Nepotism | INFJ Forum



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Retired Staff
Nov 12, 2008
1w2 sx/so/sp
I have an internal conflict with Nepotism. Ever since I was little, I have never morally understood it, and to this day I don't morally understand it. I have a very very hard time accepting the use of it myself. This has come up several times in my life. Where I sort of need to use nepotism to move up and on in life. It deeply bothers me when I am forced into using nepotism (and i have been forced by others against my will to use it before), because it disregards a fair process for others. I feel like I should be judged on merit and abillity alone, not by who I know or who knows me.

Does any one else have issues with nepotism? It doesn't really bother me much (in most cases), when I see others use it because I understand it is part of the system, and it has always been part of it. Yet, I can not make myself be ok with it no matter how much coaxing I get.
I find it revolting personally, but its still going to happen. So its better to get it and use it then to be left out because someone else got it over you.
No, it is hard to forge good connections yourself, and those are even worse in many cases. At the very least, they are entirely superficial and manipulative. I'm talking about the skills of "successful networking". Employers barely look at resumes anyway.
This past year proved to me that resumes are largely supplemental requirements and nothing more. I'm really good at networking, but I am terrible at using/exploiting my networks. I have to get over this upcoming school year or my goose is cooked (aka: I'll suck it up).
In the field I am going in, graphic design, our professors tell us the most important thing is to NETWORK, NETWORK, NETWORK! It is a reality.
I find resumes and college degrees to be supplemental requirements...

makes sense I suppose in some cases. If I owned a huge company I would rather take someone I know and trust with my business over someone who is just qualified but cant be trusted.
It drives me insane! Mainly because it is rife at my work place and it is affecting me negatively. There is this belief here that if an employee’s family member gets employed then they will automatically work better as they do not want to disappoint their family, sure that works for say the first few months then there is this comfortable “you can’t touch me air” especially when the one family member has more influence.

A really extreme case: is that at the moment the MD’s son is working here and he is incompetent to the extent that they had to employe someone else to pick up his slack but stay he will stay. We have to tolerate his incompetence and air of “this is his right”.
My father owns a company, and I work for him. After a year of searching for jobs, that was still the only one I could get.

I'm not comfortable with it on a moral level at all, but I don't feel like I have a choice. If you're Introverted and don't have the energy to make, maintain, and use of the right kind of friends... your options are pretty limited. If it weren't for him, I don't know that I would have been able to find a job at all.

It doesn't help that I'm not a completely self-motivated, competitive, hungry go-getter like society expects me to be. I like procedures, being told what to do, how to do it, doing my job a certain way, and getting something in return. Not all this nonsense about "being self-motivated," "being proactive," "making the right judgment calls without permission and taking responsibility for how they do," and "being dedicated to the company, making it the center of your life." It seems like they expect all that nonsense now, and I don't want a job like that.

I'm not so sure I have a good job. My salary is right around $14,000 a year, and I can't earn overtime because of the way my pay is set up. Most of the time I have very little to do. I feel useless, parasitic, immoral, and bored out of my mind. On top of it, I have to live with my father and his family in order to keep the job. Not that I have much choice, considering my salary, the location, lack of mass transit, and my inability to drive.

It's not that I'm incompetent. I can type 60 words a minute, my spelling and grammar are good, I know Microsoft Office and Windows, I can operate a copier, and I'm pretty darn good at filing. I'm pretty good at figuring out how to do something new when I'm shown how, or it's explained carefully in writing. When I'm given something to do, I go through quickly and meticulously. They just don't give me anything to do.

I strongly dislike Nepotism, but unless hiring practices change, it's probably the only way most people can get hired.
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I've been around nepotism most of my life. Indeed, it seems to be a fact of life. In the military I worked with and for the scions of powerful families. Some of these people were very competent, other's were not. Seemed to be luck of the draw ... but the common thread was that they all mostly got to where they were through connections. Hard work or ability was incidental ... although the competent ones did tend to travel higher faster.

In the civilian world, I once worked for a family-owned company ... although they hid the fact that they employed family members. I didn't find out until I'd been there over a year that I was one of the few people not related to the rest. It was an organization rife with incompetence and waste ... particularly at the top. When it finally disintegrated, the family members became estranged from each other and still don't talk to this day. Not sure if nepotism is worth that.

At my present job, if you are a certain two religions you get preferential treatement and are pretty much bullet proof. You don't need to produce any work at all but are permitted to stay and draw a paycheck. It causes a lot of animosity and ill feelings from the people who do have to earn their keep and bust their tails.

If I had my way, I wish I'd had a powerful family to grease thes skids for me. It would have made life easier. I would like to think that I would still possess the same drive and motivation I have ... but you never know. I did get my first job though my father, but it was minimum-wage loading dock ... and I quickly tired of that. Good motivation to attend college.

As for resumes ... in my profession we do give them careful consideration when hiring ... trying to match up the talents and skills to what we currently need. However, I must admit that if somebody is already connected to a person who works with us ... then they have a much greater likelihood of getting a job, given everything else fits. That's how I got my present job ... my best friend worked here at the time.

Networking is often a necessary tool, even though it is often more difficult for introverts to employ effectively.
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It's tricky. Ideally I wouldn't want it. But especially when you are young and in school looking for a job, it's hard to turn down.
Nepotism at its "best" is something more like training wheels to help get someone started or moving school/career wise. But I could never let myself rely on it for life...I feel like it would invalidate anything I could accomplish.
I only hate it when incompetent petty tyrants get promoted.
I have no problem with nepotism and would use it myself, if I am not using it already.
All else being equal, nepotism does have some reasonable advantages, though they may often be subconscious. Family members are typically known better than unrelated parties, so objective merit can either be bolstered or undermined by personal knowledge. Furthermore, family members can often be held to stricter responsibility, since they can't just quit a job and leave town without familial consequences. Family ties will often cause them to get away with more, true, but if the dynamics of authority are right, nepotism can actually create a better employee.
I have no problem with nepotism and would use it myself, if I am not using it already.

I only hate it when incompetent petty tyrants get promoted.
Together, this is how I feel. I'd love it if my parents could help me out. Right now they just give me lodgings which is pretty good. (and if my Dad would stop making my comp a never ending cycle of bluescreening that'd be nice too).
I've never used nepotism. I've also never really had to watch it happen or suffer because of it. Most of the companies I work for do not hire family members. My sister and I actually worked together at the same Tim Hortons restaurant and I was her supervisor, but they very rarely scheduled us together, so it wasn't an issue. I think people would have thought I'd give her preferential treatment, but my sister is an exceptionally hard and meticulous worker and takes her jobs seriously.

If I were to see someone get an unfair advantage because they were a family or a friend and they abused that with laziness, complacency and disrespect for others who have to work hard to earn their keep, I think it would bother me a lot.

I think if I had connections to get into something I really wanted and was passionate about I would use it. But I would never abuse it. I don't think I have it in me. I appreciate the advantages it could have should I be worthy of the position though.
The last company I worked for was a 'start-up' After it grew to about 100 people, all of the sudden, the best friends, college buddies, and spouses started moving in with titles like "VP of the Thing You Used to Do", so yeah, I got a problem with it. I've seen nepotism in academics. Didn't enjoy it much there, either, although that seemed to be based on a Eugenic philosophy.

But I think in some circumstances, such as a family owned business, it can be completely justified.

As a result, I would say that it depends on the culture. Nepotism within a meritocracy is a big bummer.

As for 'using it', my odds of that happening are quite limited.
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Where I work it's friends and nepotism at the top ranks, or at least it used to be. Not sure which came first, but thanks to needing a board of directors, and management, the family/friends members couldn't find themselves doing every job. It also looks very, very bad for a non-profit to have paid staff on the board. So most of the family and friends have migrated out to non-influential positions - like being the manager of a 1 person department.

The board still looks to them for advice and the managers all respect their input, so there's still a feel of being family run. Officially though, there are no worries.

Oh and if you think nepotism is bad, just threaten them with an Anti-Discrimination charge if you feel your job is at risk. Having VP's, Directors, managers and assistant managers all related to one another is a bad idea legally...
In its absolutely litteral sense, I'm glad that my nephew is not in my line of work, because I would unashamedly ensure that he rose through the ranks as quickly as possible. I'm too biased in his favour.

Otherwise, nepotism partly takes into account the social dynamic of any workplace/professional setting. We all want people we can work well with around us - and this isn't a consideration which is detrimental to the selection procedure. It only becomes detrimental when it becomes the most important, or, indeed, the only criteria for selection.
Before I say anything, I personally divided 'networking' with 'nepotism' based on...competence. As far as the others chosen were competent, then I'm mostly indifferent with this. (And I personally called it, yeah, networking); There's an extra judgement and consideration gained when using people you know rather than you don't, after all.

Of course, most of the time it isn't really....fair, in which case, *sigh*

as far as using it.....I might --or probably will-- be glad if someone picked me based on connections, but happy? No. Because that's just like my abilities are pushed away in change of my connections, >_>; And as far as consciously using..I'm not that confident with my connections to use it.