My friend abruptly... | INFJ Forum

My friend abruptly...

Lucifer

Lucifer

Registered User #666
Feb 7, 2009
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stopped talking to me.

She's an INFJ

It's been a few weeks since we had more than a one word conversation. I am getting quite offended by the whole thing, what makes it more awkward is that were roommates.

We used to be really close, talked about everything and such. We've been through a lot together. Then all of a sudden she doesn't spend any time in the room. Whats more is when I try and strike up a conversation with her she COMPLETELY ignores me.

It's rather rude *grumbles*

She says she is "really busy" and that's why she's been ignoring me. But I stopped buying into that, she talks to her other friends, she even talks to my other roommate more than me. And I mean busy sure, but it is outrageous to think that you are too busy to have a five minute conversation.

I am not asking much of her.

I've tried to bring this up with her before, but again she utterly ignores me. Like I'd ask her a question and she'd act like shes alone in the room.

How RUDE! I mean this goes beyond her INFJ spaciness this is Hurtful.

So I wrote her this letter in the hopes that I'd get some sort of indication that she still wants to be friends, that I didn't do anything wrong.

I mean Ive asked her B4 if I did anything to offend her she said no.

I have the feeling she is hiding something from me.

I am waiting for her to get back to me on the letter.

This is utterly fucking confusing.

Any insights?
 
seems like something in your life has upset her or there is something going on in hers she doesnt publicized,which she might worry you will see through if ye have a proper conversation....
have you any inklings?
 
Maybe she feels smothered.

Introverts really, really need time alone. If you have been taking that away from her, you might have been stretching and stretching her until she snapped.

Just an idea/possibility - when I'm smothered all I can do is avoid, explaining things just makes the situation worse.
 
Liv said:
seems like something in your life has upset her or there is something going on in hers she doesnt publicized,which she might worry you will see through if ye have a proper conversation....
have you any inklings?
Click to expand...

Yes actually, but I don't trust them.

That's kind of what I've been thinking might have happened.

Hmmmm
 
Flavus Aquila said:
Just an idea/possibility - when I'm smothered all I can do is avoid, explaining things just makes the situation worse.
Click to expand...

I'll try and remember to bring that up when I talk to her.

But still this is beyond rude to me.
 
You might want to remind her that you talk to and interact with INFJ's on a pretty regular basis (i.e. here).

So you are likely a bit more informed on what is really going on inside her than she thinks. And that her 'Fines' and 'Okays' aren't really convincing.
 
It does seem rude. One thing about INFJ's is that they sometimes don't perceive themselves in the same way as others see them. She may not be aware that she's being rude.
I hope she answers your letter though. I think it's pretty thoughtful of you to do that.
 
maybe your inkling is right....i know i can be very stand offish and i want whoever it is to work it out for themselves so when we do talk we dont have to beat around the bush....
 
FUCK FRIENDS! I HATE FRIENDS! WHY DO I EVEN NEED FRIENDS. THEIR ONLY ARE THERE TO HURT YOU THEN BE ALL SELF RIGHTOUS WHEN YOU POINT OUT THAT THEY'RE BEING HURTFUL.

FUCK FRIENDS I AM BECOMING A HERMIT!!

I AM NOT A BAD! :m142: PERSON

I DON'T DESERVE TO BE IGNORED!

THIS IS HURTFUL!

I CAN'T BARE ANYMORE REJECTION IN MY LIFE I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF IT!

I AM GOING TO LIVE IN A CAVE ON A MOUNTAIN WITH ALL THE OTHER HERMITS!

FUCK!

:m051:
 
I just needed to get that all out. :m037:

See Nts have feelings.
 
If its been going on for a while then she must have some problem talking to you. Hard to say what that could be though.
 
Lucifer said:
FUCK FRIENDS! I HATE FRIENDS! WHY DO I EVEN NEED FRIENDS. THEIR ONLY ARE THERE TO HURT YOU THEN BE ALL SELF RIGHTOUS WHEN YOU POINT OUT THAT THEY'RE BEING HURTFUL.

FUCK FRIENDS I AM BECOMING A HERMIT!!

I AM NOT A BAD! :m142: PERSON

I DON'T DESERVE TO BE IGNORED!

THIS IS HURTFUL!

I CAN'T BARE ANYMORE REJECTION IN MY LIFE I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF IT!

I AM GOING TO LIVE IN A CAVE ON A MOUNTAIN WITH ALL THE OTHER HERMITS!

FUCK!

:m051:
Click to expand...

Welcome to my world.


edit. I'm trying to get over it though.
 
I hate to say this, but I know this reaction well, and I preform it sometimes too.

Out of nowhere, I will get sick of someone, and not want to be around them, for sort of an unknown reason. I never truly liked them to begin with, I just sort of forced it. It is very hard to explain. Nevertheless, I eventually get to this point with them, and do just as you described.
 
I'd say leave her alone. If you want to reconnect, do it through indirect means, like through notes or little things like that. Let her know you're there for her and you'll let her do her own thing until she wants to come around.

Persistence helps. Yeah, it's rude of her (i understand why you're frustrated! Gosh...) but understanding persistence helps.
 
gloomy-optimist said:
I'd say leave her alone. If you want to reconnect, do it through indirect means, like through notes or little things like that. Let her know you're there for her and you'll let her do her own thing until she wants to come around.

Persistence helps. Yeah, it's rude of her (i understand why you're frustrated! Gosh...) but understanding persistence helps.
Click to expand...

Ya think it might be the whole introvert vs extrovert tingy?
 
gloomy-optimist said:
I'd say leave her alone. If you want to reconnect, do it through indirect means, like through notes or little things like that. Let her know you're there for her and you'll let her do her own thing until she wants to come around.

Persistence helps. Yeah, it's rude of her (i understand why you're frustrated! Gosh...) but understanding persistence helps.
Click to expand...

Hmmm that might be an idea

But I want her to admit she was being rude or else it will feel like I am bending over for her.

Thank you!
 
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