Long distance relationships | INFJ Forum

Long distance relationships

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Lurker, Jun 29, 2008.

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  1. Been there, done that, was well worth it

    21.4%
  2. Done it, megga fail

    28.6%
  3. Would willingly try to make one work

    31.0%
  4. Never! They're doomed

    19.0%
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  1. Lurker

    Lurker Has nothing to destroy
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    Can they work?

    Is a relationship doomed without regular physical contact?

    What makes them fail or succeed?
     
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  2. Motor Jax

    Motor Jax randomness included
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    commitment at its highest test
     
  3. Kwistalline

    Kwistalline Permanent Fixture

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    No experience here, but I'd be willing to try (for the right person!) :D
     
  4. Satya

    Satya C'est la vie
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    I've tried it, and it just isn't worth it.
     
  5. CokeNut

    CokeNut Community Member

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    Yes, I think long distance relationships can work. However i disagree with Jax (big surprise, lol) with his statement about commitment. I do not feel committed to him or the relationship - I feel that I am a part of something that makes me happy. So long as I am happy we will continue to be together, whether in the same city or miles apart.

    Physical contact is important, but even for me (a sensory junkie), its not a deal breaker. He can make me feel loved by saying beautiful things, or writing something from the heart, or sending a card, flowers or gift for a special occasion.

    I think overall what makes a long distance relationship doable or not is the level of each partner's understanding of the needs of the other. Jax and I are still working on this. Its a challenge as you know but for me its worth it ... as long as I am happy.
     
  6. Motor Jax

    Motor Jax randomness included
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    yea, i picked "Been there, done that, was well worth it"

    as for commitment, it is really a matter of trust... so in a way, a very trying test...
     
  7. CokeNut

    CokeNut Community Member

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  8. Quinlan

    Quinlan Right the First Time!

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    I have been in one and it worked out in the end but I have to say that it's not for everyone, it is very hard work and you have to really want the relationship to work. However if you do make it through and you are able to move forward and finally be together, the relationship will be stronger because of it, you will never take your loved one for granted after going through that.
     
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  9. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    Tried one with a fellow ENTP... Should have known that would fail.
     
  10. BallentineChen

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    The absence of a romantic relationship has been a recurrent theme in my life of 23 years. A little more than a week ago, I learned in an encounter with a lovely lady that she had also been interested in me. We knew each other since last winter. For the first time in my life, the potential for romance is palpably real, and it will be long-distance. It will be interesting.
     
  11. OP
    Lurker

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    Thanks for your insight Jax & Cokenut, your relationship sounds refreshingly healthy despite your distance.

    If you don't mind me asking, what was it that didn't work for you?

    Thanks for your perspective. Out of curiosity, what were the most difficult aspects for you? Was it mostly the lack of physical contact or misunderstandings or something else?

    Oooh, all the best and pleeeeese let me know how things go for you two ;)
     
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  12. Quinlan

    Quinlan Right the First Time!

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    Lack of physical intimacy I suppose, it is amazing how important a shared touch, look, laugh or smile can be. Waking up to an empty bed when you know your partner is doing the same. Communication breakdowns can be common, so much of what we communicate isn't through words. I could go on... to couples in a long distance relationship I would suggest finding some way (if at all possible) to be together, it was very much worth it in my case.
     
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  13. BallentineChen

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    I'll try to keep you posted. The best thing we have going for each other right now is that we both like our independence, but that has its inherent challenges as well, like trying to figure out the balance between being there and being suffocating.
     
  14. ulan_bat0r

    ulan_bat0r Regular Poster

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    Been there in the past, with mixed results. It gets very intense and the sex is great after some time apart tho...

    Going into another semi long distance this fall, when i move to UK to finish my bachelor. But luckily my gf is also moving to UK to study (in a different city), so shell be "only" 3 hours away.
     
  15. OP
    Lurker

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    *bump*

    Any n00bs have an opinion?
     
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  16. Spuddy

    Spuddy Community Member

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    Lol wish i could say something, but i have never had a girl friend, I am too silent for the likes of women it seems. too be honest I have only really kissed, one girl.
     
  17. ohmermaid

    ohmermaid Community Member

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    i think it's ignorant to decide that no long distance relationships work, when there are so many of them that have worked. i would agree that they're not for everyone, but that it isn't impossible to succeed. howeverrrrr... i personally believe the couple who are sincere and very much in love should eventually work to be physically together and settle down sometime.
     
  18. Mux

    Mux Community Member

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    I got to know a german girl at one point, via online chat and internet telephony and picture swaps, for close to a year. She eventually visited me (as part of a trip over here) and stayed with me a few days. She had become depressed and lonely while staying here in various backpackers,etc and called me about this. I said "come and stay here tomorrow if it will help you feel better" (ahead of the date we had agreed on). This was a mistake.

    At the time a very close single male friend of mine was crashing at my place for a few days with no pre-agreed departure time. He's the kind of old loyal friend that I cannot exactly ask to leave if you catch my drift. Anyway to cut a long story short I experienced him flirting with her, and her flirting with him. I also witnessed another side of her personality come into play as she seemingly attempted to play him, in order to get the two of us to have a disagreement. This nearly worked, but said friend and myself nipped it in the bud before it could escalate, without letting on to her about it. She even said to me at one point when my friend wasnt around "If he is annoying you this much I think you should have a fight" in a totally serious tone of voice.

    I later found out that she was an ISTJ if it means anything? The male friend of mine is an INFP. At one point I pretty much almost broke down with frustration at her, voicing something along the lines of "what do you want from me?" as she seemed to have launched into a foray of faultfinding about me, while maintaining an indifference about her bizzarre and IMHO illogical choices in life as if they didn't matter. We had one good moment together during a walk in the rain in a park, without my mate present. I put my arms around her for a while as the rain slowly soaked us, and we looked into the distance and talked about meaning in life,etc..That was the only good bit of the experience prettymuch. That occured before the flirting playoff slung the proverbial **** into the fan.

    I found her behaviour to be completley unacceptable, and to a lesser degree that of my male friend. He maintained that he wasnt trying to score points with her, but simply being himself...Even if he had not been there, some other sequence of events would have ensued I am sure that would have resulted in the same revelation for me about her conflict focused mentality. So no more German women for me Ever. I will try French next time. :p Actually she was a great deal less friendly and warm in person than most other German people I have met in the past. I guess we should have spent more time with videochat or something before meeting. Heres hoping that someone out there can relate to this tragic little tale...:m080:

    (I would actually appreciate some insight or feedback regarding this, if anyone can be bothered)
     
    #18 Mux, Nov 20, 2008
    Last edited: Nov 22, 2008
  19. ZenCat

    ZenCat Waving Sage

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    Been there done that. Well worth it.

    (my long distance included the Atlantic Ocean and required an Immigration and Naturalization nightmare, too)
     
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  20. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Addicted to Bagels

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    If I cared for a person enough I could probably do it. But eventually either I would have to move to be with him or he would have to move to be with me. I think I could do it. However I dont think most people can. A really good friend of mine dated a girl 3 states away. Everytime he got back from visiting her he the pain of separation would be worse. He eventually moved to where she was after he graduated. They are married now. But it was really hard on him when they were living 3 states away. I takes a lot of patience and sacrifice.
     
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