I have snapped a few times but it is rare. I'm not a very physical pain type person.
I'm much less violent now, too. Not that I ever was...
I'm much less violent now, too. Not that I ever was...
INFJs and Violence
- Thread starter Orion
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Very slow to anger, even slower to wanting to fight. When that switch is flipped though I go for blood. I've been in fights and brawls and I have taken a few shots and given a few shots. I think it has more to do with your environment. I wouldn't fight if I didn't have to.
I'm not violent or often prone to anger especially when a problem is directed towards me. My instinct is to go into a detached analytical mode. I find hate and aggression confusing, and so it triggers my analytical side until I can make some sense of it. I tend to feel like I can eventually handle whatever is directed towards me. In the end I don't feel vulnerable.
There is one exception to this which might be related to a mothering instinct. When I see someone or a group of people hurting something much more vulnerable, like a person hurting their dog, or a group of kids picking on a kid with a disability, I know I could lose myself to make it stop. I get enraged when I see that and get this drive to just make it stop. One of the best true stories I ever heard was when someone saw two guys picking on a kid with Downs Syndrome, and so he gingerly walked over, knocked the two guys heads together really hard, and walked away.
There is one exception to this which might be related to a mothering instinct. When I see someone or a group of people hurting something much more vulnerable, like a person hurting their dog, or a group of kids picking on a kid with a disability, I know I could lose myself to make it stop. I get enraged when I see that and get this drive to just make it stop. One of the best true stories I ever heard was when someone saw two guys picking on a kid with Downs Syndrome, and so he gingerly walked over, knocked the two guys heads together really hard, and walked away.
From what I've gathered so far, it seems the female members get what I'm saying. I don't know what that says about me!
The distinction between the two is that guys interpret this thread and it's initial questions as whether or not they get into fights. Like I said, the act of fighting itself is pretty irrelevant, it's the mind set I'm interested in and the long or short term exposure to a aggressive thoughts, that don't necessarily equate to brawls. It's common for fights between guys to take place over absolutely nothing and of course there is the intoxication factor. So by that, I wouldn't be surprised if people who are completely non-violent have got into a few scrapes in their lives.
But it's all very interesting... (strokes chin)
The distinction between the two is that guys interpret this thread and it's initial questions as whether or not they get into fights. Like I said, the act of fighting itself is pretty irrelevant, it's the mind set I'm interested in and the long or short term exposure to a aggressive thoughts, that don't necessarily equate to brawls. It's common for fights between guys to take place over absolutely nothing and of course there is the intoxication factor. So by that, I wouldn't be surprised if people who are completely non-violent have got into a few scrapes in their lives.
But it's all very interesting... (strokes chin)
Allow me to go more in depth then from my previous answer. I have learned over the years since I was a kid to hold back my anger because in all honesty I am a violent and aggressive person. I figured that out when I beat a kid unconscious when I was in 1st grade and broke his teeth for hitting my friend. Ive been in fights since then and nothing good ever comes from them because when I let loose the dogs of war and the flood gates open I don't fight to win, I fight to hurt the other person as badly as I can. Anger is like NOS in my veins and its gotta go somewhere or else its poisonous.
I feel mean thoughts and anger all the time, I am good at keeping it under control along with all my other feelings, I am not sure where this stuff stems from. Maybe repressed feelings from growing up.
You see, this interesting, because that really challenges the perception of INFJs and how they apparently seek to avoid conflict and seek mutually agreeable states. Even if we do, we are willing to back it up. Maybe this is just my perception, but a lot of descriptions on INFJ types, present us as passive and devoid of conflict skills, which I find quite annoying.
Most people don't like to address these issues regardless of type, so it shouldn't really come to any surprise, condisering our scarcity, that INFJs are actually caged up monsters. And that might stem from the various social and emotional issues we inevitably face growing up.
Most people don't like to address these issues regardless of type, so it shouldn't really come to any surprise, condisering our scarcity, that INFJs are actually caged up monsters. And that might stem from the various social and emotional issues we inevitably face growing up.
One concept closely related to violence is that human drive to punish another. Every violation and punishment is interconnected like waves on the surface of a lake. We can look at an individual violation towards ourselves and work out a punishment to even the score, but that is a fragmented way of looking at reality.
It makes a great deal of sense to me when Ghandi said, "An eye for an eye would leave the whole world blind". Violence and anger are like dominoes. There is always a cause and effect relationship. To reject the premise of violence even when violated is to be the domino that didn't fall over simply because it had been acted upon.
It makes a great deal of sense to me when Ghandi said, "An eye for an eye would leave the whole world blind". Violence and anger are like dominoes. There is always a cause and effect relationship. To reject the premise of violence even when violated is to be the domino that didn't fall over simply because it had been acted upon.
I think most INFJs are pacifists because we're too concentrated on how the other person feels. I think it's a subconcious thing that we somehow feel what they do emotionally, so to physically hurt them would be like punching ourselves, and the guilt we torment ourselves with afterwards. We're constantly nagging at ourselves thinking "did they really deserve that?" and we lose sleep over something that may have hurt the other person and affect our relationship with them.
As for anger, I think we don't get angry very easily because we're too good at listening to people and always thinking behind what the person has just said to find out the real meaning as to why they said it, the problem behind that etc. Maybe we don't get angry because most of the time we know it's because anger with hurt the other person more, and they're only getting worked up because of the issues they have, not because of the debate in hand. We're too sensitive to other people's problems.
Just a thought. ^^"
As for anger, I think we don't get angry very easily because we're too good at listening to people and always thinking behind what the person has just said to find out the real meaning as to why they said it, the problem behind that etc. Maybe we don't get angry because most of the time we know it's because anger with hurt the other person more, and they're only getting worked up because of the issues they have, not because of the debate in hand. We're too sensitive to other people's problems.
Just a thought. ^^"
I agree with what you said Nausus, especially about the guilt that comes when we've hurt someone and the second guessing. That is what INFJ's are like. However, this can be distorted by anger and aggression, distorted to the point where we strongly deviate from our foundation that you have described and that's where I'm interested to learn people's experience of this.
I think we can get nasty when it comes to something we so strongly believe in that "we can fight to the death" so to speak. Because we're very idealistic people, we're very defensive about our beliefs. Although we compromise, I know that some issues people can defend with a bite, as we're that emotionally tied to the issue we get genuinly angry at the other person to not see the emotional side of the debate. I know animal welfare is usually one that sparks the agression in us. At least me, anyway. 
I know animal welfare is usually one that sparks the agression in us. At least me, anyway.
We don't wanna hear about your werewolf antics when the full moon is out!
I have tight control on my emotions and I generally know how to use them. When its time to fight I open the flood gates to my anger, and I want to breath smoke and destroy something beautiful.
I feel things very intensely, and I have a hard time controlling angry thoughts. This was a real problem when I was younger and my parents were going through a divorce. I remember I would get so angry at other kids and pick fights. I have always had a lot of self-hatred, and a lot of my violent thoughts are directed towards myself.
I rarely have any violent thoughts towards other people. I prefer to see justice served when the person is truly repentant for any wrong-doing, rather than have violence inflicted against him or her.
I rarely have any violent thoughts towards other people. I prefer to see justice served when the person is truly repentant for any wrong-doing, rather than have violence inflicted against him or her.
Here's my approach on the matter:
It's a given that every human being is aggressive by nature. It only manifests itself in different ways. When it can't be expressed in one or the other way, it will surface in different ways, as is sometimes seen in people who have mental illnesses, who develop compulsive behaviour or act very aggressive towards those they love the most. (I could name a number of examples here, but I will spare you all)
I think we INFJs tend to be more aggressive towards ourselves than towards others. For instance a depression is less more then a form of aggression towards yourself. We try not to hurt others and thereby will seldom act aggressively towards others. I also think the fact that we are 'feeling' is of very much importance. I would guess that F personality types are overall much less likely (but not always) to behave violently towards others.
I'm not a 'violent' person, but I can be aggressive (not violent) when in conflict, most of the time resulting in hurting people because of the things I say, even if I don't mean to. But most of the time I think it's aimed at myself.
It's a given that every human being is aggressive by nature. It only manifests itself in different ways. When it can't be expressed in one or the other way, it will surface in different ways, as is sometimes seen in people who have mental illnesses, who develop compulsive behaviour or act very aggressive towards those they love the most. (I could name a number of examples here, but I will spare you all)
I think we INFJs tend to be more aggressive towards ourselves than towards others. For instance a depression is less more then a form of aggression towards yourself. We try not to hurt others and thereby will seldom act aggressively towards others. I also think the fact that we are 'feeling' is of very much importance. I would guess that F personality types are overall much less likely (but not always) to behave violently towards others.
I'm not a 'violent' person, but I can be aggressive (not violent) when in conflict, most of the time resulting in hurting people because of the things I say, even if I don't mean to. But most of the time I think it's aimed at myself.
I'm changing my ways. If someone were to punch me, I'd turn my face and let them punch the other side. If someone were to do harm to me, I'll forgive them. Anger and aggression are melting pots for hate. I don't wanna be hateful any more.
Anger is just a valid a feeling as love. If you stuff it down it will erupt elsewhere in time. Just learn when to release it and you will be straight. If someone hits you, you should detach their jaw, rightfully.
hmm I have had experience with violence but only ever in defence. I do have violent thoughts but they are manifestations of my fear of what I do not control. I would never hurt anyone If I could help it. Ive learned no to read into my thoughts too much!