[INFJ] - Opening up, too much? | Page 5 | INFJ Forum

[INFJ] Opening up, too much?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by TheFool, Jan 24, 2020.

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  1. April

    April Well-known member

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    Oh! @John K you too with your gentle wisdom, you've got a special place in my heart too! Gosh, people keep liking this and I see their name and I realize how many people truly I have to thank. <3
     
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  2. Ren

    Ren Pin's android

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    Are you on the way to where you want to be? :wink:

    You've returned to studying, done well, even taken English Lit classes more recently—that's already a lot and you should be proud.
     
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  3. John K

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    Hey April :<3orange::hug:

    I've found that there is no-one out there who can give the deep understanding some of us crave. It has to come from within - that's where we will find our worth, who we really are, and then we realise that it was there all along. It's one of those paradoxes in life that if you can find your own value within and just care for others with the confidence that comes from that, without craving their understanding, or anything else from them, you will attract people to you. I suspect there's loads of opportunity to explore this in your nursing profession. It's best to take it slowly if we do meet someone with a depth of soul that resonates with us - for example lots of INFJs seem to struggle with the wounds of life and are very cautious about starting new non-trivial social entanglements. Be interested and caring without expectation or too much investment up-front and let things develop slowly with deep HSP folks. Of course I'm not talking about totally unconditional caring - we can do without being dumped on as well, so intuition is important here.

    You have a great heart, April - that's your gift and you don't need constant feed back to tell you that, if only you can see it yourself too :)
     
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  4. Aneirin

    Aneirin AKA, David
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    As always, eloquently spoken wisdom.
     
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  5. April

    April Well-known member

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    Aww, thank you John, you give the best advice! Hugs!! I'm trying to do just as you say! <3
     
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  6. April

    April Well-known member

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    Yes! And I am proud! <3 Thanks, Ren.
     
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  7. OP
    TheFool

    TheFool Community Member

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    Thread took a turn while I was gone. Great to see honest input here! :)

    I like how many of you give honest answers. This is what I meant when I was referring to being honest. So often we tend to cover our intents with sugary words. An internet forum like this takes off that sugar coating. :)

    In addition to this board I have friends with whom I can truly talk about things that really matter to me. Our bonds are so tight that I don’t have to be afraid to say what I think or feel whether it is about me or them. Also since I am interested in mythology, astrology, psychedelics and have a background of doing stuff that most never do in their lives. I have a squad of dear friends and everyone of them is very different but with whom I share same kind of interests and history. This enables me to open up about different parts of me. I can’t talk about how much acid I took last weekend with all of them but I have friends with whom I can do that. I have a special kind of bond with each of them and every relationship gives me unique kinds out- and inputs.

    It hasn’t always been like this. I used to feel very isolated and was never truly able to express my unique interests with people around me. But few years ago I decided to go out there and reach out to people with whom I felt this weird intuitive connection. It was scary but as I took the risks I have found a dozen wonderful friends. Not all of them are super close because of the geographical distance between us but I feel same tribal connection with all of them.

    Despite that I have managed to connect with all of these wonderful individuals, I still sometimes feel that I am opening up too much. BUT after I have contemplated on this now few days I have realized that the strongest bonds I have, are with those people I truly and purely feel accepted as I am AND I have been able to give the needed energy, patience and time to nurture and evolve the relationship. None of the bonds were made overnight. We have gone through a lot together before our relationships evolved to the state they now are.

    So the original problem seems to be, for me at least, semantics while communicating through letters. It takes time before you get to know someone and they to know you and your style to communicate. Only very few people have actually been able to understand what I mean with the stuff I say. So every time I write “without a filter” I take a risk of that person giving his / her support or withdrawing. It is an invitation and it feels scary since I could have misinterpreted the vibes and that invitation ends up being rejected. I guess my opening up process during the past years have been about overcoming that fear of rejection and creating my own tribe. :)

    What a wall of extrovert feeling this post became! I guess I needed a little chat with me and myself. :p
     
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  8. Maikl Jexocuha

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    Overthinking is worse than not opening up or opening up too much, imo. I know, for me, that's my challenge. Don't think about it - you'll find out when you reach that hump whether it was too much or too little. ;)
     
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  9. Maikl Jexocuha

    Maikl Jexocuha Ла Фагмакфа!
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    Haters gonna hate, man. If people hate you for something you said that was a) unintentional, b) misinterpreted, or c) misunderstood without giving you a chance to apologize, explain, and/or learn from it, then they didn't want to engage with you, for real, in the first place. Thus, it is better to let 'em be, don't speculate too much, and move on. Not worth trying to win favors, in the name of fakeness, and having to keep putting up a mask all time to win favors: an exhausting waste of time and energy in the long run.
     
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  10. A Guy

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    pan.jpg
     
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  11. Tim dao

    Tim dao Regular Poster

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    I dont dislike any of you.
     
  12. April

    April Well-known member

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    I don't dislike you either. I mean I was wondering if you truly wanted relationship advice after saying you're not looking for a girl, and then asking me if I was a single mom then when i said i was in a relationship you asked what I like about my man, so I told you, and you said that it sounded like you. You can see how I thought that might be weird right? No hard feelings right? Do over? Lol
     
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  13. Tim dao

    Tim dao Regular Poster

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    Im not even mad. I assumed you had wisdom I could learn from and was eager to gather data.
     
  14. April

    April Well-known member

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    Well that makes sense. It's okay. :) Just so you know it's hard to trick INFJs in general, lol. But welcome and I apologize.
     
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  15. Tim dao

    Tim dao Regular Poster

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    My father told me to not eat free food from strangers when you go over seas. I have obvious weaknesses that can be exploited.
     
  16. BritNi

    BritNi Perceptive Optimist

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    I wish I had words right now.... You're beautiful, April. Thank you so much! ❤️❤️❤️
     
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  17. Aneirin

    Aneirin AKA, David
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    for one with no words, you spoke them beautifully
     
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  18. larcipelago

    larcipelago Community Member

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    Uhm. Put that shield back again my friend. Do more digging than opening up. I find it more fun, than standing naked in front of a newly met. Get to the point where the other side tells: "Omg why am I telling you this?" (I intentionally poked you dude, inside my heart). Ups bad advise sorry, I played chess too much. I love it when people cant guess me but I can guess them.
     
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  19. Maikl Jexocuha

    Maikl Jexocuha Ла Фагмакфа!
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    Yup...
     
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