[PUG] Patterns of the INFJ Forums

I would like to state some observations I have seen lately that have not been brought up directly which I think should be addressed. I believe if the members of the INFJ forums would adhere or at least listen to some of these principles that there would be less conflict going about around these parts. I also think there would be a lot less ‘repeat’ threads, threads that touch upon the same sort of issues again and again. I am sure that many people are using these forums as an unhealthy escape that they consider a release, and I would like to offer to those who are interesting this advise. I thought it to be the most constructive rather than addressing every thread with remarkable similarities with the same answers.

1. Do not interfere with other people’s problems unless they ask for advice.
2 . You may be asked for advice, but that does not mean the receive parties of your advice will take it.
3. Do not have expectations for other people or events. Expectations lead to the biggest disappointments.
4. Roll with the punches. When things don’t go your way, find an alternative way.
5. Your opinions are personal to you. They are no one’s but your own.
6. Do not triangle. Refuse to listen to others venting about people you know or may know. If possible, eliminate the giving and receiving of ‘gossiping’ all together. If someone begins to talk negatively about someone in a non-constructive way, do not become involved.
7. Offer help to others when needed but realize the extent of help you can give. Do not help to the point of enabling.
8. Act, not react. Learn to control your emotions. Feel what you feel but do not live your feelings; remember that feelings are valid but they do not merit action. Logic alongside feeling should be put into making a decision.
9. Self reflect enough to be able to solve your own problems without involving others to much. At the same time, do not isolate yourself to the point where you are not open to receiving help.
10. Figure out your priorities and create real goals. Accomplish these goals, and do not stop creating goals.
11. Live by your standards, but do not push them upon others.
12. Realize that you are the only one who can decide to do something- do not rely on others to fulfill your dreams or goals for you, or comfort your emotional needs.
13. Learn to accept your mistakes and continue to make mistakes, your whole life. Mistakes are learning experiences. You will make a mistake until you learn to do it right. Accept that, and do not become overly frustrated with human imperfections.
14.You are not responsible for anyone else’s actions but your own and cannot control other people.
15. Fear is natural, but to be overcome. Work on your fears and realize which are rational and irrational, and work to remove yourself of unnecessary fears.
16. Overthinking is easy to do. Realize when you are doing this and stop yourself; worry does not prevent disasters, actions do. If you are thinking about something to much take action to relieve those thoughts- if you can do nothing, realize you can do nothing and seek other ways to feel at ease with your current circumstances.
17. Remain positive. Negative feelings and thoughts are okay, but too much gets us nowhere. For every bad side of the situation there is a positive.
18. Do things for you, not for others. This ties into expectations. If you decide to do a kind thing, decide to do it for your own reasons, not for the gratitude of others. If you decide to do a terrible thing, do it for your own personal reasons, not to invoke sadness or anger in another being.
19. Do not be afraid to express your feelings, but realize what is appropriate or not. Do not be afraid to go against the public to express yourself, but know the consequences and own up to them.
20. Do what you love. Love what you do.

Those were the first things that came to my mind and it would solve pretty much ALL of the problems I see expressed in the emotional support threads. I have made an emotional support thread before too so I admit to my part. After a while, these problems become repetitive and clear that no matter what you say the problem will persist and never be solved unless a person takes certain principles into their life.

I know that this is an MBTI centered forum so I understand why the focus so often is on MBTI. I do not visit the forums often anymore because every post I arrive to has to do with the type of people and assumptions made based on these categorizations. I think it is important to see people the way they are and not label them as anything but their name. This, I understand, is a personal belief. It depresses me to see all of the focus on types and persons, I feel, it depersonalizes the human race. Personality psychology is the most flawed of all psychological pursuits, or so goes my personal opinion.

I feel that the members of this forum use type as a way to gloss over their personal flaws and to a certain degree abandon responsibilities for certain traits. MBTI is set up in such a way that it states a person is born a certain personality type and remains that type- while they can develop other skills they have dominant skills that will always remain. This, in a sense, encourages the followers of MBTI to relate every aspect of their life to MBTI and attribute positive traits and negative traits of their personality and lifestyle to their MBTI type. They also attempt to relate and clan up to others of their type and believe these people are among the very few who can understand them, which creates cliques and arrogance. The belief that many members belong to a group of a statistical minority of the population encourages them to believe they are special, and in some ways, superior to other types and other peoples.

It creates a them vs. us mentality that creates subconscious discrimination against certain individuals with perceived traits. This is a frightening idea. MBTI was not originally intended to serve the purposes above, and I’m sure Carl Jung would be frightened to see such a following unfolding, for I have been concerned about my own participation and encouragement of this system.

I understand that this is a MBTI forum that is based on rigorous belief of these ideas and may or may not welcome criticism of the system. I’m putting forth these ideas because I feel they need to be addressed and have not seen relevant material to this. I have no questions to present, only my own view and ideas I have revealed.

 

This was never stated. I am only sharing an opinion.

It may not help you but it might help another person. I am doing my part to offer advice to the very grasping hands of these forums. Like I also stated, I felt the need to post it all in one place rather than just post the same lines on every advice thread that comes around. I believe that most if not all problems I have seen on these forums can be solved with one of these twenty 'principles', and by offering them here if I could help one person realize something about themselves before they post I would be grateful.

I do not believe that venting helps anyone unless it is constructive, and unfortunately, it is clear that the majority people who come here for advice ignore the advice and are simply looking for emotional support. This by itself is fair, though not desirable. What ends up happening is that these people depend on others to an emotional degree that they do not know how to solve their own problems without venting to several people. That can get you into a degree of trouble, and paint yourself as a negative person who always has a problem. Venting is fair and a healthy human emotional reaction but it is being overused as a crutch.

I have decided to avoid the emotional support thread altogether, but it seems that those events spill onto the rest of the forum. I have been quite busy lately so I haven't had the time that I used to in which to post on these forums. But, I do admit, a lot of my lack of posting is because of my recent change in viewpoint of these forums. These forums didn't change; I did, and I am just giving the general public a chance to relate to the opinions I am expressing. I've seen a few who agree to a degree.

 

Actually, I do not think this will effect the flow of the emotional support threads, and if it does my belief is that it will effect it in a positive way. If people are not posting much in those areas, it wouldn't be out of fear, it would be out of a lack of need. However, I don't expect a decline of threads or any of the repeat problems to magically be solved by offering my opinion, but now I can say that I tried. I did not sit back and let my opinion be unheard, my advice to shrivel away. I said what I had to say and the rest is up to the INFJ members. I will not be making any more threads in the emotional support thread until the end of my reign here. This was a personal decision that I made, but perhaps others will also reflect upon these aspects and make a similar choice or at least consider the advice I have given them. This is my solution, now I no longer feel part of the problem.

At the same arm's length I must understand that the infj forums may WANT to be discussing these things, and that it is not a lack of understanding that is the problem it is my lack of understanding. In which, if the last option is the correct one, it is my problem, not the INFJ forums.

 

I propose a self improvement discussion area, aimed at self improvement, inspirational content and positive upbeat attitudes.