Question: INFJ & ESFJ relationship?... | INFJ Forum

Question: INFJ & ESFJ relationship?...

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by musicalpyramid, Mar 19, 2009.

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  1. musicalpyramid

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    Hello all,

    Would appreciate any thoughts, insights or experiences of the pros and cons of a relationship between an INFJ and an ESFJ (in this case INFJ male and ESFJ female).

    Many thanks [​IMG]
     
  2. myself

    myself Permanent Fixture

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    I'm falling hard for an ESFJ girl and I don't know how to brace myself for impact. It feels so good just being with her, but I sense that I might not be exciting enough for her in the long run.

    I am fascinated by her. I haven't told her how I feel. I'm just waiting for something to confirm it for me, I guess. I hesitate to move quickly into romance because I don't want to waste my time.

    Maybe she just wants to go out on a date and see how we click? I'm already thinking about having kids with her, doing it for life...
     
  3. myself

    myself Permanent Fixture

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    pros and cons

    I think it's neat how she thinks so differently about things, yet she can communicate with me on the same frequency. I think I found a special ESFJ. She can read me really well, and she is really smart.

    I think the investment on my part would mainly be to listen and care when she needs to talk. I like listening to her talk because I feel like she really appreciates it when I do. Sometimes it is really fascinating to hear her perspective on things. She's cute, funny, gorgeous, really attractive in so many ways. I really like the fact that she helps keep me grounded. I think we might work well together because we balance each other out.

    I haven't started a serious relationship with her yet. I am waiting to build up our friendship a bit more. Trying to take it slow and not rush into anything before it's the right time.

    Getting to know her feels very natural and easy.

    Cons...

    I'd probably make some big compromises to be with her. I think it'd be great to live in Alaska. I don't think that she would be happy in the wilderness. She is not a country girl, probably not so outdoorsy. She might need material things that I find pointless. She might really want to live in a city and do things that I find constricting.

    It's not such a huge sacrifice though, is it? It goes back to what I feel about her keeping me grounded. There is something about that I like.

    Shit. My moms esfj....
    Does that mean anything? Should I run away from this girl? It would be really hard to do. In another thread someone referred to this pairing as a trap. It does feel like I am sinking deeper into this relationship, but it feels so nice that I don't really mind.

    I feel like she likes me and I like her, we accept each other as equals, and there is some chemistry at work that I can't resist.
     
  4. Puck

    Puck Perilous Pixie
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    I'm married to one. I can relate very well to you Ben. PM me with any questions you might have.
     
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  5. Faye

    Faye ^_^
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    I think the last girl I was with was ESFJ (atleast that is what she got on the test and acted like, so i'm pretty sure about it). It was short and ended horribly.

    Hey, it could work. In my experience it didn't, but it could just be our individual personalities.
     
  6. myself

    myself Permanent Fixture

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    Hey Dragon, if you don't mind me asking...
    How short was your thing with her? Did you love her? Was it just a fling thing? Could you feel where the relationship would go before things turned out like they did?

    PM me if you prefer.
     
  7. Billy

    Billy Contents Under Pressure
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    I am taking an ESFJ girl out tomorrow night. I love how cute she is, Latina hottie, very extroverted GREAT laugh and smile very polite and friendly, but extroverted which I like a lot. I know that INFJs and ESFJs are supposed to be illusionary couples but I have a good handle on myself and she seems to have grown up in a healthy happy family so I dont know if she will be manipulitive... Its wierd my brother is dating an ESFJ too supposedly but he is miles differnt from this one I know.

    Hopefully itll work out we will see, I got to set up a date with my friends sister too shes an ENFP which is supposed to be ideal for me, I dunno we will see there too lol.
     
  8. daydreamer

    daydreamer Permanent Fixture

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    I went out with an SF for a bit, it was okay. However, we liked talking about different things and what I mean is that I would rather talk about philosophy and he would rather talk about sports.

    But who knows, it could work.
     
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  9. Blind Bandit

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    I would probably as others have said bore the crap out an ESFJ. I'm just to abstract and not in the here and now enough.

    My mom is an ESFJ.



    Also I've found Fe Vs Fe is really bad for fights. Angry and emotions just feed each others flames and it can get bad.
     
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  10. booksncats

    booksncats Newbie

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    I have a lot of problems with Ps and extreme Es. P's because I find them flaky and my structured, planning-oriented self can't handle it. E's are okay in moderation, but extreme E's drive me nuts because I feel like I'm just a number to them.
     
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  11. Matariki

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    Stayawayits from those pesky ESFJ's. :m169:
    With all honesty your better off with a ENTP or an ENFP. :m027:
    To put it bluntly, INFJ's are simply too complex for an ESFJ to be effective in a long term relationship.
    ESFJ's can be controlling, over sensetive and great at imagining bad intentions when there weren't any.
    They are also some what closeminded.
    ESFJ's need constant praise (for what I don't know) If you like the "yeah, like whatever" personality then, whatever floats your boat.

    Good luck.



     
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    #11 Matariki, Apr 13, 2010
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2010
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  12. Quinlan

    Quinlan Right the First Time!

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    If an INFJ thinks they're too complex for an ESFJ then they don't deserve one.
     
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  13. IndigoSensor

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    This kind of relationship will be hard if the INFJ doesn't understand Si, and if the ESFJ doesn't understand Ni. At least to a level where they don't dislike it or shoot it down. If this is the case, this actually could be a really really good relationship for both. Rare though.

    I rather like ESFJ's personally (I prefer ISFJ's though), they just come across a little too strong at times.
     
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  14. Matariki

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    That is why ISFP's were made, go get em tiger! (the ESFJ's)
     
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  15. Blind Bandit

    Blind Bandit Blind Man Being Lead to Nowhere
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    I think it could work. But thats just way to much Fe in one room for me. They would both have to be very balanced for it to work.
     
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  16. under skies

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    Same here; my mom is an ESFJ, and we have that problem. We are close, but we communicate very differently and can sometimes experience a lot of conflict because of it. For one, she is extremely extroverted, so she talks nonstop and says everything she thinks out loud without even realizing she's saying anything. She also can't stand to be alone for more than a few hours. She does not get at all why or how I can be so introverted, so she's always telling me to, "Say something," or whatever. When she can get me to talk, she and I never agree on subject matter. She likes to make a lot of small talk, stuff that sometimes seems a bit shallow and obvious or uninteresting to me, and she doesn't like talking about things she considers irrelevent to her being or things that are hypothetical situations. She thinks the topics I end up bringing up are a bit weird and too abstract.

    On the plus side, my mother is a ton of fun to be around. I mean, I don't know if that's an ESFJ thing or just my mom, but she's always laughing and always has something going on.

    I love my mom, but I'm not sure how I'd fare in a relationship with an ESFJ. The most important thing, though, is that, if you like this girl, you just give her an honest chance and try to understand and appreciate how you guys are different. There's obviously going to be a bit of misunderstanding, but I think any pairing of types can be successful as long as both people involved are mature and want the relationship to work.
     
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  17. testing

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    My mom's an ESFJ as well... I know a couple of other ESFJs and you're right, though I would never have put it that way before, that FE vs. FE smackdown can get ugly! LOL!

    ESFJs: Definitely not ones for the abstract at all, and a little too "what's in it for me" for my taste sometimes. And personally, I really can't take that much socializing. It's absolutely n o n -s t o p. They drag you along to parties and then LEAVE you in a crowd. Of strangers. Ugh.

    But on the plus side, the ESFJs I've known have also been very warm, very friendly, hardworking and ambitious, which are all very nice qualities, I think.

    P.S. In case I didn't make it perfectly clear, I do think ENFJs are wonderful people, and I love my own ESFJ mother a lot, and if you love an ESFJ, go for it! Just watch out for the party thing, and get used to having a lot of people around.
     
    #17 testing, Apr 14, 2010
    Last edited: Apr 14, 2010
  18. Matariki

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    Hey my mother is also an ESFJ, shes got the whole "I am so much better than you" attitude going on not to mention the gossiping and those bloody womens magazine's that she reads all the time, full of diarrea about what celebrities get up to. :m169:
    ESFJ's are so PC (not the computer PC)
     
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    #18 Matariki, Apr 15, 2010
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2010
  19. bamf

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    I had a quick thing with an ESFJ about a year ago. Things started off great, but I'm pretty sure I got boring for her rather quickly. She always had to be on the go, and always had to be socializing. I just wasn't the right guy for her, and it started to show. I'm still friends with her, but things between us just didn't mix right for a relationship.
     
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  20. Blase

    Blase Regular Poster

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    INFJs with ESFJ mothers

    My mom is an ESFJ too. Am I the only one who finds this a little weird? Well, I guess maybe there's enough of us here to find moms of every type, but still... maybe its more than just a coincidence o_O

    Maybe I'll start a thread on this...
     
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