INFJ Parents - feedback?

Lerxst

Lerxst

Well-known member
MBTI
INFJ
Wanted to start a feedback thread for the INFJ parents out there (or children of INFJ parents). I just found out I'm going to be a father in a few months, so I'm wondering what any other INFJ (especially DADS) parents have been through. 90% of the males in my entire family are Exxx types, which makes me the black sheep. So I really have no experience what it's like being or having an INFJ father-figure.

There's this sort of giddy, nauseous, excitement I can't really explain, almost like it's not real. We've been trying for a while and basically gave up... and then guess what. So it was *mostly* intentional.

My Fe and Ti are sitting there, battling it out with one another in my head. "I think we should... but I feel it would be..." aaarrrggghh! So before I drive myself insane, anyone else on here been through this yet?
 
I can only give you my specific perspective, and I think a lot is determined by the type of your child, as to how they will react, and such. It is HARD. The first phase I went through was, "push the spouse out, nothing's more important than the kid & no one can take care of her the right way, but me."

So yeah... I was a joy to be around. Then I went back to work part time & that forced me to have to trust him & others to care for her, plus I had something else to focus on. I went from a coddling phase straight into a "I expect more from you" phase with my daughter, too. I would just caution you to recognize when your parenting methods are out of balance. We don't have grey areas, so it's really hard, but it benefits the child & spouse if you can be more flexible & less rigid. definitely pick your battles & be open to being wrong.

Let people help you. I read books on parenting all the time, but... nothing can prepare you for the oddball situations, & curve balls. Don't try to take it all on yourself. lean on others. Don't let guilt keep you from taking breaks. The child needs you to be at your healthiest. Realize bad things will happen you can't protect them from.

I'm no expert, but... i wish i had known some things up front. Congratulations! Make some great memories. :D
 
@Questingpoet, can probably give some good insight into what its like being an INFJ father.

Also congratulations.
 
Aw congrats. I have a son who will be 1 year old coming up in July, and I just love him to pieces. I always thought it'd be really hard/awful having kids (I wasn't raised around other kids much really, only adopted child here), but with him it is easy.

The lack of sleep can be taxing at times but they're worth it. :]
 
Thanks, I have an ESTJ wife who, I'm sure will keep both, father and child in line :) I'm looking forward to it overall... gives me an excuse to watch some old cartoon once again. I mean, when else can a grown adult get away with watching Bugs Bunny or Scooby Doo?!

I know my wife is going to have the biggest challenge depending on what our kids turns out to be - the difference between Se and Ni for instance. But she's great with little kids and I'm good with the slightly older ones. In theory we'll be complimentary styles... in theory.

I gotta stop thinking!! :m158:
 
Lerxst said:
Wanted to start a feedback thread for the INFJ parents out there (or children of INFJ parents). I just found out I'm going to be a father in a few months, so I'm wondering what any other INFJ (especially DADS) parents have been through. 90% of the males in my entire family are Exxx types, which makes me the black sheep. So I really have no experience what it's like being or having an INFJ father-figure.

There's this sort of giddy, nauseous, excitement I can't really explain, almost like it's not real. We've been trying for a while and basically gave up... and then guess what. So it was *mostly* intentional.

My Fe and Ti are sitting there, battling it out with one another in my head. "I think we should... but I feel it would be..." aaarrrggghh! So before I drive myself insane, anyone else on here been through this yet?
Click to expand...

Omg congrats! *throws confetti* I'm also curious for the replies. I think my dad is an INFJ, and I've always felt I identified with him the most ^^.
 
Watch out for unconscious emotional manipulation and you should be fine.

Congratulations on being a new daddy. :)
 
Majesty said:
Watch out for unconscious emotional manipulation and you should be fine.

Congratulations on being a new daddy. :)
Click to expand...

Aaargghh!!!! Tell my wife that... please!
 
Agree with [MENTION=630]Blind Bandit[/MENTION],

[MENTION=1292]Quest[/MENTION]inpoet is an INFJ dad. He can probably give you some good insights!
 
Congrats! Do you know the sex?

I met one very probable INFJ father irl, and he is great. When he talks about his daughters you can see they are the light of his life, and that he is so proud of them. What I liked most is that I had an opportunity to first-hand see that he let's his daughters make their own choices, he just simply let's them be who they are supposed to be without insisting that his way is the only way. He seems to be constantly amazed by his kids, and he has a tendency to look at them before stepping in, carefully assessing if he should step in at all, letting them learn on their mistakes, being there for them when they need him.

And judging by the way you care about how you'll do and the way you write about it, you'll be great.
 
Thanks for the referrals guys! I've written quite a bit on being a dad in my old blog and some in the new one. I waited in life to be a dad...almost until I was 30...and I think that plays a big part too in how I perceived fatherhood. I had some silly fears I now look back on and laugh at. Things like thinking I would have a much easier time loving a daughter and a harder time loving a son. Fears that I didn't know anything about being a parent and father. I failed to realize I had great role models in my parents that taught me everything I would need to start, and I could learn the rest in "on the job" training!

I don't want to dwell too much on type as I think any type can be a great (or terrible) parent with their own unique spins on things. Generally one of the most important things a child needs early on is something we Feelers are good at...love. Young children most of all need to be nurturned and feel loved and protected. These are areas INFJ's tend to excel at so you have a bit of a head start. Don't lose confidence or let yourself get overwhelmed. Just keep your child safe. Any other mistakes can be corrected, and we all make them!

There's nothing I love more in this world than my children. Just think, you have a great opportunity to make the world a better place by raising people who are what we all wish the world was made of. Kind, fun-loving, wise, honest people. Good luck to you, you will do just fine...


*any other questions just ask!
 
My mom is an INFJ... She is complex, deep, thoughtful and imaginative. But it's really hard for her to find people that would understand her and see things from her perspectives. She over-thinks and takes things very close. Her marriages were unsuccessful because her partners never really knew who she really is and how she feels about things. Her J is developed only slightly above P, while my P is developed only slightly above J.
Living with her, growing up with her and being raised by her shaped in so many ways my own personality, my world view. We are not just a parent and her son, but we have been also *very* good friends, sharing so much together. It in a way spoiled me as it introduced me to the ways how communications between people are possible, how possible it is to really connect with someone and look deeper. But getting such connection is so difficult in life and subconsciously I tried to reach the same type of emotional bond with many people in life but failed, because not everyone is INFJ or as emotionally educated/mature as her.
Of course there were a lot of troubles and things I encountered and in some ways she was at times a little bit too soft with me, and gave a little bit too much slack but still. I wouldn't want to have any other parent.
 
Thanks for even more replies!

If I think about it, my mom is probably and INFJ and my grandfather on her side who I never knew probably was as well. (Of course, he was a shell-shocked, WWII alcoholic veteran who thought the whole world were Nazis all coming to get him)

I know she and I share a special bond that I don't have with a lot of other family members. I'm hoping to take a lot of lessons from her, but at the same time, my ENTJ father was a god-send growing up. He and I also share a bond, almost like and opposites attract type of bond. Growing up, I never needed curfews or anything of that nature since crossing either of them was the punishment in and of itself! So, I'm pretty sure, no matter what my kid(s) are, I'll be able to connect with them in some way...
 
Update: Thanks again for the replies, won't be needed though.

Doctor couldn't find a heartbeat. Wife had a miscarriage at the end of the first trimester... going to crawl under a rock for a while :(
 
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Lerxst said:
Update: Thanks again for the replies, won't be needed though.

Doctor couldn't find a heartbeat. Wife had a miscarriage at the end of the first trimester... going to crawl under a rock for a while :(
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I'm really sorry my friend. I can tell you were taking this seriously and looking forward to it too despite your trepidation. If you really wish it, it will happen. Feel free to PM me and I can share a few stories with you.

~keith
 
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