Mom Drags Kid Through Store By Harness

[Black Swan]

It's easy to say, "Oh, I'd do this..." or "I'd never do that" when you don't actually have kids. I'm trying to figure out why a child acting like a dog in public is acceptable, but seeing a child in a harness is less so? To me, that seems backwards.

I'm offended that some people think harnesses automatically equate to bad parenting. That's ridiculous. It's just another tool to make it easier when you're trying to multi-task. Let's start taking away the toys and snacks to keep them from being bored and lets see how many neurotic moms and dads you see walking around.

 

[arbygil]

So, if I don't have a child I can't have an opinion about it? I know I can't say for sure what I'd do, but right now I don't like them. That's just my opinion. Am I going to judge mothers for using them? No. But I don't like them. That's how I feel. If I had a chld my opinion might change - as I said before, if they *like* it that's another story.

I really don't see what the issue is. I don't have to like it, really.

 

[Black Swan]

So, if I don't have a child I can't have an opinion about it? I know I can't say for sure what I'd do, but right now I don't like them. That's just my opinion. Am I going to judge mothers for using them? No. But I don't like them. That's how I feel. If I had a chld my opinion might change - as I said before, if they *like* it that's another story.

I really don't see what the issue is. I don't have to like it, really.

Arbygil, you're entitled to your opinion, that's fine. And you're totally right, you don't have to like it and it makes no difference to me. But when you make statements like these, you're kind of drawing a line in the sand.

If the child likes pretending that s/he is a puppy and wants to pretend it (if they're old enough) that's one thing. But people tend to use harnesses for toddlers who aren't old enough to pretend.
But then, I'm not a mother and I've never been one. I personally think it's dehumanizing, so first I'd exhaust all other methods first.

It's one thing not to like it or prefer it and something totally different to call it "dehumanizing". I used a harness with my daughter who wasn't old enough to pretend... and that makes me what exactly? A bad parent? Lacking in parenting skills? I "dehumanized" her? Sorry, it doesn't mean any of that, and you are being judgmental.

I do appreciate a variety opinions, it's what makes the world interesting. But when you start making comments on other people's parenting styles and what you do and don't like about it, and you're not even actually a parent... I'm sorry, but that irks the hell out of me. That doesn't mean you can't have valid points in your opinion, but for me, I'm going to place greater value on opinions coming from those who have actual experience with the topic at hand.

 

[arbygil]

And I'm not saying you don't have a right to your opinions either - but hear me out, okay? All of this is how *I* feel. I'm only talking about myself. I can't do it because of my own biases, but if another mother does it and the child's fine with it, then it's no longer the same comparison - it's not up to me and my opinions. They can butt out. But I can't make it any clearer: I was not trying to personally attack you, and if you felt that way I really am sorry for hurting you.

All was saying is, I believe it depends on the child and the circumstance. If you read and understood what I wrote before, that if my child loved it and enjoyed it, then that would also be a different story. I'm *not* saying a harness is bad in all circumstances. It's shocking at first, because it's not something I expect to see on a child. But if the situation calls for one for my child, then I could change my mind. But (hear me now) I *personally* have issues with it at this point in my life. Doesn't mean my mind can't be changed later. But right now *I* wouldn't do it. If another mother wanted to do it, I might ask her about it to get her opinion, but I'm not going to call her a bad mother for using one. My *own* bias right now is to say, "I'm treating my child like a pet." And that's what my bias would be for *my* own child (if I had one). I'm not placing those same judgments on another mother.

But you know, after a point it really doesn't shouldn't matter what I think. This should be an "agree to disagree" thing. No, I won't completely understand because I'm not a Mom and I have to wait to cross that bridge myself (if it happens).

*Sigh.* What frustrates me more is the argument. Or discussion, or what have you. I've had or viewed discussions with mothers who gaped at me when I said if I had a child I'd consider spanking them under certain conditions. They ranted and raved at me while another side cheered...but really? Why would my opinion matter to them? I'm a hypothetical case. Dismiss me and my opinion, because I don't have a child. 'Nuff said.

Anyway...

I apologize for upsetting you, because that wasn't my intent at all. You seem like you're a wonderful mother and I already can tell that you really care about your children.

And that's all.

 

[alcyone]

Arby, You may not have children, but I think you'd make a great mother too.

Unlike most people becoming parents, you think about the future, and what you would do about a situation. Most people avoid thinking about the little stuff like that.

Personally, we only used a wrist strap when we were moving from Okinawa back to the States. We had two walking children, an infant in a car seat and all the accompanying 'stuff' necessary for such a trip as well as 10 days or so of clothing (as it would be at least a month before the 'fast' household goods shipment got to us. Can you imagine how much stuff that was to get through US Customs in LA? *shudder at the memories*. But considering the situation, we both felt that safety and control was more important than appearances and the comfort level of the kids (Our son Alex HATED the straps)

 

[Arg]

I'm sure the little cretin will be fine, if he had felt distressed he would have pitched a fit. This inane "dehumanization" debate is entertaining though. If something this mild is a major point of contention then we are indeed raising a generation of pansies. His mom slid him across a smooth waxed floor...if she had branded him with a cigarette lighter then you would have legitimate grievance.

 

[Quinlan]

I totally understand the use of "leashes" especially around busy roads etc.