Relationship needs . . . | INFJ Forum

Relationship needs . . .

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Gaze, Apr 12, 2010.

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  1. Gaze

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    So, I just recently realized that my relationship needs are important. YAY ME! :mhula: *i know, weird right?*

    Anyway, my question is, what are your relationship needs (beyond the physical intimacy)? In other words, for someone to have a successful relationship with you, what would they need to understand about you in order to be a good partner?


     
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  2. IndigoSensor

    IndigoSensor Product Obtained
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    My standards are very high, I know this. Because of this, I often will give people far more breathing room then I am confortable with.

    Ideally I need these (more or less in decending order):
    + Words of affermation. Saying they like me, are thinking of me, ect. Generally showing interest.
    + Spending time together. Ideally having a day or more a week were we spend the whole day together.
    + Puncutallity. I.E. not being late and being there when it is said to be.
    + Solidarity. Not wavering on things, interest, ect.
    + Emotionality. Showing emotions and expressing it easily. Does not need to be freely, just as long as it is honest.

    Those are the core ones, of course there is much more to it then this.
     
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  3. emmly

    emmly Community Member

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    I'm still working on figuring this out, but here's a start...

    I need:
    - Occasional solitude. However much I may like a person, I will always want some time alone to process things. Clingy is not cool.
    - To take things slowly. I don't open up quickly about some of the deeper things in life, and I don't want to be pressured.
    - Trust. I need to be able to trust my partner, and for them to trust me. It's the foundation of the relationship.
    - Open-mindedness. I could never be with someone who would judge me for my beliefs or habbits, however odd they may be. I want to be accepted completely- body, mind, and soul.
    - A sense of playfulness and child-like wonder, or curiousity. I want to have fun with my partner, whether it's just joking around and acting silly, going on an adventure together, or learning something something new together!
    - Affirmation. Not necessarily verbal affirmation, but something every once and a while to let me know that they care would be wonderful.
    - To be straight forward. I want to talk about issues in a straight forward manner, no passive agressive bullshit. If there's a problem, I want to know about it so we can work on fixing it together.

    ...Yeah. I'm sure there's more, but those strike me as important.
     
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  4. OP
    Gaze

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    Ok, this is what I think I'd need:

    -Someone who knows when to laugh and when to be serious
    -Someone who can discuss a variety of subjects and not get bored. Doesn't mind talking
    -Someone who approaches life with an attitude of giving more than receiving
    -Someone who wants to be supportive, be there, moderate sensitivity
    -Someone who is not competitive in relationships but competes to be the best at whatever they do
    -Someone who allows me to give and receive
     
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    #4 Gaze, Apr 12, 2010
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2010
  5. Roger

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    Agree and those are really great thinking.

    Someone who should try to see partner's problem through their eyes, this will help to understand themselves. I feel this is most important part to understand partner.
     
  6. TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

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    someone who laughs easily, is emotionally and intellectually open, who is honest about himself and about me, who is intelligent & helpful, who wont mind when i complain about things, who lets me help him with his life, who knows not to take himself seriously & how to have fun, who gives me space when i need it, who loves me without needing to say it, & who knows i love him without needing to hear it :m032:
     
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  7. Grey Wolf

    Grey Wolf Airborne all the way!

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    exactly the same as me.

    except for me, its plus:

    -someone who is consistent
    -someone who is not afraid to take calculated risks
     
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  8. Ecton

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    Lol, someone who doesn't show up on a date with a checklist ;)
     
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  9. Rakawi

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    "INFJ standards: we prefer to make ours, not meet yours."

    lol
     
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  10. OP
    Gaze

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    There are checklists and then there are CHECKLISTS. Two very different things. :m052:
     
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    #10 Gaze, Apr 13, 2010
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2010
  11. tfg345i4u5lw

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    My relationship needs?? hmmm... well first she's gotta have a big o booty like POW. I need a head doctor with long long hair, in underwear. hhaha okay seriously tho. She needs to be classy with plenty of self respect. She needs to be able to connect with me on an intellectual level. She needs to have depth and maturity, thats what matters most to me. She also needs to be able to put up with my occasional rants and she needs to understand that I need my space at times. I can't be all crowded. Also I would really appreciate some good communication. Tell me if you need some space and I'll give it too u. Also I hate insecurity because it leads to games. Games lead to arguments. And arguments are all bad.
     
  12. enfp can be shy

    enfp can be shy people vs the bad people?
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    It seems I don't have many very special requirements. Let's hope that's not "baaaad, m'kay?". Well, I couldn't stand it if they are often too cruel. I also dislike mind games and distrust. I need to know that the other one believes in my sincerity, or rather general well-meaning intentions, unreservedly. Massive distrust and suspicion could slowly kill me, and I want to live. Gossiping tends to be a turn off, so keeping it low is a plus, but not a strong requirement. I prefer direct confrontations (which is different from mind games). I want to be told straightforwardly when something I do is perceived in a negative way. It won't hurt me. It may hurt me more actually if I'm not told.
     
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    #12 enfp can be shy, Apr 13, 2010
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2010
  13. Grey Wolf

    Grey Wolf Airborne all the way!

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    yeah man haha

    I dont really go like : "hmm ok.. honesty. check"

    its more subconcious
     
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  14. beetpoet

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    i appreciate people articulating my subconscious checklist. :behindsofa:

    i would also add:

    someone who takes big or small actions to make it a better world for everyone in it. and who acts out of hope and compassion rather than cynicism and judgement.
     
  15. OP
    Gaze

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    Good one.
     
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  16. Ecton

    Ecton Community Member

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    Restraint,

    Everything on your list seems possible. What made you come to this realization?
     
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  17. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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  18. bamf

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    I completely disagree. Some arguments are good and healthy. I'd never consider myself completely in love with someone until we'd had our fair share of arguments, and had found ways to work through the rough patches.
     
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  19. tfg345i4u5lw

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    I was using "all bad" as an expression, people say it a lot where i'm from but it doesnt mean "everything is bad" its just means its negative you know??

    Youre absolutely right tho. People argue when they care about each other.
     
  20. Barnabas

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    hehehe.... dang, you guys make me feel like a little kid. I don't have even one serious relationship under my belt. I did/do have have a stalker though.
     
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