OMG, I just cannot get on with my ISTJ mum!
- Thread starter Altruistic Muse
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- Nov 12, 2008
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Derailing! Stop that.
Anyways I kinda clawed my mom today out of reflex...
Grr as I am typing this she made a deraggotrory mark.
I said one little thing b/c she was like "That's a slow way to do it"
She never trusts me in the way I do things, so I said something lightly cheeky and she flipped on me and covered my mouth and idk my nails....I'm sorry about it, though.
Hehe, as my math teacher once said (well she had quote cards)
"Those who have tact don't have to retract"
I love that one.
Anyways I kinda clawed my mom today out of reflex...
Grr as I am typing this she made a deraggotrory mark.
I said one little thing b/c she was like "That's a slow way to do it"
She never trusts me in the way I do things, so I said something lightly cheeky and she flipped on me and covered my mouth and idk my nails....I'm sorry about it, though.
Hehe, as my math teacher once said (well she had quote cards)
"Those who have tact don't have to retract"
I love that one.
Trolling and giving an opinion aren't necessary separate.
And about me not be tactful I'm calling it out nothing more nothing less.
The Op had a legitimate issue. I don't see that as being a spoiled brat.
I have some experience in dealing with this. An SJ trait is to not trust people to be competent or more competent than said SJ. They feel there way is best and thats how they tend to operate.
And realistically I would probably get a little annoyed by that too.
As for my advice realize that your mom may not ever see eye to eye with you and enjoy what you connect on. And when things get rough don't cross each others path. Its rather frustrating but I've hard a hard time co existing with SJ's when things come to shove. Really there is only so much you can do without your your moms cooperation A relationship is two people and it takes both for it to work.
Edit:
Another thought. I've noticed that when I'm in close quarters with a strong J type I tend to be more Pish. And I know that with other strong Js I tend to butt heads for a variety of reasons. This could also be part of your problem. You may not be a super strong J but it still can cause conflict.
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When she flipped, do you mean she got physical with you? This must be an ISTJ thing as well if so, my mum always does it! If she gets really mad she'll start throwing things around and she'll hit me or pinch me or something. I could never really relate to that because when I get angry I get sad and cry rather than destructive! I may punch a wall or something, but I could never ruin a room because I know how disappointed I'd be by the time I came down from my rush!
And yes, they do do everything a certain way. When i do housework my mum sits with me first and "shows me how to do it". I'm not saying its not a very efficient way of doing it, it just irritates me that my doing her a favour isn't enough, it also has to be done exactly how she wants it and NOW.
Poor you but you're not alone! Happens every day lol. Glad we've both got people to relate to!
I used to know an ISTJ =.= Ahh, yes he seemed like a friend for a year but he was actually emotionally bullying me and my friend (although I was aware of it happening and ignored it). He turned out to be very disturbed and creepy... and attention-seeking (maybe histrionic?).
I haven't known any others, but I'm fairly sure he's a bad example of one. Always superior and arrogant. He was also very fake most of the time, except when my sister made him angry. Thank goodness he kicked himself out of the group >>
Your mum sounds a bit like she's scared of you growing up and having a life without her. Maybe she's trying to put you off certain ideas because she subconsiuously doesn't want you to leave, or she's too proud to say that.
I'm sure her arguing with you is just her way of showing she's worried and that she cares. Which probably makes it not easier to deal with, but the motivation is whats important, right? The heirarchy could be that she's also scared of you becoming more successful or powerful than she is and taking 'revenge' on her or something.
This is all just speculation though, but she sounds very afraid.
I haven't known any others, but I'm fairly sure he's a bad example of one. Always superior and arrogant. He was also very fake most of the time, except when my sister made him angry. Thank goodness he kicked himself out of the group >>
Your mum sounds a bit like she's scared of you growing up and having a life without her. Maybe she's trying to put you off certain ideas because she subconsiuously doesn't want you to leave, or she's too proud to say that.
I'm sure her arguing with you is just her way of showing she's worried and that she cares. Which probably makes it not easier to deal with, but the motivation is whats important, right? The heirarchy could be that she's also scared of you becoming more successful or powerful than she is and taking 'revenge' on her or something.
This is all just speculation though, but she sounds very afraid.
Hey Laurie, thanks for advice
. I think this is true, although the last thing my mum would admit. She's always saying you need me more than I need you, move out I couldn't care less etc. But some people are very good at hiding fear aren't they. And she does have this fear that me and my siblings might think we're cleverer than her because we're better educated, so she's always going on about how intelligent she is. Whereas we don't even think about it yno? Yeh I think you can tell what people are insecure about from what they bring up the most yno?
Ooo, this is interesting! I adore those ISTJs. I'm renting out my grandmother's basement suite and she is an ISTJ. We actually spent a couple hours this evening discussing MBTI. She knows I've been really interested in it but I knew it'd be best not to start trying to sway her in the knowledge until I was sure and she could add it to her 'internal' list of facts. WHICH might I add is practically never-ending for an ISTJ...
I loved it yesterday evening when her and I had been watching a film and there was a brief scene on the screen of rolling hills and greenery. She spoke up to say, "That's _______ in Scotland. I've been there you know! [" while at that time I had been wondering the significance of the scene ("Is there a deeper meaning?") It seems no matter what we do, she can apply it to an experience and some tidbit of knowledge she picked up in the moment.
I do become irritated by my grandma sometimes, yes. But never to the point where I hold her accountable for my feelings. I recognize that our greatest clash comes in her methodical approach of wanting things done in a way that she KNOWS works well and efficiently. Whereas I understand her angle and am eager to follow her guidelines to get the task done (and done well, might I add!) but I'm more comfortable in procrastinating (sometimes until I'm under stress because of a deadline). I work better under stress whereas my grandma only becomes frustrated and ill under stress.
ISTJs take on so many duties that I understand why they would want things done quickly and efficiently as this means they wouldn't ever have to go back and try again.
I'll be honest, from my experience, ISTJs are admirable as heck. They may come off as if they think they're right because of a confident tone to their speech... but often they ARE right because they practice what they know as fact. Sorry.
Also, might interest you: my grandma often talks about how it is so common for people to think that she is coming to them and wanting them to do things her way but in reality she is only offering a grocery list so to speak of options. "This is what has worked for me and it has worked well. Do what you want." But again, from my experience, you better to take an ISTJs advice. Hehe.
Good luck! I suggest you read blurbs on the web about ISTJ parenting. I imagine your mom means quite well.
I loved it yesterday evening when her and I had been watching a film and there was a brief scene on the screen of rolling hills and greenery. She spoke up to say, "That's _______ in Scotland. I've been there you know! [" while at that time I had been wondering the significance of the scene ("Is there a deeper meaning?") It seems no matter what we do, she can apply it to an experience and some tidbit of knowledge she picked up in the moment.
I do become irritated by my grandma sometimes, yes. But never to the point where I hold her accountable for my feelings. I recognize that our greatest clash comes in her methodical approach of wanting things done in a way that she KNOWS works well and efficiently. Whereas I understand her angle and am eager to follow her guidelines to get the task done (and done well, might I add!) but I'm more comfortable in procrastinating (sometimes until I'm under stress because of a deadline). I work better under stress whereas my grandma only becomes frustrated and ill under stress.
ISTJs take on so many duties that I understand why they would want things done quickly and efficiently as this means they wouldn't ever have to go back and try again.
I'll be honest, from my experience, ISTJs are admirable as heck. They may come off as if they think they're right because of a confident tone to their speech... but often they ARE right because they practice what they know as fact. Sorry.
Also, might interest you: my grandma often talks about how it is so common for people to think that she is coming to them and wanting them to do things her way but in reality she is only offering a grocery list so to speak of options. "This is what has worked for me and it has worked well. Do what you want." But again, from my experience, you better to take an ISTJs advice. Hehe.
Good luck! I suggest you read blurbs on the web about ISTJ parenting. I imagine your mom means quite well.
Calling me out on being spoilt lol? You don't know me so you're not really in a position to jump to that conclusion. I don't really see how my post makes me look spoilt. Tbh it's me saying that I'd like my mum to be more positive and to be able to compromise, which I would be willing to do. My mum gets her own way a hell of a lot more than me, and throws tantrums when no one does what she demands. I would say that is spoilt.
I would love to get on with my mum better. But I resent that its either her way or the highway. If she doesn't care enough to change anything about the situation why should I? I hadn't noticed mums getting a bad rep!