Mom Drags Kid Through Store By Harness | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

Mom Drags Kid Through Store By Harness

With so little information I find it hard to actually come to a conclusion on this story.

From what I gather, either the mom just got fed up and snapped when her kid wasn't listening and decided (probably wrongfully) to just drag them if they weren't going to walk

or

The mother looses her temper a lot and doesn't know how to deal with her kid/possible child abuse at home.

I think more needs to be investigated on the home front (to rule out abuse) and more information needs to be released. From what I gather the child wasn't actually physically harmed and if this is a one time deal, it's a gross over-reaction. It kinda reminds me of the story of the guy who acidentally bought his kid a Mike's Hard Lemonade at a baseball game and social services took his child away from him.
 
minority funk said:
With so little information I find it hard to actually come to a conclusion on this story.
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Bingo. The video quality is also somewhat poor, so it's hard to make out details (like if the child looks like it is in pain or the mother looks angry; don't mean to say the video quality is your fault or anything TLM).

Having said that, she did seem to be going at quite a pace through the store. Even if she couldn't afford a stroller, don't malls have things like that to offer for public use?

I also think the media is putting their spin on it as well; the story seems to be selling itself.

If the kid does get taken away I hope it gets put into a good foster home. The foster care system has plenty of it's own problems, and probably isn't an ideal environment for the child to grow up in. But if the kind of behavior that we see in the video is commonplace in their household, maybe the child needs to get out.
 
I think a big question to ask is: if she is willing to do that in public, what is she unwilling to do in public? Typically, I think parents' punishments aren't as severe when done in public. What is that mom doing to discipline her child at her house?
 
Quite8the8Bell said:
I think a big question to ask is: if she is willing to do that in public, what is she unwilling to do in public? Typically, I think parents' punishments aren't as severe when done in public. What is that mom doing to discipline her child at her house?
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Do you think the mother's behavior is sufficient cause for monitoring her parenting (if the kid gets to stay with her)?

Also... where is dad (if he is still around in the whole equation)? Is she a single parent?
 
Azure_Knight said:
Do you think the mother's behavior is sufficient cause for monitoring her parenting (if the kid gets to stay with her)?

Also... where is dad (if he is still around in the whole equation)? Is she a single parent?
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Umm why are you asking me? What, you think I know the details? How am I supposed to know about the dad? *confused*
 
I have an autoimmune disease similar to lupus and I can tell you the physical effort it would take struggling against him would be as bad as carrying him. There is something else behind this.
 
I want a turn.
 
My kids ass would be tanned on the end of my belt long before I had to put a harness on him/her. How dehumanizing, i mean really... like a dog.
 
Harnesses are nothing new, though. I saw them twenty years ago. I still think harnesses treat children more like pets than humans, though - so I'm against them for that reason alone. I think it's more human to put a child in a stroller and buckle them in it.

As for the dragging, there has to be another solution. But then, I'm not the mother of this child...and I've seen Nanny 911 enough to know that all children aren't perfect. :p
 
Is a harness dehumanizing if the kid prefers it to sitting in a stroller or holding hands?
 
TheLastMohican said:
Is a harness dehumanizing if the kid prefers it to sitting in a stroller or holding hands?
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That's a good question. If the child likes pretending that s/he is a puppy and wants to pretend it (if they're old enough) that's one thing. But people tend to use harnesses for toddlers who aren't old enough to pretend.

But then, I'm not a mother and I've never been one. I personally think it's dehumanizing, so first I'd exhaust all other methods first. And I'd actually talk to the child about his/her actions (and follow through with punishments) *before* taking them to the store. If we don't follow through on our actions before we leave the store (if we're not consistent) then we'll have rowdier kids in the store. I knew what to expect if I acted out, and it was the same whether we were in the store or at home. And Mom didn't use a harness. She'd never embarrass me in public, but I knew what would happen later.

She always followed through, but she rarely spanked me. I can't remember a time that she spanked me, actually. Dad spanked, though.
 
arbygil said:
If the child likes pretending that s/he is a puppy and wants to pretend it (if they're old enough) that's one thing. But people tend to use harnesses for toddlers who aren't old enough to pretend.
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I don't mean it in a pretending context, just one of convenience. The toddler might not know that harnesses remind people of pet leashes, but se might just like to be able to roam a few feet away from the parent, or go at shis own pace if there are things to pause and look at. The desire to explore is a healthy one, and a sign of security (less secure toddlers will tend to cling to the parent and be fearful of distance). In those cases the harness is just a safety measure, and I don't see why the situation is necessarily better without it.
 
TheLastMohican said:
I don't mean it in a pretending context, just one of convenience. The toddler might not know that harnesses remind people of pet leashes, but se might just like to be able to roam a few feet away from the parent, or go at shis own pace if there are things to pause and look at. The desire to explore is a healthy one, and a sign of security (less secure toddlers will tend to cling to the parent and be fearful of distance). In those cases the harness is just a safety measure, and I don't see why the situation is necessarily better without it.
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I 100% say it would be me. I wouldn't feel comfortable putting my child in a harness. Not at all. As for exploration, I'd probably want to create boundaries by telling him/her that these are things you can touch and explore, and these are things you can't. And I would hand them to him/her if we were in a place that didn't grant freedom to roam.

Exploration is healthy, but I'd be cautious. I'd want to control when and where. Plus, giving them absolute freedom in a grocery store will mean a lot of me bending down and picking things up and putting them back on shelves. :p

I wouldn't use a harness. But that's due to my own personal bias and my distaste for them.
 
I do think the woman needs help and hopefully now she'll get some. It seems the woman was at the end of her rope.
 
My mom put a leash on me when I was four, when we went to Disney Land. I loved it and would go around barking at random people.

The kid looked fine in the video. I bet he was having fun sliding around.
 
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Dragging the kid around is definitely a problem.

But somehow using a harness is demeaning? Oh give me a friggin' break. After my daughter first really started walking, we bought her a monkey backpack harness like this and she loved it. She didn't have to hold mommy or daddy's hand and she could hop around and do stuff and not be restrained to a seat. She could easily walk with us while I could also accomplish the things I needed to get done.


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I remember the first time we used it we were in a large supermarket and she was laughing so hard and having so much fun. Strangers actually commented on how happy she was and asked me where I had bought it. She literally laughed all the way through that store. At that time she was around 16 months old and anyone who has ever had children know that when they're that young, they're not going to listen to everything you say the first time you say it or even the 2nd or 3rd time. "Setting boundaries" doesn't happen magically overnight and requires consistency. We used the harness maybe 3 times and the point was to ease her (and us) into this new found freedom and not drive me up a wall in the process, or put me in a panic because we were surrounded by strangers. Now, she's 4 and extremely well behaved, and I generally only have to say something once.

If the child in the video is 3 or 4, I feel that child should know how to listen and if he didn't, he wouldn't go places with me...and kids hate that! But enough about the harness being demeaning, like anything else, they have a proper use, but can also be misused.
 
Like I said, I'm not a Mom so I can't say what's what. I'm just saying that for me, I don't like 'em. But if the child's old enough to enjoy it and pretend, then that's another story.
 
My older two didn't need one but my youngest daughter was very active shall we say and was one of those kids who disappears in the blink of an eye. I got a harness and she loved it too! I needed something for her but the wrist ones felt like handcuffs.
 
arbygil said:
I 100% say it would be me. I wouldn't feel comfortable putting my child in a harness. Not at all. As for exploration, I'd probably want to create boundaries by telling him/her that these are things you can touch and explore, and these are things you can't. And I would hand them to him/her if we were in a place that didn't grant freedom to roam.
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Okay. Actually I would not use one either except for special cases, just because of personal preference (not related to an opinion on dehumanization, though). I just disapprove of the the opinion that only bad parents use harnesses (which I appears surprisingly uncommon on this forum, compared to other discussions I have seen).
 
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