Male INFJ vs. Female INFJ

[Rakawi]

Yes, 88chaz88 effectively trolled and derailed this thread into a series of homosexual denials/affirmations. I don't so much blame him as the oblivions that felt compelled to respond to him.

There's hope yet we'll hear compelling substance. We have a large enough pool here to draw from.

 

[Wyst]

Maybe it's just me... but sometimes I think that female INFJs are a little more 'put together'... rather they have it together. Or they appear to at least.

I think female INFJs are a bit more guarded to when it comes to talking about what's going on inside them. Male INFJs (myself included), I think, are very quick to volunteer personal information and may even wear their heart on their sleeve.

 

[enfp can be shy]

The way the modern (western) societies treat genitals/behavior correlation is quite amusing, but in this context MBTI types are usually very different between the two sexes. Of course, that's extremely culturally dependent, and not really a fixed part of the "core" of any MBTI type.

Anyway, with the current (ridiculous) male roles in society, wonderful human types like INFJ tend to be seen as more suited for the female - "proof" of this is that there are probably about double, if not more than double, INFJ females than males. The INFJ male is a very rare phenomenon.

So, the main difference is that INFJ males are more awkward, on the go, unstable, volatile, extreme, etc. Generally, very interesting creatures, and some of them become great names in history. (well rarity in society tends to increase "value") About half of them turn to the "macho" ESTP shadow side. Generally there are more males with ESTP behavior than females with such behavior.

Female INFJs are more comfortable with being INFJs, so they are more stable, wise, patient; actually even more rational, somehow. I'd say it is a good idea to be an INFJ female in this (wicked) world. They in many ways are the depiction of womanhood, as it is shown in romantic stories and movies.

Meanwhile, the ENFP type seems unsuited for any gender; our girls are too manly and our men are too girly. -.- Maybe that's why we are suited to recognize the whole bullshit of those social dogmas.

 

[Ecton]

Male INFJs (myself included), I think, are very quick to volunteer personal information and may even wear their heart on their sleeve.

I don't know about the other INFJ guys on this forum, but this is very true of me.

 

[laurie]

Maybe it's just me... but sometimes I think that female INFJs are a little more 'put together'... rather they have it together. Or they appear to at least.

I think female INFJs are a bit more guarded to when it comes to talking about what's going on inside them. Male INFJs (myself included), I think, are very quick to volunteer personal information and may even wear their heart on their sleeve.

I don't know about 'put together', but I do relate to the guardedness thing. Unfortunately, I don't know any INFJ males (that I'm aware of), so it's difficult to get a rounded picture ^^"

 

[Blind Bandit]

I don't know about the other INFJ guys on this forum, but this is very true of me.

Yup I think Wyst is on to something there.

 

[Rakawi]

Maybe it's just me... but sometimes I think that female INFJs are a little more 'put together'... rather they have it together. Or they appear to at least.

I think female INFJs are a bit more guarded to when it comes to talking about what's going on inside them. Male INFJs (myself included), I think, are very quick to volunteer personal information and may even wear their heart on their sleeve.

I don't know about the other INFJ guys on this forum, but this is very true of me.

I don't know about 'put together', but I do relate to the guardedness thing. Unfortunately, I don't know any INFJ males (that I'm aware of), so it's difficult to get a rounded picture ^^"

Yup I think Wyst is on to something there.

Wow, interesting. Possible Enneagram related though? Mind sharing your Enneagrams for the sake of deduction?

 

[Wyst]

4w5

 

[88chaz88]

Yes, 88chaz88 effectively trolled and derailed this thread into a series of homosexual denials/affirmations. I don't so much blame him as the oblivions that felt compelled to respond to him.

There's hope yet we'll hear compelling substance. We have a large enough pool here to draw from.

To be honest it wasn't supposed to be a troll, it's actually an observation that I made on this site. I didn't expect it to de-rail the thread so much. Sorry for that

 

[MindYourHead]

I'm a straight INFJ male.
I have always gotten along exceptionally well with women in my life.
Be they friends, lovers, coworkers, or just acquaintances.
I seem to gain a higher level of trust and respect from them than do other males.
My wife says I am far more in tune with the female psyche than any other guy she has known.
"You get us" she says.
As a child, I always had one or two close friends that were female aside from the many male friends I ran with.

I think there is a lot of social conditioning of guys to be a certain way

Personally if i see something as empty or pointless then i will discard it even if it means not following the herd. For example: football.

Football is like the male lingua franca....it is the default which male conversations often fall back on when other subjects run dry.

I hate that moment when some guy asks me 'so what team do you support?' and i have to say 'i don't really follow sport'; i can almost watch the cogs turn in their little brain as they try and process this information which is conflicting with their basic programming

I'm sure the inner workings of their brain at this point run something like this: 'But he is a man', 'men like football', 'he does not like football, yet he is a man', 'how can this be?', 'there must be something wrong with him'......danger, danger......short circuit

Personally i think watching football is like watching paint dry. I have gravitated towards people who don't talk about football and have interesting things to say

Wow! another guy that feels exactly as I do about football? Sports in general?
I don't understand why I have to defend myself with other guys when I tell them I really couldn't give a shit about last nights game!
Getting looked at with suspicion, the puzzled looks. Being teased as being of another sexual orientation other than Heterosexual.
"Dale's gay! He doesn't like football!"

Which quite frankly I don't see as an insult at all. I just roll my eyes.

I often will have fun with it though.

Fellow male: "Did you see the Vikings game yesterday?"
Me: "Oh, did they play?" (even though I know they did.)
That sort of thing.
I can really get some guys all riled up and seemingly angry that I don't care.

But there are times when I feel the need to feign interest.
If I am in public and just want to conduct my business and get on with things, I will just answer in vague sports generalities.

Male cashier: What did you think of the Vikings game yesterday?"
Me: "Yeah! what the hell was up with that one play?"
(Because in every game there is always at least one play to which people will say WTF?")
Male cashier: "I know! to go long in the 2nd down of the 1st
half......blah,blah,defensive end,blah,blah,coach Childress,blah,blah,....."
(Insert voice of Charlie Brown's teacher here.)

I really find doing this distasteful, since I am not being true to myself.
Being who I am.

Now, I do have an interest which is thought of as a typical male interest, and that is cars. I can talk cars all day long if given the chance. I have an old Buick Riviera I am in the process of painting this year after having rebuilt the engine last year.
I love working by myself taking something apart, fixing it, and putting it all back together again and having it run.
But I find most guys these days aren't even sure of which end of a screwdriver to hold, so that often isn't a topic I can use for conversation.

 

[Rakawi]

To be honest it wasn't supposed to be a troll, it's actually an observation that I made on this site. I didn't expect it to de-rail the thread so much. Sorry for that

I didn't expect you to net so many replies either.

But I wonder if the forum sampling does or does not represent the sexual orientation of male INFJs out and about in the world.

 

[Ecton]

I think many of us intended to respond anyway, and we included the issue, because what Chaz did is something we see ALL OF THE TIME. So we wanted to address it in a forum.

My Enneagram is 4w3 on a good day.

The football thing is pretty funny. I'll watch a game and I can enjoy it. My dad is into the organized TV sports. Its even more fun to go to a live game. I played sports in highschool, but gave them up by senior year.

But in general, if the world were full of mes, people wouldn't be making much money hitting each other while throwing a ball around. I've done the "there was a Superbowl?... no wonder the park was so empty!" response. But I try to keep it low key most of the time.

I bet you we could find more INFJ men who like sports, though. When you find an INFJ who is playing sports, I wonder if they really like the teamwork, the flow of the game, and the art of beating the other players fair and square through pure willpower and skill.

Are there any INFJ men here who don't care much about philosophy or the nature of reality or the meaning of life? I know a lot of guys at work and in my community who's thought process about the meaning of life goes something like this...

"eh". Sometimes on a really deep day they will talk about "The Matrix."

That's not me. I spend a lot of time 'connecting' with the intangible. But maybe there are some INFJ guys here who don't think its worth thinking about, or investing much effort in? I know my INTJ wife thinks it is a waste of time to think about.

What about the need to connect with the world around you? Not just people, but nature or the environment? That's also important for me. I miss taking walks in the evening. Here in the San Francisco area, walking around anywhere in the evening is generally just cold and dark. I miss summer evening walks back east, where the sunlight is glowing, the heat is slowly radiating away, and the cicadas are calling.

 

[ronnie]

hetero/homo balance

A lot of true words spoken in this thread. I am a straight INFJ male, but a good friend of mine that came out several years ago really helped clarify something for me. He said that there he really believes there is no 'bright line' that divides hetero/homo tendencies, and that like most other things, we all lie somewhere along a spectrum. I know people that are 99% hetero, and others that are 99% homo, but most of the rest of us are somewhere in that huge gray area in between. I guess I'd put myself at about 78% hetero and 22% homo....

 

[Wyst]

A lot of true words spoken in this thread. I am a straight INFJ male, but a good friend of mine that came out several years ago really helped clarify something for me. He said that there he really believes there is no 'bright line' that divides hetero/homo tendencies, and that like most other things, we all lie somewhere along a spectrum. I know people that are 99% hetero, and others that are 99% homo, but most of the rest of us are somewhere in that huge gray area in between. I guess I'd put myself at about 78% hetero and 22% homo....

Lol - an interesting choice for your first post.

 

[Ecton]

hehehe. Yah. None-the-less he has a good point. I remember one time I snooped around my father's closet and found the results of some psych test he had to take for a job. It had his Kinsey scale score on it. I had never heard about this idea before, so I talked to him about it and we connected at that point. (My dad is an all around great guy.)

 

[Blind Bandit]

Lol - an interesting choice for your first post.

It was a great and true first post.

Most people are just too ashamed to admit that sexuality is not hard line but a contentious scale. The Greeks understood this.

 

[Wyst]

Hmm - definitely an interesting perspective.