INFJ's getting older.

[Billy]

I have been noticing the last few years as I have gotten closer to being 30, that my preferences are either changing subconciously or I am changing.

My feelings have been cooling for some time. Whereas they used to be constant, bright, and vivid, always feeling, always in pain or happy but something has slowly faded to just cold precision and analyzing of an abstract nature. Mostly searching for meaning, then connections to other things, then to ultimatly the bare essential facts of the abstractions nature, whatever it is that I am picking apart.

I have noticed that I am spending much more time sitting and thinking things through rationally and logically, and though I am struggling with it now I feel it is growing and getting stronger, it actually makes me feel quite optimistic in a way because I know its probably just my Ti kicking in to shape and really trying to develop itself.

When INFJs or other NFs start getting older, do they master their emotions and then begin to apply new criteria as their brain matures?

If so, I say good, feelings never got me anywhere, in fact they were a fucking burden most of the time.

I still have feelings, but its like, they are getting more defined specifically, not that I know what they are, but what I am saying is that my mental skin must also be growing thicker because the buttons that set off my feelings are becoming more defined, not so much the feelings themselves.

I am trying to analyze my own mind and what I know about myself, but its like lately the last couple of years I have really been getting good at it and understanding myself and my nature and what I can do and cant do.

I almost feel hyper aware of myself, not just the deep convoluted abstractions of my ever swirling miasma of ideas and thoughts in my head but for my body, I can focus my mind and feel my pulse, feel my heart beating, feel the data travel from my brain to my finger tips as I tell them to move and type, feel the fibers in my lungs screaming in agony over the abuse I give them, feel the digestive enzymes, see through my skin and see the intricate harmony of bone, sinew, muscle, tendon, blood, electricity, atoms, data, and intelligence.

Working as a system all together, pumping life into this body so that I can fade into this reality via my sense and just think and taste reality and existing...

Im not even tripping, the lsd, bud, all that shit never really had a strong effect on me, even under the influence of gargantuan amounts of shit I always was able to remain "there" even through a bad trip, knowing whats happening to me, feeling the anxiety shrink wrap my brain with adrenaline and cortisol, was still there, calm, collected, analyzing. Vomit, pain is over, I feel better, still there, analyzing.

I even went so far to obliterate myself that I took 4 tabs at a whack, and when it melted the brains of my friends and they curled up into a corner crying on half the dose, i'm analyzing.

I dont know if I am too connected to the reality of this dimension, tbh, who knows this could be a dream, a terribly boring and mundane dream.

Anyway tangent over,

I think age is giving more precision in the form of a developing Thinking function, my feelings in contrast seem like they have to share the spotlight and as such are reducing and diminishing in intensity.

Has anyone else ever undergone something like this?

 

[WellNoWonder]

I still have feelings, but its like, they are getting more defined specifically, not that I know what they are, but what I am saying is that my mental skin must also be growing thicker because the buttons that set off my feelings are becoming more defined, not so much the feelings themselves.

This...

I pay a lot more attention to the triggers, and the pre-triggers.

This is moreso with the negative feelings though...

I think if I can work on pinpointing these occurrences, then I can easily pinpoint what causes my feelings of elation, and bring out these feelings more.

I think I have identified (for the most part) what sets me off...now I want to continue on the path of establishing what makes me happy, and how I can continuously be on that route.

I appreciate this phase in my life. I don't mind my 3 or 4 gray hairs because of the enlightenment that comes with it...

 

[frozen_water]

Welcome to Ti-land.

I've read that around 30 (give or take a decade or so), your tertiary function really comes into its own and starts to play a much more significant role in who you are. Not sure if it's accurate or anything, but I've definitely heard it.

 

[arbygil]

"Mastering" your emotions isn't exactly what I'd call it. You're just less likely to let things bother you. You mellow out. Emergencies are...suggestions.

 

[Ecton]

This sounds pretty normal for an INFJ who is transitioning to Ti. My experience was different, but only due to intense family pressures.

Now that you are getting all Ti'ed up, watch out for over-modeling.

It also sounds like you are finding new avenues and conduits to access Se.

Sounds like you are going to enjoy your 30s.

 

[deadred]

Billy, I think you are right on the money. It comes to the point that you realize it isn't worth wasting your passion on more or less meaningless things. You refuse to spend your power on things you cannot fix. It isn't that they can't be fixed, but you can't force others to follow your lead. You therefore learn to fix those things that you have control over (yourself) and accept that others have to fix their own problems. It becomes a kind of self-preservation. I don't see this as a negative thing, or a matter of giving in to the world, but more of a realization that if you don't take care of yourself, nobody will. Myself, I realized that anger is the most destructive emotion of all, and if I don't watch myself I will be angry all the time. This causes ulcers, headaches, high blood pressure, and poor interpersonal relationships. Way to go, man!

 

[Norton]

I have been noticing the last few years as I have gotten closer to being 30, that my preferences are either changing subconciously or I am changing...

Everyone's goal should be to become more mature and balanced. It makes life easier. This seems to be happening to you and this is good. Congratulations!

 

[testing]

I have been noticing the last few years as I have gotten closer to being 30, that my preferences are either changing subconciously or I am changing.

My feelings have been cooling for some time. Whereas they used to be constant, bright, and vivid, always feeling, always in pain or happy but something has slowly faded to just cold precision and analyzing of an abstract nature. Mostly searching for meaning, then connections to other things, then to ultimatly the bare essential facts of the abstractions nature, whatever it is that I am picking apart.

I have noticed that I am spending much more time sitting and thinking things through rationally and logically, and though I am struggling with it now I feel it is growing and getting stronger, it actually makes me feel quite optimistic in a way because I know its probably just my Ti kicking in to shape and really trying to develop itself.

When INFJs or other NFs start getting older, do they master their emotions and then begin to apply new criteria as their brain matures?

If so, I say good, feelings never got me anywhere, in fact they were a fucking burden most of the time.

I still have feelings, but its like, they are getting more defined specifically, not that I know what they are, but what I am saying is that my mental skin must also be growing thicker because the buttons that set off my feelings are becoming more defined, not so much the feelings themselves.

I am trying to analyze my own mind and what I know about myself, but its like lately the last couple of years I have really been getting good at it and understanding myself and my nature and what I can do and cant do.

I almost feel hyper aware of myself, not just the deep convoluted abstractions of my ever swirling miasma of ideas and thoughts in my head but for my body, I can focus my mind and feel my pulse, feel my heart beating, feel the data travel from my brain to my finger tips as I tell them to move and type, feel the fibers in my lungs screaming in agony over the abuse I give them, feel the digestive enzymes, see through my skin and see the intricate harmony of bone, sinew, muscle, tendon, blood, electricity, atoms, data, and intelligence.

Working as a system all together, pumping life into this body so that I can fade into this reality via my sense and just think and taste reality and existing...

Im not even tripping, the lsd, bud, all that shit never really had a strong effect on me, even under the influence of gargantuan amounts of shit I always was able to remain "there" even through a bad trip, knowing whats happening to me, feeling the anxiety shrink wrap my brain with adrenaline and cortisol, was still there, calm, collected, analyzing. Vomit, pain is over, I feel better, still there, analyzing.

I even went so far to obliterate myself that I took 4 tabs at a whack, and when it melted the brains of my friends and they curled up into a corner crying on half the dose, i'm analyzing.

I dont know if I am too connected to the reality of this dimension, tbh, who knows this could be a dream, a terribly boring and mundane dream.

Anyway tangent over,

I think age is giving more precision in the form of a developing Thinking function, my feelings in contrast seem like they have to share the spotlight and as such are reducing and diminishing in intensity.

Has anyone else ever undergone something like this?

I have never done 4 tabs at a whack, or any amount of tabs, because I think simply being myself is enough of a trip, and on occassion a bad one.

Regarding the cooling feelings, yeesss.... I think.... as you get older, you simply have to develop logic and rational skills in order to function, and at some point you must learn that not everyone in the world is your friend, and you must stop feeling their pain. (to wax Clinton-esque)

Anyway, for me, around the time I hit 25-30, I did become much more rational and logical, to the point of even being better at math and chess, and general business, and balancing my checkbook, and I supppose that is what everyone calls Ti.

However, I did just spend the last two hours bawling my eyes out over Toy Story 3, so I can tell you, the Fe never really leaves, it just goes dormant at times.

 

[Gaze]

You refuse to spend your power on things you cannot fix. It isn't that they can't be fixed, but you can't force others to follow your lead. You therefore learn to fix those things that you have control over (yourself) and accept that others have to fix their own problems. It becomes a kind of self-preservation. I don't see this as a negative thing, or a matter of giving in to the world, but more of a realization that if you don't take care of yourself, nobody will.

This^^^. I don't see this as so much a matter of maturity, but simply a matter of learning to deal with the reality in front of you.

 

[beetpoet]

with each decade i've had a little less of that "tragically and painfully unique" feeling, and realize more and more that i am just enough...sufficient for what is needed, not the best or the worst. like just giving myself an easier time. i like it.

i'm also less shy about saying what's true for me, even if it is different than the crowd. although i'm still pretty shy about that. just not as much as in earlier life.

i turn fifty this year! yikes! it's cool to see the constancy in my preferences, leading with my intuition. needing time on my own to recharge. liking a bit of predictability and structure. but i like the variations too. the strengthening of my analytical nature and just being sensory-in the moment-enjoying it even if there is no big meaning attached.

 

[thirtiesgirl]

"Mastering" your emotions isn't exactly what I'd call it. You're just less likely to let things bother you. You mellow out. Emergencies are...suggestions.

I'm in my 40s (gah! it still sounds so horrible in my head, every time I say or write it) and I'm still waiting for this to happen. Being kind of a late bloomer in comparison to most everyone else though, it'll probably happen with me in my 50s. I always seem to be 10-15 years late with these 'milestone' things.

 

[Gaze]

I'm in my 40s (gah! it still sounds so horrible in my head, every time I say or write it) and I'm still waiting for this to happen. Being kind of a late bloomer in comparison to most everyone else though, it'll probably happen with me in my 50s. I always seem to be 10-15 years late with these 'milestone' things.

In my early 30s and feel the same. I am a late bloomer and feel as if i'm always behind in some way. Some "milestones" i haven't even crossed yet.

 

[arbygil]

I'm in my 40s (gah! it still sounds so horrible in my head, every time I say or write it) and I'm still waiting for this to happen. Being kind of a late bloomer in comparison to most everyone else though, it'll probably happen with me in my 50s. I always seem to be 10-15 years late with these 'milestone' things.

It comes together eventually - it really does. But for me, I think it's perimenopausal in reverse.

 

[Broken Beggar]

This is all part and parcel of reaching that kind of age. Everyone becomes more mellow (for lack of a better word) when they start hitting their 30s.

You're not as physically capable of dealing with that sort of physical and stimulant overload for one thing, but the repetition of life also starts to creep and take hold around that time as well, from my own experience. You settle into your skin and your circumstance.

Obviously it'll affect everyone a little differently, but I've found this to generally be the case. Just wait until 40 start creeping up on you, and you decide to pull out your old music collection, abandoned clothes, and look at all your old photos... that's when it gets fun!

 

[thirtiesgirl]

It comes together eventually - it really does. But for me, I think it's perimenopausal in reverse.

Heh, yeah, with my luck, I'll probably hit menopause and suddenly feel that "I'm completely comfortable in myself" vibe... while I'm sweating in 17 degree temps.

 

[middle1]

Wow. This could explain why my reactions are completely different to similar events that occured just a few years ago. I felt like I was giving up but maybe I'm just letting go of things that serve no purpose if not negatively anymore. Pretty insightful Billy, I wish I was that aware of myself. Or maybe that's the next step?!

 

[Appoggiatura]

So, this means life gets simpler for INFJs as they get older?
*hopeful*

 

[just me]

Nearing almost twice the age of thirty, and I must say life gets easier if we make it easier. The different learning processes we go through and life experiences pull us to the side of the road at times. We also may take side roads and stay off the beaten path here and there, which may appear to hinder our goals or ambitions; but, they are worth it.

Some folk walk right on past a rock in the road, but we may stop to pick it up and look closely at it. Sometimes it may end up in our pocket to make it home on a bookshelf. Over the years we may look at it and ponder it, but many never even slowed down to look at it.

Easier? Is life so easy? Our life is what we make of it moreso than what we have. We must try to learn to adapt. I am, and I must choose what it is I am to be. The things I had to learn when younger I now know, so I seek to apply my newfound understanding.

 

[Billy]

So, this means life gets simpler for INFJs as they get older?
*hopeful*

It doesnt get simpler, it seems our tools just get sharper.

 

[deadred]

Billy, in a sense it does get simpler because we don't allow ourselves to be as distracted by bs so much. You do learn more tools to deal with things and people, and you've had more time to decide what works and what doesn't work. Since you already have the passion for self-discovery, I don't think you'll lose it. There is always something to learn that will move you further down the road as an individual.