Rude coworker all of a sudden being "nice" | INFJ Forum

Rude coworker all of a sudden being "nice"

WellNoWonder

WellNoWonder

Peace Through Action
Dec 10, 2009
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and I'm suspicious of her. She's never been friendly with me, and all of a sudden, BAM!

I had to fax some stuff and was standing next to the machine. She strolled in and stood right next to me, then smiled.

I instantly grabbed some incoming faxes and asked "Do you need any of this?"

"No, I'm just waiting on one, and that's not it." Then she starts asking about my work and if there is a way that it could be made easier for me.

And she's not management or anything.

I gave her some 2 to 3 word answers and bailed up outta there.

During a corporate switchover we had, she was hired on, but she blazed some trails and burned some bridges by going to management and fibbing on employees with more seniority.

One of my coworkers transferred out the department (and we needed her) when a manager approached (and accused) her with what this coworker said. The transferring coworker felt if the boss could not trust her and would believe what the new person was saying without consulting her, there was no reason for her to work here anymore.

Im suspicious, and I don't want her talking to me. I do feel bad about it, but I really don't trust her.

What would you guys do?
 
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Either wants something, or sold you out to someone. I HATE office politics and its why I quit my office job years ago. I would avoid her.
 
In all honesty I'd be mighty paranoid. Could be she's feeling very much like a lone wolf now with the way she has acted and is looking for a friend in the sea of enemies she has created. Of course if she hadn't acted the way she had to begin with making friends sure would be a helluva lot easier.

Personally I'd keep her close as a known enemy and figure out exactly what her motives are. While doing so I'd also make sure to keep her at arms length in regards to anything that could cause me harm...also wouldn't give her any feedback that would make her look good to the higher ups. I get the impression that she is a ladder climber and will knock anyone off any upper rungs as it suits her goals. If she is definitely bad juju then keeping her close might allow you to gather enough dirt to get her shoved out of the picture, if this is the case just make sure you have enough on her so that it is a decisive and complete victory. Waging a war of attrition is never recommended, they can be won but a single decisive battle is always preferred.

I suggest picking up a copy of this book to ready yourself for your battle strategy, if indeed you choose this course of action.
suntzu.jpg
 
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^^ I'm wondering about the sold you out bit, or she's scheming. Hate to say that, but a leopard doesn't change her spots overnight.
 
Billy already said it: she wants something. She is either going to ask you for a favor sometime in the near future, or she is vying for some management position or promotion and wants people to like her better or something. Don't help her in either case.

It is possible that something else is happening, but I doubt it.
 
WellNoWonder said:
and I'm suspicious of her. She's never been friendly with me, and all of a sudden, BAM!

I had to fax some stuff and was standing next to the machine. She strolled in and stood right next to me, then smiled.

I instantly grabbed some incoming faxes and asked "Do you need any of this?"

"No, I'm just waiting on one, and that's not it." Then she starts asking about my work and if there is a way that it could be made easier for me.

And she's not management or anything.

I gave her some 2 to 3 word answers and bailed up outta there.

During a corporate switchover we had, she was hired on, but she blazed some trails and burned some bridges by going to management and fibbing on employees with more seniority.

One of my coworkers transferred out the department (and we needed her) when a manager approached (and accused) her with what this coworker said. The transferring coworker felt if the boss could not trust her and would believe what the new person was saying without consulting her, there was no reason for her to work here anymore.

Im suspicious, and I don't want her talking to me. I do feel bad about it, but I really don't trust her.

What would you guys do?
Click to expand...

If you are really confused with this thing, best way to solve this problem is: Wait for confirmation from her, pass some time and you will know what is truth. Don't we say one thing, time says everything.

What do you think?
 
Thanks yall...

Billy...*sigh* I feel you. I graduate in a few months so I'm trying to stick it out and save some more $$$ then go to grad school full time.

I agree she's up to something. and she just was trying to tell me about the bureaucracy behind her disability paperwork...lolwtf...why would she even tell me this.

I think I'm just going to ignore her....

invisible, how would I approach managment about her? She hasn't exactly done anything to me (even though I have a feeling she may have earlier this year), so I'm not quite comfortable in approaching them yet.

hmmmm.
 
Dragon said:
Billy already said it: she wants something. She is either going to ask you for a favor sometime in the near future, or she is vying for some management position or promotion and wants people to like her better or something. Don't help her in either case.

It is possible that something else is happening, but I doubt it.
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I'll bet she is in danger of losing her job. She may have been warned that if she couldn't work with the other employees, she would be out.
 
She wants something, be polite, helpful, and vague until you can figure out exactly what she's looking for.

For all we know she could realy be trying to change her ways.
 
WellNoWonder said:
invisible, how would I approach managment about her? She hasn't exactly done anything to me (even though I have a feeling she may have earlier this year), so I'm not quite comfortable in approaching them yet.
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in my experience, lying about colleagues is sackable. i have seen people be sacked for it. you can't do it. it's extreme workplace bullying and has to be treated seriously by the organisation. people generally want to know when they have a toxic person like this involved in their business. management likes to have as much information as possible about their staff so they can make informed decisions.

the other thing that is not fair is for you to have to manage this situation alone. it's not your job to do that. it's management's job. they manage employees. it's what they get the big bucks for. you don't.

(there are of course corrupt managements. in which case it's better to move on.)

to some extent i think FA has a point, but i've met people like this before and they have NEVER changed. whatever you do, cover yourself.
 
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Just to offer a different perspective on this, it's quite possible she's being nice simply because things in her life are going well. You don't really know what goes on in her personal life, right? You'd be amazed how much of a difference things in your personal life can have an impact on your work mood.

Simply not wanting to talk to her is incredibly unprofessional. It creates an awkward and tense work atmosphere for both people involved, and frankly makes you as guilty as her. Give her the benefit of the doubt. She might simply be acting nice because she wants to, and someone treating you nice is hardly something to complain about.

I thought this was a benefit of our type, not paranoid judgement and undermining of people's integrity behind their backs.

Maybe I'm too trusting.
 
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I actually think you handled it well. Keep your guard up and your comments as minimal and superficial as possible without neglecting your work competency; while keeping a careful watch on her. Watch her interactions with others but do not get involved. Like Roger said, time will tell or how the saying goes....give her enough rope and she will hang herself.

If she is genuine and harmless...time will tell too.

If she crosses you directly and places you job in jeopardy speak up!
 
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Broken Beggar said:
Just to offer a different perspective on this, it's quite possible she's being nice simply because things in her life are going well. You don't really know what goes on in her personal life, right? You'd be amazed how much of a difference things in your personal life can have an impact on your work mood.

Simply not wanting to talk to her is incredibly unprofessional. It creates an awkward and tense work atmosphere for both people involved, and frankly makes you as guilty as her. Give her the benefit of the doubt. She might simply be acting nice because she wants to, and someone treating you nice is hardly something to complain about.

I thought this was a benefit of our type, not paranoid judgement and undermining of people's integrity behind their backs.

Maybe I'm too trusting.
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^^ This with one caveat:

Don't tell her anything she could use against you and take anything negative/positive she says about other people with a pinch of salt
 
Thanks again everyone...

Flavus Aquila said:
I'll bet she is in danger of losing her job. She may have been warned that if she couldn't work with the other employees, she would be out.
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They have ousted a couple of people in the past 6 months for bad behavior. They were more brazen than she has been though. Like cursing
and flat-out refusal to cooperate despite several warnings. This could be true.

Broken Beggar said:
Just to offer a different perspective on this, it's quite possible she's being nice simply because things in her life are going well. You don't really know what goes on in her personal life, right? You'd be amazed how much of a difference things in your personal life can have an impact on your work mood.

Simply not wanting to talk to her is incredibly unprofessional. It creates an awkward and tense work atmosphere for both people involved, and frankly makes you as guilty as her. Give her the benefit of the doubt. She might simply be acting nice because she wants to, and someone treating you nice is hardly something to complain about.

I thought this was a benefit of our type, not paranoid judgement and undermining of people's integrity behind their backs.

Maybe I'm too trusting.
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I understand what you're saying and point taken.

In general, I'm not one for chit-chat. If we have a big project, I do give my input without any qualms. I do greet and farewell folks, and I think I'm generally polite.....now I have to look at how others may be perceiving/judging me. perhaps...

If she didn't have the history she had, I'd probably be more receptive. And I do understand about personal life too. heh. I'm not generally paranoid, but I gotz the heebie-jeebies about her.

This may be something I have to work on; you've given me something to consider. Thank you.
 
Seen it before. She is pretending to be friends with you so she has credibility when she stabs you in the back. If I'm openly hostile to someone and then lie about them no one will believe me. If I'm their friend and I lie about them it is much easier to get someone fired. You are next.
 
Don't put too much of the politeness / etiquette game, tho. She might have seek you for another allies, but she could also be out to get you, and if she is, she's going to use whatever she can to bring you down-- and that means gossiping about how "unfriendly" or "uptight" you are, or how YOU have some resentment at her.

Be friendly, be a good listener if she ever began to talk about her life, but reveal nothing about yours. If you were offered another help, try to change the direction / if you must, reject it but give no reasons why.
 
WellNoWonder said:
What would you guys do?
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I'd keep my head down and do good work.

If the situation required interacting with her, I'd engage with kindness and politeness, but I wouldn't reveal anything.

I'd keep meticulous notes of everything that could potentially be used against you so that you can counter with your version if called to account. Keep externally sourced documentation of engagements and situations whenever possible. IOW, keep a really good CYA file.

I'm suspicious of everyone in a work environment, but she sounds like a real threat.
 
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