Need opinions!

I'm no expert so I won't pretend to be.

1. Are you living together? (the comment on the broken dishes in the apartment made me think so) If so, it definitely sounds like you guys need some space from each other. If financially possible, I'd recommend switching up the living arrangements.

2. It sounds like you guys really do love each other and personally I think it would be a shame to give up on this so quickly. If you honestly think you love him, and he does you, you both should take some time and try to work through this. Having very honest discussions with each other about what you are experiencing trouble wise in the relationship and what you expect out of it would be a start. He also sounds like he could benefit from some sort of counseling or a support group. He needs someone to share and discuss things with but it also isn't fair to have it all dumped on you.

3. Maybe even a form of couples counseling or free discussion/support groups would be beneficiary?

 

Does he see the problem with the physical nature of his anger? If he does and is willing to seek some professional guidance, I would encourage it.

I think you were wise to distance yourself. Even if you are open to possibly getting back together in the future, I wouldn't suggest as much to him. He needs to find ways to fill the missing pieces of his life (good friends and counselors) on his own...not simply so that you will get back together with him. If he sorts it out? Great! You can determine whether you're both still interested in a romantic relationship.

 

Whew, while I can relate to the satisfying feeling of being loved and appreciated(I know I enjoy the way an ESTP that I am close to dotes over me), I just don't see any reason to tolerate those sorts of physically threatening outbursts at all. It looks like it is directed to you just enough to show me that their instability is just not worth it. So, in my opinion, after actions like those, to me the message would be clear to start the detachment process. I just can't stand thinking about people who are supposed to be in a close relationship with someone being physically threatening for any reason.

I would not only begin detaching myself, but I would soon be convinced that the person is not even worth forgiving......

 

Was this outburst a one time deal or does he have these violent outbursts often?

If it was once, I say forgive and forget. Everyone looses their cool everyone once in a while. Did it blow it big time? Oh yeah, but if it's just once I don't see it as any sign.

If it's reoccurring or happens even one more time, like everyone else said, time to start detaching.

Also, a relationship is a two-way street so if you're serious about giving it a shot, I think some form of mutual relationship counseling or support group should be something to consider. I highly doubt weather all of the relationship problems stem from him alone...(and I don't mean that to be offensive)

 

I don't know what to tell ya, personally I think it would be worth the time to at least considering working through this, but it's your life and only you know what's best!

 

You need to figure out what to do, by yourself.

But here's what I do when I have situations like this.

I asses the situation. I figure out what the source of the problem is- If I can't find the source of the problem, then I have to sort that out first before I move on. It may take a while. You may not even know the real source of the problems until much later when you are able to completely analyze from a fairly objective point of view. When I am under large quantities of stress I tend to become incapable of making rational decisions unless I take a few steps back and figure things out.

Most of the time I have found that if I end a friendship with someone, the friendship is over. I will have occasional thoughts 'Hmm, maybe I should talk to he/she again, they were fun' but I soon figure out that the same problems occur if I resume a friendship and have not resolved the previous issues.

Most of the time, issues with people is due to incompatibility rather than deliberate misconduct on both sides. Sure, if two people want to have a successful relationship they must work at it, but if the scenario is spinning out of your hands to the point where you have broken it off, something is wrong that couldn't be resolved. And this is your judgement; why would you break something off unless you thought it needed to be that way?

Wait and think about it. I think you will find your answer.

 

physical violence? you're considering staying with him?

well i've made my opinion of that type of woman abundantly clear.

 

If he's actually getting help and acknowledging there's a problem in his life then I say stay broken up with him (you had reasons to, nothing has objectively changed between then and now that would make things immediately better) but stick around to see how it works out. If he actually starts improving things then you can reassess.

 

I agree with Eniko. Stand back and see what happens. See how himself as a person changes, if at all. If things move positively, then look into it.

 

I'm an ass regardless. However you're being overly defensive.

Are you sure you're not just in denial because you like him?

 

IF, is this the same person you mentioned a few months ago, that had more than a few little problems? The sexual deviancy thing? If so, well...I'm not so sure you should stick with him. I think you want to stay with him because he's comfortable (and maybe it's a little co-dependent?), but you know what the answer is. You don't like what the answer is, but you've known the answer - even before you posted the poll you knew the answer.

My personal opinion is to take a REAL break. Meaning, don't talk or communicate with each other for at least a month. It takes 30 days to break a habit, so they say. See if it helps to take a "big picture" look at the situation.

 

Oh. Well, now I like you.