So we are massive drama magnets

[Freemena]

After reading dozens of threads on this site and looking at the events, friendships and happenings of my own life that seem to mirror many of the posts and threads on this site, I am forced to conclude that we do, in fact, attract drama from all corners. Call it caring for the unstable, being unstable or just plain unlucky, whatever it is, we seem to be knee deep in melodrama for most of our lives. When we are not, we tend to whine about being lonely, which is considered by most of our more heartless counterparts to be another form of creating drama.

My questions are thus:

Can we change this, or is this just a part of caring for other people?

Would we want to change this? Is the heavy emotional, overreaction such a part of our psyche that life wouldn't be complete without it?

Is there anything we can do to prevent drama without fundamentally changing who we are?

Your advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[arbygil]

Whoo-boy.

I think if we had the answers to that we'd be millionaires...honestly, I think the only thing we can do is listen to Ni more, and use that ol' Ti first before we react. Sometimes people are attracted to us (the scary co-dependent folk) because we give them so many good solutions and they're not willing to solve the problem themselves (or they're not willing to take that time). We like to help people, and the people in need sense this. Sometimes, though, I think it can help if we get less involved and try to help folks solve the problems for themselves. Not sure if that will diminish the drama llamas ultimately, but it might help alleviate some of it.

 

[Solongo]

Depends what type of drama you talking about. If it involves someone else and not necessarily about you per se, then you always have a choice to not participate. But if you are attracting drama on purpose then you are just living the extreme opposite of being lonely. It depends on what you consider drama.

nothing wrong with a healthy dose of drama as long as feelings don't get hurt. But from my experience drama always involves gossip, scandal, betrayal and tears...maybe anger when it comes to men. But MOST people know when they are perpetrating a drama and doing it on purpose.

 

[Billy]

After reading dozens of threads on this site and looking at the events, friendships and happenings of my own life that seem to mirror many of the posts and threads on this site, I am forced to conclude that we do, in fact, attract drama from all corners. Call it caring for the unstable, being unstable or just plain unlucky, whatever it is, we seem to be knee deep in melodrama for most of our lives. When we are not, we tend to whine about being lonely, which is considered by most of our more heartless counterparts to be another form of creating drama.

My questions are thus:

Can we change this, or is this just a part of caring for other people?

Would we want to change this? Is the heavy emotional, overreaction such a part of our psyche that life wouldn't be complete without it?

Is there anything we can do to prevent drama without fundamentally changing who we are?

Your advice would be greatly appreciated.

Yes I learned long ago that in order to live in this world the way I am I have to be able to pick and choose whom I interact with. I am very careful about who I let into my personal life as to keep drama makers out. Once you do that you can focus on helping your friends and loved ones with your unique gifts and insights. I find I have a lot of patience when it comes to my actual friends.

 

[Freemena]

Depends what type of drama you talking about. If it involves someone else and not necessarily about you per se, then you always have a choice to not participate. But if you are attracting drama on purpose then you are just living the extreme opposite of being lonely. It depends on what you consider drama.

nothing wrong with a healthy dose of drama as long as feelings don't get hurt. But from my experience drama always involves gossip, scandal, betrayal and tears...maybe anger when it comes to men. But MOST people know when they are perpetrating a drama and doing it on purpose.

Can you really turn your back on someone about to commit suicide? Or that just lost a loved one? Or that is being domestically abused? Or whatever else comes along? It's all about hurt and we always seem to be in the middle of it. For me, at least, it always seems to be that the definition of "friend" is someone that's hurting and needs your help. When they finally get over whatever it was they are long gone, or worse, they become cruel and contemptuous until such time as they need help again. I guess I am wondering if this is something that most of us go through or if it is mainly just me. And if most of us have gone though it, has anyone figured out how to get around it so that they have normal, non-dramatic friendships that are based on people not draining all your emotional energy from you?

 

[Orion]

I really don't relate to this. I am the most undramatic person. I avoid any kind of drama, if anything, the people around me make mountains out of molehills from the smallest things. If I am having trouble or going through harsh times, it's 95% internal. It very rarely expresses itself externally. I can be deathly depressed or severely anxious about something or other and no one in my life would have a clue or know the difference. The hurricane inside my head, stays in my head.

 

[Top cat]

^Making mountains out of molehills that started from something small you did, yield? Or appeared to have done

That would be where I turn into a drama magnet

I agree with Billy -you just have to be very careful
Not only in which friends you make, but also the impression/person you show on the outside. It's good to form a 'persona' ..a kind of fake personality that's used for going out into the extrovert world.. remembering all the rules they follow, social etiquette, etc. I try to rehearse these before leaving because I often find no point in them and I forget.. It's natural for me to say hello only when it's someone I happy to greet, but I realise even strangers can be so insulted if you don't notice them..
I try to live as low key as possible.
to the point where nobody knows I exist.
I minimise and simplify everything.

I have books and earphones to pretend I'm busy when I'm in public
I wear shades if I don't want eye contact
I work hard so I can afford my own place
I pretend to like and get along with everyone
I always remain a mystery and also feigning a little airheaded-ness

Yes these people will make mountains out of anything they can find. To be honest I don't know why they are on this earth and why there is more of them.

 

[Orion]

^Making mountains out of molehills that started from something small you did, yield? Or appeared to have done

No nothing to do with me. I'm just observing.

 

[Solar Empath]

I really don't relate to this. I am the most undramatic person. I avoid any kind of drama, if anything, the people around me make mountains out of molehills from the smallest things. If I am having trouble or going through harsh times, it's 95% internal. It very rarely expresses itself externally. I can be deathly depressed or severely anxious about something or other and no one in my life would have a clue or know the difference. The hurricane inside my head, stays in my head.

When I was going through my last severe depression, I was considering suicide fairly often. Someone I see every day made a comment during a discussion a few of us were having about stress. He said something along the lines of "Unless you are (Solar Empath), nothing ever gets him upset."

I just looked at him and laughed. I suspect he didn't know why I was laughing either.

 

[Julia]

Can we change this, or is this just a part of caring for other people?

I have found the only way to escape it is to avoid people, or to interact with people in a structured environment. People tend to be rather needy, and the danger is in giving an inch they take a mile. My concern with people are the constant boundary issues. It has helped me to do my work with helping people in a professional environment where no one knows where I live. I like helping people in a focused way with specific tasks, but then to be able to retreat.

I'm pretty sure I don't need drama. It makes me sick. Environments drain me in which there are complex, negative social interactions. I've learned to avoid most of them.

 

[Orion]

When I was going through my last severe depression, I was considering suicide fairly often. Someone I see every day made a comment during a discussion a few of us were having about stress. He said something along the lines of "Unless you are (Solar Empath), nothing ever gets him upset."

I just looked at him and laughed. I suspect he didn't know why I was laughing either.

I know what you mean, I get these moments very often. Too often.

 

[NeverAmI]

Depends what type of drama you talking about. If it involves someone else and not necessarily about you per se, then you always have a choice to not participate. But if you are attracting drama on purpose then you are just living the extreme opposite of being lonely. It depends on what you consider drama.

nothing wrong with a healthy dose of drama as long as feelings don't get hurt. But from my experience drama always involves gossip, scandal, betrayal and tears...maybe anger when it comes to men. But MOST people know when they are perpetrating a drama and doing it on purpose.

 

[Solongo]

I really don't relate to this. I am the most undramatic person. I avoid any kind of drama, if anything, the people around me make mountains out of molehills from the smallest things. If I am having trouble or going through harsh times, it's 95% internal. It very rarely expresses itself externally. I can be deathly depressed or severely anxious about something or other and no one in my life would have a clue or know the difference. The hurricane inside my head, stays in my head.

I am the same way.

 

[Solongo]

Can you really turn your back on someone about to commit suicide? Or that just lost a loved one? Or that is being domestically abused? Or whatever else comes along? It's all about hurt and we always seem to be in the middle of it. For me, at least, it always seems to be that the definition of "friend" is someone that's hurting and needs your help. When they finally get over whatever it was they are long gone, or worse, they become cruel and contemptuous until such time as they need help again. I guess I am wondering if this is something that most of us go through or if it is mainly just me. And if most of us have gone though it, has anyone figured out how to get around it so that they have normal, non-dramatic friendships that are based on people not draining all your emotional energy from you?

it depends. Thankfully I do not have troubled siblings or friends who are on the brink of suicide and such. Most drama i face is mundane ordinary things including he said/she said and having a "beef" among people i know.

But in all seriousness, i would never turn my back one someone who i care deeply for if they needed help. I guess the distinction is unnecessary juvenile drama versus real life drama. who knows....

 

[Indie.J]

I really don't relate to this. I am the most undramatic person. I avoid any kind of drama, if anything, the people around me make mountains out of molehills from the smallest things. If I am having trouble or going through harsh times, it's 95% internal. It very rarely expresses itself externally. I can be deathly depressed or severely anxious about something or other and no one in my life would have a clue or know the difference. The hurricane inside my head, stays in my head.

Yeah I'm like this.