In moments of rejection especially relationships, I try to think about all the times I'd been accepted.
Rejection of the INFJ
- Thread starter Zelda
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When i'm interested in that person it hurts me pretty much, i mean, who wouldn't, specially if romantic. I can get kinda insecure, and i would start to get the idea that she or he saw something disturbing in my personality that made her/him go away.
Other kinds of rejection like job, group, or something like that, it's not important. Well, it does when someone says that what i do is not tasteful nor good, that happened a couple of times, and i got really sensitive about it but now i'm pretty confident in my own creative outlets, and reasonable enough to take criticism.
Other kinds of rejection like job, group, or something like that, it's not important. Well, it does when someone says that what i do is not tasteful nor good, that happened a couple of times, and i got really sensitive about it but now i'm pretty confident in my own creative outlets, and reasonable enough to take criticism.
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What type of rejection?
Someone you are interested in? When I was younger it would mess me up. All the classic thoughts of, "Whats wrong with me etc." After a while though, I occasionally found myself on the other side of rejection where I was the one not interested. It wasnt that there was anything wrong with the other person, I just did not feel any connection. It was around the same time I realized if I felt that way, other people could feel the same way about me. If there isn't a connection, you wouldn't be doing yourself any favors being with that person anyway.
I also learned that I was "projecting" on some women. I saw something I liked about them and decided they had all of the other attributes I was looking for even though theres no way I could have known that. After enough relationships of, "Why did I ever think she was a good person" etc I realized this.
Rejection simply isnt what most think it is. Most people focus on the, "Whats wrong with me" when theres no connection to that at all. Maybe its, whats wrong with the other person for all you know. That is what I have learned. Since then, if I am turned down its no big deal. Sometimes you arent even being turned down. A person could be interested in you, its just that they currently have their sight set on someone else or are going through something in their life at the time.
This is funny. I can remember a couple times I felt rejected when a woman would tell me she had a boyfriend. I was like, if she liked me she would drop him and go out with me. There must be something wrong with me if shes not willing to do that.
Of course now that I think about it. Maybe they did not have REAL boyfriends. Oh damn.
Someone you are interested in? When I was younger it would mess me up. All the classic thoughts of, "Whats wrong with me etc." After a while though, I occasionally found myself on the other side of rejection where I was the one not interested. It wasnt that there was anything wrong with the other person, I just did not feel any connection. It was around the same time I realized if I felt that way, other people could feel the same way about me. If there isn't a connection, you wouldn't be doing yourself any favors being with that person anyway.
I also learned that I was "projecting" on some women. I saw something I liked about them and decided they had all of the other attributes I was looking for even though theres no way I could have known that. After enough relationships of, "Why did I ever think she was a good person" etc I realized this.
Rejection simply isnt what most think it is. Most people focus on the, "Whats wrong with me" when theres no connection to that at all. Maybe its, whats wrong with the other person for all you know. That is what I have learned. Since then, if I am turned down its no big deal. Sometimes you arent even being turned down. A person could be interested in you, its just that they currently have their sight set on someone else or are going through something in their life at the time.
This is funny. I can remember a couple times I felt rejected when a woman would tell me she had a boyfriend. I was like, if she liked me she would drop him and go out with me. There must be something wrong with me if shes not willing to do that.
Of course now that I think about it. Maybe they did not have REAL boyfriends. Oh damn.
I go sad.
"OH MY GOD, WHY."
I ruminate, self-criticize.
"What did I do wrong? Oh, shit, I should have said that instead of this, I should have done that, prepared against this, how can I be so foolish."
"WHYYYYYY DID I KEEP FAILIIIING"
And then I am angry.
"Well fuck you kindly, And you, and YOU, AND YOU AND YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU FUCK YOU ALL YOU BLEEPERBLEEPERS"
and then I'm much more calm and reasonable and capable of seeing the other side to some point.
"Well, it's not like the fault is all mine."
"Well, it's not like I'm not guilty."
And then I can sort of let it go.
"Well, the result is not ideal, but at least it's over. I can learn. Hopefully tomorrow will be better."
And in some ways and another I identify with a lot of what everyone had said here.
For me, what's most hurting is not only the pain in itself, but the hole it leaves, every single one of them.
It's always very important to do things each day for yourself. For me, I try to do three things that make me feel nice about myself- this might include reading a passage from an inspiring book, taking a bath, exercising, basic hygienic things, putting on a certain lotion, listening to a song I really like. These are kind of girly examples- but it's important to do things like this, because if you do, you will remind yourself of your own worth, without needing to get your worth validated by others. We must appreciate ourselves before other people can appreciate us.
Although it is a hard lesson to learn and it does take practice.
Although it is a hard lesson to learn and it does take practice.
I was very sensitive to criticism. I have learned to develop a good sense of humor to pass easily over it.
When I'm rejected, I always turn it into something extremely funny or ironic. Try to see it from another angle. For example, I can very easily see a ridiculous side to a person, so when I supposedly get rejected, I instantly remeber the ridiculous part of parts of the respective person. Sometimes, I even laughed right in the face of the 'agressor'. Its a speechless effect.
Anyway, the idea is that we should see people as people. If you see people weaknesses, it would be very easy to cope with our own weakness. Actually, it wouldn't even bother you so much.
On the other side, I think I become more balanced over all. It helped me alot reading books. It opened my eyes about perspectives, how things are from a objective point of view.
When you read a novel or a a good romance, you kind of understand how the more extroverted people see rejection and how they deal with it, what is their thought pattern. And this is good, especially if you don't want to ask someone in real life. You can always 'cheat' and learn indirectly from books, from characters.
And finaly, the best advice I can give, which I myself I'm not really good at it but I try, is to genuinely love people. If you have this power, nothing can touch you really. I know beause I lived such moments. I was so friendly and so confortable, that to worry about rejection was the last thing on my mind.
When I'm rejected, I always turn it into something extremely funny or ironic. Try to see it from another angle. For example, I can very easily see a ridiculous side to a person, so when I supposedly get rejected, I instantly remeber the ridiculous part of parts of the respective person. Sometimes, I even laughed right in the face of the 'agressor'. Its a speechless effect.
Anyway, the idea is that we should see people as people. If you see people weaknesses, it would be very easy to cope with our own weakness. Actually, it wouldn't even bother you so much.
On the other side, I think I become more balanced over all. It helped me alot reading books. It opened my eyes about perspectives, how things are from a objective point of view.
When you read a novel or a a good romance, you kind of understand how the more extroverted people see rejection and how they deal with it, what is their thought pattern. And this is good, especially if you don't want to ask someone in real life. You can always 'cheat' and learn indirectly from books, from characters.
And finaly, the best advice I can give, which I myself I'm not really good at it but I try, is to genuinely love people. If you have this power, nothing can touch you really. I know beause I lived such moments. I was so friendly and so confortable, that to worry about rejection was the last thing on my mind.
When it comes to love...I have grown to like...not be as phased. Before, I used to feel physically ill. Now that I am older and wiser, I feel a lot better and tend to think, "Okay...not meant for me..." I tend to think the guy isn't very special because I have felt the same feelings before. So no biggie. It still hurts but hurts less. I also believe in Christ, so I feel like His Words are true and they comfort me and give me hope.
Same with friendships, I tend to just let people go these days. With close family (or very close friends who feel like family), I am deeply wounded and probably need to talk about it if I am to move past it.
Same with friendships, I tend to just let people go these days. With close family (or very close friends who feel like family), I am deeply wounded and probably need to talk about it if I am to move past it.
I like this. I tend to lose myself. Get lost in my head and care less about my physical body. I will eat because that stimulates overwhelming...feel good feelings on the inside...but trying to like take care of other stuff while I feel down...doesn't occur to me. What you talked about sounds so good! I am in a happy place right now, though...so of course doing all that sounds good...but once I feel bad...I will probably go..."meh" to everything you listed...lol. I will try to fight against that next time...because I am sure I will feel down some time in the future.