The stereotype, and perhaps the reality, is that most guys are obsessed with sex and physical appearance, often to the extent that other aspects of a person become of relatively little importance to their physical appearance. The stereotype, and perhaps the reality, is that most girls desire the intimacy and emotional side as opposed to purely physical appearance.
I can identify with both of these. I want both intimacy and physical appearance. I don't understand my sexuality in any case, but I do know that if I date a girl who I don't find attractive, it haunts me and make me much less committed than I would be otherwise. Likewise, I would never date a girl whom I could not be intimate with, and I believe that intimacy is more important to me than sex, but I can't get away from the emphasis on physical appearance.
Here is my dilemma:
I've met a girl who I think is a great person; she is easy to talk to, very friendly, seems intelligent, and I think we would get along great. The problem is that I don't really find her attractive, but on the other hand, I have been obsessing about her the way I crush on girls who are very physically attractive. I am attracted to her personality, strongly.
Another thing that confuses me is that while I feel like I can't control who I do and do not find attractive, it seems to be malleable to some extent. I don't understand it, to say the least. I cannot trust it, but I cannot escape it either.
Obviously, if I got into a relationship with a girl, I would want to believe that she is physically attractive, and I would want to tell her. If she wasn't, I would want to lie. I can't not say it; that would be terrible.
The question is this: Should I see if she is interested in a relationship? She is not physically unattractive, nor is she particularly attractive. She is in the middle. I've realized that I am a fairly attractive person, although I don't feel that way most of the time. The reason that I am focusing so much on looks is that I think they were a big factor in the destruction of my last relationship. Furthermore, I have rejected 2 girls in the past month or so mainly because they are obese.
I feel bad focusing on this, but I can't really escape it. Yes personality is important too. I think that it is more important, but personality I can understand. Looks are more complicated.
I think that I'm a bad judge at this sort of thing. I don't know what it takes to make a relationship work. Communication? Compatible personalities? The right expectations?
I thought that I was ugly for years and I couldn't stand to look in a mirror (at least not to evaluate myself, I could comb my hair or whatever). To some extent it affected my eating habits, causing me to eat poorly and eat less than I should.
This is the first time in my life that I've ever really been into all this stuff, all this possibility. I had some other stuff that I wanted to talk about, but I've written enough. What do you think?
I can identify with both of these. I want both intimacy and physical appearance. I don't understand my sexuality in any case, but I do know that if I date a girl who I don't find attractive, it haunts me and make me much less committed than I would be otherwise. Likewise, I would never date a girl whom I could not be intimate with, and I believe that intimacy is more important to me than sex, but I can't get away from the emphasis on physical appearance.
Here is my dilemma:
I've met a girl who I think is a great person; she is easy to talk to, very friendly, seems intelligent, and I think we would get along great. The problem is that I don't really find her attractive, but on the other hand, I have been obsessing about her the way I crush on girls who are very physically attractive. I am attracted to her personality, strongly.
Another thing that confuses me is that while I feel like I can't control who I do and do not find attractive, it seems to be malleable to some extent. I don't understand it, to say the least. I cannot trust it, but I cannot escape it either.
Obviously, if I got into a relationship with a girl, I would want to believe that she is physically attractive, and I would want to tell her. If she wasn't, I would want to lie. I can't not say it; that would be terrible.
The question is this: Should I see if she is interested in a relationship? She is not physically unattractive, nor is she particularly attractive. She is in the middle. I've realized that I am a fairly attractive person, although I don't feel that way most of the time. The reason that I am focusing so much on looks is that I think they were a big factor in the destruction of my last relationship. Furthermore, I have rejected 2 girls in the past month or so mainly because they are obese.
I feel bad focusing on this, but I can't really escape it. Yes personality is important too. I think that it is more important, but personality I can understand. Looks are more complicated.
I think that I'm a bad judge at this sort of thing. I don't know what it takes to make a relationship work. Communication? Compatible personalities? The right expectations?
I thought that I was ugly for years and I couldn't stand to look in a mirror (at least not to evaluate myself, I could comb my hair or whatever). To some extent it affected my eating habits, causing me to eat poorly and eat less than I should.
This is the first time in my life that I've ever really been into all this stuff, all this possibility. I had some other stuff that I wanted to talk about, but I've written enough. What do you think?
