[INFJ] INFJs and Internet Dating Sites
- Thread starter emerysfriend
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Shaqie
The Grandmaster in Disguise
Yes I have. Most of the times the person shows himself/herself to be one thing. Then when we meet they are something completely different. That is because in words a man/woman communicates only 7%, witch in turn means that you won't get proper impression from reading someone's introduction in any internet dating site. This is at least what I think the cause is.
PP: Billy, since you are the first person I see in this forum to thumb down a comment, you get my respect.
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If you use internet dating sites only as a means of contact and move the entire thing offline right away, it can be a good tool to meet people. Use it any other way and I think you're setting yourself up for disappointment and even a con. I don't know if his post is ignorant; he did say in his experience. The problem is he used it the wrong way and communicated too long before the initial meet. That is not the way to use the sites.
IMO, its very time consuming (like Sandra said) and can be dangerous. Two of the men I met lied to me about their entire lives. I do believe they were looking for a relationship but the temptation was too great and it was too easy to lie about themselves. I'm not even talking about embellishments...just flat out lied about their jobs, who they were, and posted pics that were no where near what they looked like. I decided to google one and he had a decade long criminal record filled with stalking, and domestic violence! He seemed nice and clean cut by his pictures, he was interesting, and a very nice guy. I found a profile he had on bangme.net or something like that. Gross. I never would have known had I not decided to google him.
These are probably things people already know. I did not. I admit I was ignorant and lacked dating experience, but imo it is not for people like that; people like me.
And how are those things you would know if you had happened upon him by chance at your local poetry reading session? You cannot fault online dating for that, people lie in person too. When the dude says hes going to work, how do you know hes not going to sell drugs or to another girls house? You touched upon the big problem people have, they try to talk to people online for days or weeks before anything. I would only spend an average of 2 or 3 decent emails back and forth before I pushed for a number to bring it to the phone, my success rates were far greater doing that than trying to go slow and learn about someone over the web where I cannot read them. Again though we cannot blame these sites or online dating for those mistakes, those are mistakes people make not the website.
@Stormy1 (RE: Rep) maybe I am, but it works, what didn't work was being a pushover when I was a lot younger.
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I know, I know you're right. I'm not trying to blame the sites...I'm really just saying that the environment itself...it's not for the naive or trusting person. No one wanted it to work more than me. I loved the idea of finding someone online. But, I don't know so much anymore. My thinking now is that online environments attract sketchy types. See, your local poetry reading session won't attract liars, con men, and cheaters as much, though they might still be there, it won't actually attract them like the internet does. Those men would have never have gotten away with so many lies in 3D, in reality. I do realize I have to take half the blame. I didn't know I was supposed to make contact then log off and meet offline right away. I thought I was being smart "getting to know" them first. Lol. Those two didn't want to meet as soon as I did and I didn't see it as a red flag. Well, I did but I ignored it because I already started to develop feelings. I had feelings for people that didn't exist!
I don't find online dating sites any 'better' than my local bar; it seems like the same kind of people! Haha. At least in 3D I'm able to see critical things like body language, facial expressions, how they are in social settings, that feeling you get when you're around a creep...those things are are nonexistent online and you're left with scripted dialog no way to determine who is real.
I saw a commercial for Match where they set up group meets where you're in a room with a bunch of people match determined might hit it off. That seems interesting to me. It almost sold me.
I wonder if its different for a man? Have you found that you have run into a pattern of women or have you generally had good experiences?
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I think the experiential difference between men and women are very different on these sites. In fact, I know for a fact that it is so. I did field research of my own (don't ask I am obsessive) I made a fake account and posed as a woman and used some stock hot girl photos just to see what kind of shit happened and I will say for a fact that as a woman I got 10x the amount of interest than I did as a male. Including many creepers who would say things like "nice tits" or "want to fuck?" or "marry me" usually very short sentences. I could tell they were just sending that out to 100s of profiles a night. Those guys are easy to catch. Alas I didn't go much further than that, since it was pointless and I got a pretty good idea.
As a male on these sites things are a lot easier, no doubt. I get a lot of single moms and really overweight people who will send me the usual 2 word sentences, although women tend to be a lot more classy. No "lets fuck's" just yet but plenty of "you're cute!" or "nice pics!"
But this should be par for the course I assume for most women/men. IRL women just arent as aggressive as men are... I know because I have had a lot more blatant objectification from gay guys than women and there's wayyyyy more women than gay guys. SO per capita I am guessing its more of a male thing.
I try to tell my buddies this stuff all the time, that girls start getting guys offering their dicks to them as early as 13, shameless! This is not the experience of men, unless they are children of rockstars or whatever. So I assume most women tend to be a lot more mature when it comes to sex/dating than most dudes, this is also going to show through in online dating or the local watering hole.
After all, it took me until my late 20s to feel attractive enough not to NEED sex for validation... I assume most women hit that point (if they do) way earlier because men are utterly shameless. After all, women can get laid any time they want, they practically own
"beauty" and definitely monopolize the vagina. I am getting sidetracked,
as for my experiences online well, they have generally been good. I get good attention on my profiles, I don't answer most of them, but women tend to be more sly, they favor sending winks and stuff as opposed to just saying hi. I mostly meet up at starbucks or whatever. I mentioned before some women troll those sites looking for free dinner hehe. I guess I shouldn't complain, if I have a week full of dates it should be a little expensive. I actually cut way back, I don't do much these days except work and workout. Too fucked up to try and bring someone into my life. But those sites are a good tool to know they exist.
As for local bars, yeah, hate em. No variety. Its all the same people I knew for years, entirely too many coke-heads infiltrating my towns bar scene, and prescription pill poppers, they infest the scene. If I want to go out for drinks I generally have to drive to another town or whatever so I don't have to deal with all the burn outs who live in my town. Plus the noise, and drunk assholes who get angry and think I am hitting on their girl, who has been staring at Me! I didn't even notice! Honest!
^^interesting
I don't know much. I was married most of my 20's. I've been so fvcking sheltered or something. Christ.
My experience wasn't with your normal everyday douchebags. (deleted bizarre story lol) .It was so bizarre. Such a bizarre experience.
I don't know much. I was married most of my 20's. I've been so fvcking sheltered or something. Christ.
My experience wasn't with your normal everyday douchebags. (deleted bizarre story lol) .It was so bizarre. Such a bizarre experience.
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#4. was something I ran into a lot. I took it as one of the legitimate excuses for the 'good ones' to not be all taken.
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I don't like dating sites for a few reasons - it would appear that most who go on there are only there as a result of having been an asshole offline, and I don't like how it's set up where many people automatically have expectations. I don't do well in situations where I feel like things I haven't necessarily agreed to do are expected of me.
I do, however, tend to meet most people I like online in general.
I do, however, tend to meet most people I like online in general.
I quite enjoy when someone baits me in with personal niceties and interests then reprimands me for taking an observant interest in what is put forth before me. I like to nullify these individuals to a slobbering whiny mess. Any further demands presented to me I like to discuss the matter of payment that I will gladly take out on their ass one way or another to subsidize their moral bankruptcy in the most lewdly superficial terms possible.
And what's worse is when they have no technical know how what so ever and won't even click a web link for fear they might see a penis. You ever run into one of those fools whom completely mix up the terms "knowledge" with "expectation" what a ripe ignorant fool!
And what's worse is when they have no technical know how what so ever and won't even click a web link for fear they might see a penis. You ever run into one of those fools whom completely mix up the terms "knowledge" with "expectation" what a ripe ignorant fool!
I've tried two. Match.com and howaboutwe.com ... My experiences were not good at all. I had dated en ESFJ for nine months and it went terribly from match and on howaboutwe I dated an ENTP for a few months. Both did not bode well with me. I don't think I'll ever do it again.
Yeah those places look awful. And yes okcupid is full of those darn hipsters. If the site has a smartphone app you get these abusive trolls looking to toy with you and other half assed attempts at communication.
Have you tried Plenty of Fish? I like its name kind of incognito and sensually dissuasive. I've met a few women on there whom are really nice and we pal around quite a bit. Nothing all too romantic though, but an enjoyable experience.
The problem with dating in general is location. Where I'm situated its hoodlums on one side, country bumpkins on the other and military/college vagabonds all around. Maybe that's humanity in a nutshell.
And men are birthed penetrating a woman's vagina. But would this be listed as sexual experience?
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I don't know, as someone looking at it stealthily...
I understand the complaint about appearance and truth not matching the description. Some of them -do- look....many things;
Fishy, ugly, dishonest, different, etc.
But I think it speaks more about the people than the medium in question. Namely, people who will, simply said, lie in their dating profiles, may be lying in their real life as well (only slightly more...you know, visible). At the same time, people who were horrible and bad at lying, as [MENTION=1451]Billy[/MENTION] said back then, will show some degrees of their horribleness there either.
Whether IRL or in those dating sites, they would still be the same.
I think part of the problem is the limited pool of fishes, so to speak. So many of people who uses dating sites aren't exactly using it to getting to know others, instead using it as a way to score some ass, or extramarital affairs, or etc, etc.
Then there's just people who don't really like knowing others well...?
And people who were in favor of meeting face to face rather than talking with written words..
I can see some people getting very annoyed with those, myself included.
I feel like to a certain degree this can be interesting, to nitpick and getting to know others. But I am aware that when you actively jump into the dating pool, IRL or otherwise, having little to no positive results can be very distressing, so.
I understand the complaint about appearance and truth not matching the description. Some of them -do- look....many things;
Fishy, ugly, dishonest, different, etc.
But I think it speaks more about the people than the medium in question. Namely, people who will, simply said, lie in their dating profiles, may be lying in their real life as well (only slightly more...you know, visible). At the same time, people who were horrible and bad at lying, as [MENTION=1451]Billy[/MENTION] said back then, will show some degrees of their horribleness there either.
Whether IRL or in those dating sites, they would still be the same.
I think part of the problem is the limited pool of fishes, so to speak. So many of people who uses dating sites aren't exactly using it to getting to know others, instead using it as a way to score some ass, or extramarital affairs, or etc, etc.
Then there's just people who don't really like knowing others well...?
And people who were in favor of meeting face to face rather than talking with written words..
I can see some people getting very annoyed with those, myself included.
I feel like to a certain degree this can be interesting, to nitpick and getting to know others. But I am aware that when you actively jump into the dating pool, IRL or otherwise, having little to no positive results can be very distressing, so.
I think many here are trying the free sites, nothing against free sites, but well like clothing... sometimes you pay for what you get. If someone put up a decent profile of themselves on a reputable paid site, and trusted their instinct in moving from online to offline, I think you can be equally susceptible to finding love on the internet compared to traditional means. It might even be a laughing matter for every single person to have not tried it, 20 years from now. Heck, I'll let someone know if it works xD
I've tried online dating several times. I'm not sure how I feel about it. On one hand, having the ability to write and chat for awhile gives the opportunity to divulge more - that's just me. But at the same time, I find that I meet so many people for a date that I don't connect with. F2F, I can come across very closed off, as I don't tend to let people in on a connective level easily. F2F, I can mediate the dates and say no without having to go on a date; where as online, I'm more apt to take the risk with someone I might not immediately open up to.
I think online, for me, gives me the opportunity to know someone a bit more before making the decision whether or not I want to pursue them romantically.
I do agree though, it's time consuming. Like someone else said, I feel responsible to respond to every message....which can be extremely tiring and soul sucking!
I think online, for me, gives me the opportunity to know someone a bit more before making the decision whether or not I want to pursue them romantically.
I do agree though, it's time consuming. Like someone else said, I feel responsible to respond to every message....which can be extremely tiring and soul sucking!