answers or comments about them. What is the impression you got? What type am I? Remember, I'm not even convinced I am INFx. Could I be T? S? Or even slightly E??

    I would very much appreciate any help you could possibly give me. Any comments would be great. Also ask questions if you don’t get something I said, or if you want to know something else about me.
     
    #1 Xavier, Apr 21, 2009
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2009
  2. corvidae

    corvidae ohai internets
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    I have a feeling you're INFP. I was an INTP at one point, and your writing sounds pretty similar to how I used to think, except with the F and T switched.

    A lot of people have trouble identifying between INFP and INFJ. There's a huge thread here about it, which may help.
     
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  3. OP
    Xavier

    Xavier Newbie

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    I saw that thread, but it's still a little unclear.

    One thought I had was that I fit mostly into INFP, but I also have ISFJ tendencies, which seems like a very odd mix. I need to find out more.
     
    #3 Xavier, Apr 22, 2009
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2009
  4. rainrise

    rainrise Community Member

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    you do sound more like an INFJ than an INFP in my opinion simply because i get the sense that resolution is important to you even though decision making may not be easy at all times. Ni is focused largely on the future and is likely to focus on a few or one thing to derive patterns and possibilities whereas Ne may draw onto a multitude of things to gain insight.
    also, INFJs tend to introvert other's feelings readily so as to confuse them with their own. many of these inner feelings may be negative in response to heightened self-awareness and regard for other's emotions.
    i have an INFP sister and she tends to have a profound inner sense of right and wrong and not morph with other's emotions to gain insight into a situation as much as she is likely to project her own emotions out onto others.
    there are a diversity of different people with different cognitive preferences in each type and even this is too limiting. everyone has access more or less of all the functions, though prefer some over others.
    i find understanding the dominant function really helped me decide my type. both my F and J are very low, but i resonate more naturally with Ni rather than Ti even though i do largely use Ti to supplement it.
     
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  5. Quinlan

    Quinlan Right the First Time!

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    Yeah, I noticed that, as I was reading I would start leaning one way then you'd say something which completely flipped what I thought you might be.

    All I can suggest is have a through look through the cognitive processe at this site, and read as many of the descriptions as you can, especially INFP and ISFJ. Also remember to think of what feels most natural to you, not what you're good at or what you feel you have to do.
     
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  6. arbygil

    arbygil Passing through

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    ^^ This.

    Again, like I was saying in your intro, we use all the processes. The processes we're most comfortable with are the ones that indicate our personality. You do seem to need an answer which I think is more J...but if you're not satisfied with the conclusions and you still want to consider more options then you could very well be more comfortable with P.

    Ask yourself this: Are you more interested in exploring your options, or more interested in getting a firm yes or no?
     
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  7. OP
    Xavier

    Xavier Newbie

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    What I want is a firm yes or no, but I have to believe the yes or no is correct. If someone said I was definitely an extremely social person (which I definitely don't believe), I would keep searching because I wouldn't believe it.
     
  8. arbygil

    arbygil Passing through

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    I recommend reading through the processes pretty carefully and choosing one, then. If you're more of a J type all this going around in circles will bore you after a while, and you'll settle on one - and that will be that. If you're more of a P-type then you'll probably want to evaluate all the possible information you can find, and you'll keep asking "but what about/what if" questions until you've exhausted all your options.
     
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  9. OP
    Xavier

    Xavier Newbie

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    I looked at that site. So difficult to tell though.

    As far as what comes natural...that's hard too because there is a lot I don't remember. I don't remember if I did more feeling or thinking. As a child, I was meticulous, and a perfectionist. I would do things very intentionally and cautiously. My main hobby was making my own things with legos and other similar building toys.

    In school, I wasn't a great student. I wasn't very good with reading, but I was slightly over average with math. This has all drastically changed except I'm still not a fast reader.

    I remember that my parents thought I didn't show much emotion other than anger, as I would often through fits. Of course, just because I didn't show it didn't mean I didn't have emotion. I really have no idea.

    It seems like I have changed a lot since I was little.

    Like I said, I'm really only sure that I am Ixxx. I could be many combinations, and I'm sure stress has been a big factor in becoming who I am now. I could be INFP/ISFJ, INFJ/ISFP, INFP/ISTJ, INFJ/ISTP, etc.

    Why am I so concerned with this?

    This is actually a good example of what happens when I really want to get something. In this case, it's figuring out my type.

    I've been so involved with this that I have not been doing my school, and I don't think it's a procrastinating thing because my school work isn't too hard right now, though it is starting to pile up.

    Normally, I would have gotten my schoolwork done by now, but because my focus is on this, I am working at this much more than my school. I tried reading for school but I couldn't because my mind was focused on typology.

    It's also interesting because this is not practical at all. The practical thing would be to do my school work. But even though it's not practical, it still has a purpose for me, so I am investing time into it.
     
  10. Lucifer

    Lucifer Registered User #666

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    It's important to remember that you don't fit 100% into your type.

    The ENTP description certainly doesn't fit me perfectly.
     
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  11. OP
    Xavier

    Xavier Newbie

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    I know. I know... :m119:
     
  12. Milon

    Milon Director of Glomps
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    Also have a look here.
    I can test out as nearly any type myself. Now I know why!
     
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  13. OP
    Xavier

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    That is interesting.

    You know...I think I may have more to say, but I really do need to make the practical decision and work at my school even though the quest to find out what I am seems to be my focus right now. If I find the time, I'll try to explain more about my thought process and how it affects my actions.

    Until then, comments are very much appreciated.
     
  14. waterbaby

    waterbaby Temporarily Dismembered
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    I have an opinion... I am hesitating to share it.
     
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  15. OP
    Xavier

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    Please do. Seriously. I really....really want to hear it.
     
  16. Lucifer

    Lucifer Registered User #666

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    Well It seems very clear that your an introvert do lets start there.

    You said you like making up stories? Can you take me through that process a bit?

    Do you tend to focus exclusively on your external environment? To the exclusion of all else?

    Do you tend to notice when things are out of order? When they aren't the same as usual.

    Do you like the idea of drawing lessons from the past? Is the past were you go to learn about the way things should be?
     
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  17. OP
    Xavier

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    Stories - I usually make up characters first, then figure out how I want them to interact with each other, and what their roles will be. Will they have frequent conflicts? Will one of them be the antagonist? The actual concrete events of the story usually come last.

    Do I focus exclusively on your external environment to the exclusion of all else? No I don't. In fact, sometimes I miss the very obvious when it comes to the external environment. Still, the external environment has an effect on me. For instance, I will feel uncomfortable doing school work if I don't like the environment for whatever reason, so I will go to a place that accommodates my preferences.

    Do I like drawing lessons from the past? Well, I take the past into consideration, but it's not at the forefront of my mind most of the time. I actually forget a lot of details of the past. I would not say I determine the way things should be from the past.

    I do, however, tend to dwell in the past. For instance, if a family member said or did something that was offensive, and I didn't get a chance to talk about it, I will obsess over what they said or did, and then I'll want to reach resolution and find out what they meant, and I usually do this by talking to them.

    They will often resolve it by giving me simple yes or no answers, but that sometimes isn't good enough for me. I might come back to them later and ask them about it again, and they tell me to "let it go". I tell them that I'd love to let it go, but I can't stop thinking about it. So, it could definitely said that I think about certain things in the past.
     
  18. dneecey

    dneecey I am who I am.

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    Hi, X. Can I call you that?

    Well, I just took one of the enneagram tests and it proved to be rather interesting. Maybe, that will help you in pinpointing your type a little more.

    =)

    here. http://forum.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=113
     
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    #18 dneecey, Apr 23, 2009
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  19. arbygil

    arbygil Passing through

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    The more I hear you, Xavier, the more I think we're discussing two issues (and it's not anything specific). I can hear elements of ISFJ and INFJ...and if we strip away all the stereotypes about type, it comes down more to preferences. The other fly in the ointment could be that you're possibly OCD, which doesn't help interpretation. Sometimes you have to separate a true personality from personality issues.

    Some things to remember: Sensors can be very creative. Some strong writers are also ISFJs. Some ISFJs make terrible business decisions and aren't good with money. ISFJs can see the whole picture and "get it" when it comes to Ne. Not every Sensor is stuck in the past. Sensors also have wickedly fun senses of humor (sometimes dark and inappropriate too) - so knock out that stereotype, too.

    I think F is wildly strong in you (Fe is common to INFJ and ISFJ). An ISFJ uses Ne as their fourth process - but Ni comes dead last. I'm not really hearing a lot of Ni in your processes. I think your Ni is weak and it seems like your Ne is a lot stronger. You seem to grasp more meaning and context around others more, than you do individually (Ne). You gather your conclusions using people's interpretation's more than your own, it seems (stronger Ne). You haven't quite come to your conclusions and instead you're looking for more group info. Perhaps you might get a personal "aha" moment from time to time, but you seem to look forward to looking to answers from more than one source to get that "aha" moment.

    Ti is also the same process that INFJs and ISFJs use - you are definitely thinking through and breaking down the information. You are "analyzing, categorizing, and evaluating according to principles." So I'd agree that you have a strong Ti.

    I think it really comes down to Fe versus Fi more. Which one is the "Trickster"? Which one trips you up more? INFJ and ISFJ both use Fi in the same way - in other words, we're not great at it. Fi is "valuing and considering importance, beliefs, and worth" and to me, this is the most telling in your words. You can be very critical here, and you don't take others' words at face value. You have to keep asking because you're not comfortable with the first answer (and this can be Fi out of control). Your self worth appears to be wrapped up in what others see in you. And that is very much Fe.

    If I were to hazard a guess, I'd say you sound more like an ISFJ to me, but this is because I don't see a strong Ni but I do see a strong Fe.

    I know you must be tired of searching websites, but try looking up the best fit processes website on INFJ and ISFJ - particularly here, here, here, and here. And for kicks, check out what it says about INFPs here and here.

    ETA: Read more about Ne here.
     
    #19 arbygil, Apr 23, 2009
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2009
  20. anica

    anica dark dreamer
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    SOLVE ME - INTP? ESTJ?

    What a thoughtful and thorough analysis, Arbygil.
     
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