Online vs. Real Life

[Quinlan]

I think online "me" is probably closer to the "true" me than real life me (other than a few close relationships).

In real life, I mostly observe so people never really get an idea of who I am, being online removes a lot of filters too so you get closer to my actual thought processes.

 

[AUM]

I'm the same in real life and online. I wouldn't know how to become someone else, and the purpose of this forum is to know more about yourself so why would anyone lie about it?

 

[gloomy-optimist]

I show a certain facet of myself online. It's probably a deeper side of myself, or at least on an emotional level, but I wouldn't say it's closer to the "true" me. I'm different in real life, and I'm different depending on who I'm associating with, but I don't think I'm fake in any case. It's just what's appropriate -- all together is what makes me who I am.

 

[Faye]

I think this is a very interesting topic
Well for me, I'm more open online than in real life. I'm pretty quiet & timid towards people when we're out in large groups (having friends of friends). I think the trust issue is HUGE for me for both online communication with friends and being out with friends in real life. I don't open up so easily anymore because I got hurt so many times from (or so I thought) the closest friends I once had. So, in cases where I meet people for the first time, as an INFJ I think we have this intuitive feeling of knowing if we're going to get along with a person once we meet him/her for the first time or not. I wonder if other INFJs are like that or is it just me that's like that? I think in any case, we're all more comfortable talking online with friends because we tend to be more open since it's not really a face to face conversation, which makes it hard sometimes to tell if the person is truthful in what they're saying or not, since you can't make eye contact with them.
How about opening up to someone you like, would you want to tell them online or face to face in real life?
I would say face to face is better because you'll see their reaction once you tell them your feelings towards them. If it's going to be really hard and I don't feel comfortable telling them (depending on the person) in person, then I'll tell them online.

What do you think?

I would prefer to tell them in person. If it is online, they can ignore it and you don't see their reactioin. In the past, I couldn't ask a person out in person, but now I think I'm confident enough to do it- the problem is finding someone. Online is so impersonal and alienating, and I don't think our society has enough good face to face communication. Some people only communicate to me online when we have the capacity to see each other in person, and I hate those people. I would much rather see a person in real life than online, so ignoring me in real life really makes me think the person is fake.

I'm sorry Dragon but thats not the case for everyone online so don't you drop anchor here. Those who play some game on the internet and act completely different in real life are phonies!

I don't think everyone is that way. Its just some people.

What makes you so sure that people in real life are more sincere than online? In my opinion it may even be the other way around. I know quite a lot of insincere people in real life as well.. They act a certain way, but that's not how they really are at all. Also, it's easier to speak your mind online, at least for me, so I think I might even be myself more on here than when I'm talking face to face with someone. However I'm always having trouble trusting people. Online and in real life.

I can't trust people online anymore easily because people are more fake on here- they are more apt to present their ideal selves.

I'm the same in real life and online. I wouldn't know how to become someone else, and the purpose of this forum is to know more about yourself so why would anyone lie about it?

Why lie about it? Because you don't like yourself, know yourself, want to fit in, etc. I've noticed this especially on Myspace. People will decorate their profiles to portray the person they want to be even if that person doesn't really resemble them at all.


I don't think everyone is different in person than online, and I think INFJs would be more likely to be the same in person. However, I've recently had several (4 I think, at least 4) very bad experiences with people being completely different in person from how they were online. I think it is a huge problem for ESXJ women.

These experiences have made me distrust how people present themselves online. I can't trust anyone unless what they say online matches up to what they do in person to some extent. I don't just need online friends; I need real life friends. Some people seem content to be only online friends though. I am only okay with that if it is the only option.

 

[Wyote]

I've met several people from online and they've all turned out to be different from what I had perceived - what they presented. Sometimes it's been negative and sometimes it's just been weird. It's pretty much never been positive.

I'm as much myself as possible online, though IRL I am far less articulate (haha cuz I am sooo articulate online!). I am always like "I... uhh... and... errr...." and can not really explain myself out loud very well unless I am around somebody I've known for a while. People have said I look like I "have it together" whatever that means, but I don't really feel that way.

But yea, mostly people are just jackasses. You don't see their jackassery online because they hide that sort of thing.

 

[Lucifer]

I am a bit more quiet on the internet and more philosphical in real life.

I don't have the patience to write my thoughts down, at least not very often.

 

[Mystic7]

Dissonance factor

I think it comes down to a basic dissonance between how people present themselves online and how they act in real life. I think there are a lot of different scenarios:

1. People who act the same on both. This would be me... I don't act that different.
2. People who are super-open online because of the near-total anonymity thing, and are more closed-off in person (and may be thinking geez I can't believe I told this person that stuff I told them the other night).
3. People who are acting like somebody else online because they want to look good, and then act like their real selves in person.
4. Or, people who always act like somebody else online and in person, and you won't find out who they really are for a few months. lol...

 

[sedna]

I've never met one person who was the same online vs. offline...self included. Nobody could be that consistent.

The online world is in my power to control. I can think about what I post. When I'm out and about, I have no idea how I might react to others or what mood I'll be in. Sometimes I'm over-the-top, sometimes I'm deadly-silent.

This world was not built for us, so I doubt any INFJ could saunter into the offline world as they are without suffering major repercussions. The weirdo that I am, there are very few people in this world who could handle me and I know who they are. They get full-Sedna.

For acquaintances...they often get the impression that I'm an extrovert because I talk to everyone I meet. If they read these boards, they might be surprised that I'm an introvert.

As someone who shoots people (both stills and video), I'm often shocked that folks (of all types) are generally taken aback about how they appear in the world. Many people are horrified. There's a complete disconnect.

There is a tendency to overcompensate for what we lack. I think I'm shamed by how much time I spend alone, how alone I am in the world, and how few friends I have, that on occasions when I do venture out, I pour on a lot of extroversion that seems to come out of nowhere.

 

[sassafras]

I think I'm more outspoken and honest online. I'm also more eloquent, because I've always fancied myself a better writer than I am a speaker. Which is why I think I tend to get a bit longwinded with my posts; I like to express myself and I don't usually get a chance to in real life because I'm either a) too self conscious or b) overwhelmed by the louder, more outspoken people in the room

Then again, it depends who I'm interacting with offline. If its my close friends and family, than I'm definitely more like myself online.

One thing that's consistent offline and online, though, is that I'm usually seen as rather aloof or hard to read.

 

[Gaze]

It's a bit of both really, for me. I think people open up more online, so you can get to know them more easily than you would face to face, assuming both people have the intenton of being honest. Online interaction is included in my definition of real life. It's not two separate realites, but different aspects of a person are emphasized in the two settings. Face to face, people are perhaps more guarded from the beginning - more frightened of disapproval, so I think it takes a while to build trust, so people don't get hurt. A longstanding face to face friendship translated to an online one will remain the same, but if you begin with an online friendship, moving to a face to face setting means you then have to do the work you have missed, building trust with that person. I don't think you can ever skip that step if you are to develop long lasting friendships, but it doesn't mean that the online communication that came before is a waste of time - it can be a great help to fuel those first awkward face to face conversations. The key is to be patient.

Great advice.

Another thing is that not everyone has the luxury of being who they are entirely irl. Most fill social roles and functions. Personal characteristics are not acceptable because they do not fit or work well for a job, family life, friends, situation, etc. It's not a good idea for anyone to get caught up on this idea that we should be able to "be ourselves" whenever we would like. It's a bit socially irresponsible. Who we are in private settings or situations may not be appropriate for public social interactions. Although I may be more extroverted online, I still need to temper my image in person, especially in light of professional expectations. So, of course, it wouldn't be appropriate to be this open or expressive in person. It would be disruptive and socially uncomfortable. Extraversion online is fine as long as we don't meet in person. ; )

 

[transcendentalethos]

I think it's less about people portraying themselves honestly and more about how differently they may portray their feeling in the real world. Though you are right... theoretically it would be very easy to create a false persona online. The internet would seem the perfect place to let the subconscious run wild, naked, and free with having less to worry about social etiquette or those other interpersonal pressures, since there is no X exit boxes to click on with real people if things aren't going smoothly.