OMG, I just cannot get on with my ISTJ mum! | INFJ Forum

OMG, I just cannot get on with my ISTJ mum!

Altruistic Muse

Altruistic Muse

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Apr 6, 2009
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Ok, so I know ISTJ threads have been written before but I'm feeling lazy and needed to rant. I am generally not someone who dislikes people. At the same time I'm not saying I dislike my mum, I know she is a good person, that's not in dispute. But the way that she does things drives me MAD! Ever since I started hypnotism/self-hypnosis, I've had a very positive outlook on life and since then I have started to try to avoid her basically. Because if there is anything I get excited about and look forward to (which is most things), she will have a reason for it being a bad idea, or costing too much money, or being impractical. In her own life, everything is a "disaster". Her and my dad have minor set backs like a cheap leak in the roof and the whole world falls apart. My boyfriend's flat has had a massive flood worth almost
 
Yeah I hear you, my dad is an ISTJ. I recognise this so much. I often experience the same kind of situations until the extent I just stop talking to him, because I couldn't possibly know what to say that doesn't sound awfully wrong to him, making me upset in turn. It's not about disliking, it's just about functioning in totally different ways, which makes understanding each other well.. almost impossible.

Sometimes it's good to get it off your chest. That's what we're here for :m114:
 
Ahhhhhhhh... ISTJs!!! Basically the only type of person I really, really get frustrated with. Urrrgh. I can deal with everybody elses flaws but there is something about an ISTJ that just provokes me and makes time spent with them very tiring because I'm constantly trying to keep my mouth shut and avoid unwanted senarios.
 
Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and it annoys the pig.
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(Robert Heinlein)

That's the way I think about communicating with my mother. Not nice of me maybe, but I think in such situations, the best thing to do is minimise all contact and get on with enjoying your life.
 
I have never met an ISTJ, only ISTP. I suppose the best thing you can do to stop you both getting agitated is to stay out of eachother's way and give eachother space. I'm not saying ignore her! But if you just use general politeness it should just relieve some tension between you.

I know this is a frustrating situation, and most of us here have had similar experiences, so i'm sure others will give you some better advice than me. Either way, we're here to make you feel better :D
 
You guys are the best :) I know Indie, i cannot think of another type I literally cannot get on with! I mean ESTPs are a bit of a struggle too but at least they're easy company. Oh well, I think it well take avoidance, but she's noticed that and gets offended. What can ya do. If you clash you clash. I should defo try be more polite, I just find it difficult when someone grates on me.
 
My husband is an ISTJ (according to me anyway.) We get along great. It sounds like your mother is a lot more negative than my husband. I get great ideas about things, and he tries to figure out how I'm going to make them work, but not in a negative way, although I do kid him, "Why are you always so negative?" And he says, "I'm just being practical." He never puts down my ideas or dramatizes things. He is just logical and rational. He is a very hard worker, and very reliable. If I ask him to do something, I know he'll do it.

I hate that I have to ask him though. Why can't he just see that something needs to be done and do it? I've gotten used to it over the years.

It takes him forever to make decisions about the simplest of things - which tie to buy for example. That makes me crazy, but I ignore it.

All in all, I wouldn't trade him.
 
I think my mom is an ST also, but I got to admit, sometimes she says the most funniest things at the right time :m146: Still, though, sometimes she does get on my nerves but I love her.
 
You forgot an "it" in your topic title
 
Sithious said:
You forgot an "it" in your topic title
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I certainly hope not.



I don't think I've gotten to know any ISTJs. I know one girl who typed as ISTJ on the test, but I'm almost positive she is actually ISTP.
 
Nicola Jane said:
Ok, so I know ISTJ threads have been written before but I'm feeling lazy and needed to rant. I am generally not someone who dislikes people. At the same time I'm not saying I dislike my mum, I know she is a good person, that's not in dispute. But the way that she does things drives me MAD! Ever since I started hypnotism/self-hypnosis, I've had a very positive outlook on life and since then I have started to try to avoid her basically. Because if there is anything I get excited about and look forward to (which is most things), she will have a reason for it being a bad idea, or costing too much money, or being impractical. In her own life, everything is a "disaster". Her and my dad have minor set backs like a cheap leak in the roof and the whole world falls apart. My boyfriend's flat has had a massive flood worth almost
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uberrogo said:
You sound like a spoiled brat.
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You sound like an ass. Knock it off.

For some us dealing with our parents is rather frustrating sometimes especially when we have a clash of type.

I know from experience having an ESFJ mom and a ISXX father. So ya some us have to deal with conflict do to differences.
 
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My mom is istj and she drives me insane as well. I love her but I don't "like" her all too much. I feel bad for this, but I can't help but be aggrivated by nearly everything she does.

Offenses:

1. love stares---creeeepy
2. Scolding about little things like split juice or burnt popcorn
3. Everything must be done NOW.


uberrogo is an istj. Of course he takes the mother's perspective, and I can't entirely hold that against him. Ranting doesn't make you spoiled. Poor choice of words.
 
You are 23? I'm much younger...and I was sincerely hoping it would get better o_O
 
Oh Rogo, they don't know you like I do...

ISTJs amuse the hell out of me. Now. One of my best friends is ISTJ and I believe my mother types ISTJ, too. I am sure my mom is an ISTJ because she says things to me like this: "I just cannot stand those people who don't understand common social rules." Then she gets outraged and swears as she swerves around a spandex clad woman on a bike whilst yelling out the window, "Move your fat ass!"

Personally, I think it's hilarious. Then again, I don't have to live with her anymore. As a kid, she did everything in her power to lovingly crush my sentimental whimsical worldview. Wasn't good times being an angsty teenager morbidly depressed because I knew at 18 she was going to throw me to the wolves of beauracracy and bills and soul-killing labor, and she mocked me for it.

I feel your pain. At the same time, she's the only person in my life who I have absolutely no doubt will be there no matter what I do. Fiercely loyal, just like my ISTJ friend, I've noticed.

And another thing I love is that when I'm in my wild flights and fits of fancy, they knock me down hard to reality and challenge me to implement my idealistic rants and complaints into action. They are like loyal sarcastic drill seargants.
 
alt ctrl del said:
At the same time, she's the only person in my life who I have absolutely no doubt will be there no matter what I do. Fiercely loyal, just like my ISTJ friend, I've noticed.

And another thing I love is that when I'm in my wild flights and fits of fancy, they knock me down hard to reality and challenge me to implement my idealistic rants and complaints into action. They are like loyal sarcastic drill seargants.
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This is definitely all true. Sometimes, when you REALLY need someone around just to pull you back down to reality these are exactly the people that you need. It's just all the rest of the time that the negativity is hard going! I really admire their loyalty too.

Thanks rogo :p. I'm definitely not spoilt. I'm allowed to find someone difficult to deal with. I should think if you knew me you'd probs find me difficult just like my mum does, so it's what's known as a personality clash?
 
alt ctrl del said:
Oh Rogo, they don't know you like I do...

ISTJs amuse the hell out of me. Now. One of my best friends is ISTJ and I believe my mother types ISTJ, too. I am sure my mom is an ISTJ because she says things to me like this: "I just cannot stand those people who don't understand common social rules." Then she gets outraged and swears as she swerves around a spandex clad woman on a bike whilst yelling out the window, "Move your fat ass!"

Personally, I think it's hilarious. Then again, I don't have to live with her anymore. As a kid, she did everything in her power to lovingly crush my sentimental whimsical worldview. Wasn't good times being an angsty teenager morbidly depressed because I knew at 18 she was going to throw me to the wolves of beauracracy and bills and soul-killing labor, and she mocked me for it.

I feel your pain. At the same time, she's the only person in my life who I have absolutely no doubt will be there no matter what I do. Fiercely loyal, just like my ISTJ friend, I've noticed.

And another thing I love is that when I'm in my wild flights and fits of fancy, they knock me down hard to reality and challenge me to implement my idealistic rants and complaints into action. They are like loyal sarcastic drill seargants.
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What-ev!
 
midnightmelody said:
My mom is istj and she drives me insane as well. I love her but I don't "like" her all too much. I feel bad for this, but I can't help but be aggrivated by nearly everything she does.

Offenses:

1. love stares---creeeepy
2. Scolding about little things like split juice or burnt popcorn
3. Everything must be done NOW.


uberrogo is an istj. Of course he takes the mother's perspective, and I can't entirely hold that against him. Ranting doesn't make you spoiled. Poor choice of words.
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Thanks MM :) I've been called "spoilt" and "precious" by her so much over the years that that doesn't really cut deep lol. It's just a different way of looking at things isnt it. Yes I am quite a fanciful person, but then I would say that ISTJs are quite selfish and self-assured which is something I coud never be described as. Swings and roundabouts.

It kinda doesn't get better. I moved back down after uni and I think that makes it all the more of a struggle. Because they demand respect so much, that doesn't go away as you get older, so you end up being forced into the role of a child whilst ostensibly you're obviously not. Can be hard.

And yes, everything must be done now is possibly one of the most annoying of the traits! Hows about in 5 minutes when I've finished my work? Hows about you compromise or recognise that I have a schedule as well? Very irritating.
 
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