Men: how would you describe being a "modern" man today?
How do you think age, culture, beliefs, norms, etc. factor in?
How do you think age, culture, beliefs, norms, etc. factor in?
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great thread as usual Anita
some men feel that the pressures of their masculinity are overwhelming. i think that sometimes there is an expectation of denial or suppression of emotion, or occasionally a stereotyping of men as typically dominant, aggressive, abuser. and some menfind it difficult to negotiate these things in their social projection of self.
As an ideal?
I was hoping to get a sense of the way women today would describe what it means to be a woman, from a personal perspective since each person will probably have different or unique perspectives, rather than assuming that we all think, feel, or understand things the same simply because we are women.
Assuming you want the same for here as there...
F#@$ing confusing by double standards and various expectations that can change by location to who in the group of people... I'm too forward... too laid back... make up you mind!
Probly 'cause I'm still young... but I find the world almost stifling in how much it almost demonizes much of manhood.
Not likely an answer you're going to get from most INFJs...but probably just because I have the detached/calm/emotionless part of it down pretty naturally, so I don't feel forced into those stereotypes at all. I think I can make my case for it, though.
Skim through the TV and look at any male figures in most shows. At least a few years back (I haven't watched much tv, besides anime, in a long while), if it was a family sitcom it was almost guaranteed that the dad was some sort of bumbling screw-up, while his wife held everything together. The Homer Simpsons, Peter Griffins, Tim Taylors, and Ray... Ray... damnit, I can't remember his last name, but the guy from Everybody Loves Raymond, fill the airwaves with bumbling incompetence and virtually always have to apologize to their wives (who never seem to make any mistakes) constantly. I know there are a few other shows like this too, but I can't remember their names anymore. It was extraordinarily annoying, though.
Parents and schools also seemed extremely anti-aggression. My elementary school adminstration seemed to pour all their attention into trying to make school a nice/"safe from bullies" atmosphere--not that they were great at it, of course, but that was kind of their stated goal. We were also told pretty much always (by faculty and parents) that violence was never a proper answer. Sports are also looked at as a kind of stereotypically "dumb" thing to do. Even though professional athletes make more money than almost every other profession, it's kind of engrained into our minds (an an episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air comes to mind) that people should only use their athletic ability to help pay for college, where they can get their education and therefore have something that's actually "valuable"--because physical shape or skills just aren't worth anything for whatever reason. Similarly, a lot of the "typically immature/dumb" things that people do for fun get attached as stereotypes for men, even when there's nothing particularly masculine about it. At least, it's always seemed like that to me. A good example of this would be binge drinking, which sticks out in my mind as a general frat-guy stereotype, although I can't figure out why. From what I've seen, I'm pretty sure both sexes enjoy a good drunken outing in roughly equal proportions.
If I were to be honest.... I think this traces back to the days where women virtually always stayed at home and raised the kids, in centuries past. Without the balance, kids were taught feminine values, which they then taught to their kids, etc. The reason I started this post with "might just be because I'm young" is because my parents held onto treating me like a child faaaar past my time, and as a general rule men don't like being confined. So some of the (probably pretty clear by this point, if you're still reading) resentment I have over this is because my desire for adventure and some danger has largely been squished under the "gotta keep him safe, because that's a parents' duty" sentiment--and I do think that restless/adventurous spirit is a typically male thing to have. So keeping a child safe by denying them choices stifles young men in two ways.
So coming from a youngish male who grew up in a safety-first home in a country that seems to idolize dealing with things in a feminine way, I would describe being a modern man as: highly frustrating.
also: I don't think we've talked much, but this is a really nice thread. I'm pretty amazed with all the unique discussion topics I've seen you bring up in all my time here.
I've always felt like I belonged to an older age.
I could have been a desert dweller, a seafarer, a pioneer, a sailor.
I want to explore, I want to live a life in harmony with nature. I want to have a happy, strong, loving, family. I'm old fashioned in this modern age.
Seems hard to find people with deeply felt ideals.
Nearly everyone sold out.
I'm stuck here with all these crazy zombie people.
We are surrounded by madness. It dominates our lives.
Modern man is a ridiculous predicament.
We are all horribly frustrated.
Powers beyond our control impact us in such a profound way.
I wish I could have control of it all.
Confusing and powerful. Stereotypically men hold the "power", and god knows we still do. Economics, politics, business; it's mostly men. We get the good end of the stick when it comes to things like wages and what not, but at the same time "manhood" doesn't come without its challenges. I think the youngest boys are going to be facing the most challenges. We're finally starting to reach an age where men are free to express feelings and other human things, but at the same time many role models for young boys do not. They get movies, shows, and games where violence is the key. The good guy will beat the shit out of you, he won't hug you do death.
Who are these boys supposed to look up to? The overly sappy and dramatized men in comedy-dramas, or the bull-headed-guns-blazing action heroes? As boys are still being told that feelings are a weakness, they are also told that things like sports and natural aggression are evil. Men still have a ways to go to finish up this juggling act on what it means to be a "man" and larger a human. Women are starting to blur the lines between what was once stereotypically womanly and manly, now it's the males' turn. We have two highly contrasting ends of the spectrum, it's time to find the middle ground.
I sure hope they become obliterated in the future. Not because I want every guy to be a "nancy-boy" or every woman to be "butch", just so people can start being the way they want to be without having to feel bad or conflicted about it.It does seem to be going in that direction, doesn't it? I wonder if in the future gender roles will be completely obliterated, and society will move towards a pure meritocracy.