Should I Doorslam My Best Friend/Soulmate? :( | Page 3 | INFJ Forum

Should I Doorslam My Best Friend/Soulmate? :(

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Jonah Caan, Jan 25, 2019.

Share This Page

Watchers:
This thread is being watched by 6 users.
More threads by Jonah Caan
  1. OP
    Jonah Caan

    Jonah Caan Community Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2019
    Threads:
    2
    Messages:
    153
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    550
    Trophy Points:
    862
    Gender:
    Male
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Cheers man, I'm definately getting there thanks.

    Yes he told me he has a girlfriend. You just reminded me about something - He only told me he had a girlfriend after he broke up with me, although he was seeing her for several months while we were still 'together'. We were open to dating girls at the time as long as we told eachother but he kept it from me. Then when I asked him why he didn't tell me sooner, he said he was worried things would change between us.

    You're right I think. He probably didn't tell me he moved in with his gf because of fear of rejection. That's just sefish.

    For me friendship is higher in rank than even romantic relationships and someone lying to me for selfish reasons is a red flag.

    No, he doesn't know I snooped on his Instagram. Otherwise he wouldn't have lied to me. I find it so embarrassing that I do that though. Now that I know he's well and happy, I need to stop doing that.
     
    Asa and Ginny like this.
  2. Asa

    Asa Resident palindrome

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2015
    Threads:
    71
    Messages:
    3,351
    Featured Threads:
    21
    Likes Received:
    15,437
    Trophy Points:
    1,681
    Gender:
    Female
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    It does change the tone of his texts to you.

    I prefer to be more direct in conversations, and not play games or be passive aggressive, but in cases like these being direct could make it worse.
    It seems like he told you he lives alone because that would be the best scenario to meet up with you behind his girlfriend's back. He did not say this, though. If you say something he could accuse you of starting trouble.

    If you want to call him on his lie you could do it with a <3 or comment ("So happy for both of you!") on one of his IG photos.
    You could also ignore the entire situation, let it go and move forward living your happy life.
    Or, you could let it go and the next time he texts you, ask him if his girlfriend likes the place, too.

    I'd probably just take note of the lie on my internal notebook about each of my friends, and move forward living my life.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Jonah Caan and Ginny like this.
  3. OP
    Jonah Caan

    Jonah Caan Community Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2019
    Threads:
    2
    Messages:
    153
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    550
    Trophy Points:
    862
    Gender:
    Male
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Thank you, what you have said above is what I'm choosing to do:) I'm in a great place after so long. I sat through all my emotions last year in order to burn the bridges that needed to be, so that I could keep the gates of friendship open to him. But if he is still stuck in the past, he won't find me there. It's not fair on the girl he's with either.

    Yes, I accept that we're all human and it's in our nature to make mistakes. I myself admit to lying or holding back a truth if I think it's going to hurt someone. But to lie for selfish reasons crosses the line for me.

    Thank you so much for your time and support on here; it means more to me than I can say.
     
    Asa and Ginny like this.
  4. Asa

    Asa Resident palindrome

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2015
    Threads:
    71
    Messages:
    3,351
    Featured Threads:
    21
    Likes Received:
    15,437
    Trophy Points:
    1,681
    Gender:
    Female
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Oh, I didn't mean hold it against him, but that the lie reveals information about him that is helpful for future interactions. (In this case, that he my have feelings for you and may be thinking of going back to the past.) That seems to be what you are doing anyway. :)


    And that is what we are here for. <3
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Ginny likes this.
  5. OP
    Jonah Caan

    Jonah Caan Community Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2019
    Threads:
    2
    Messages:
    153
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    550
    Trophy Points:
    862
    Gender:
    Male
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Yes you're right, it's definitely helpful. I don't want to go back there so I think it's best if I just keep my distance.

    I was quite angry and confused yesterday as to why he lied to me. But today, I feel indifferent to it and it feels liberating:)

    I don't know... I always like to be direct but with him now it feels like I can't be. It all feels pretentious although I understand it is a transitionally period. Him lying to me has just made me step back further and I think that's definitely a good thing for me.

    I'm glad that I have had all the experiences of heartbreak and everything afterwards. I feel like it has made me a better version of myself and I have also started to think about myself too, whereas before I would completely sacrifice my own happiness for others (which was so unhealthy).
     
    Asa and Ginny like this.
  6. Asa

    Asa Resident palindrome

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2015
    Threads:
    71
    Messages:
    3,351
    Featured Threads:
    21
    Likes Received:
    15,437
    Trophy Points:
    1,681
    Gender:
    Female
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    :<3: YASSSS!!!!!!!!! :<3:
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Ginny and Jonah Caan like this.
  7. OP
    Jonah Caan

    Jonah Caan Community Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2019
    Threads:
    2
    Messages:
    153
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    550
    Trophy Points:
    862
    Gender:
    Male
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    :relaxed::relaxed::relaxed:

    :<3yellow:
     
    Asa and Ginny like this.
Loading...

Share This Page