I don't think I have a type as such. .it's a feeling and/or the vibe the person gives off. people just end up there, don't really think it is a thoughtful process. perhaps it should be, but right now it isn't. they get close by a combination of sharing and trusting. .and I will do anything for them. . until they cross a certain line, then they are out and may never get back in. . I know that's vague, but I guess I don't think about it
This speaks to me.. This is my default, too. <3
I had reflected on a couple of things during the last year and will try to answer a bit more in depth trying to make it concrete as possible what it is like from my end..
1. What personality type that you normally let into your inner circle?
I came into contact with MBTI really late, so it never affected my friendships consciously. What I mean is, to me it is not a friendship filter.
2. What quality that you're seeking in this inner circle?
Genuinity - you can translate that also as honesty, trustworthiness, openness, (no games)
Communication - you can translate that as an individual interest in understanding (understanding others and being understood), putting some work into it and meaning it (a bit of fairness and tact isn't bad to have)
Creativity & Weirdness - this isn't conscious, but I just happen to click a lot easier with people who have quirks and any kind of creative side that I happen to get a peek of - it just gets my attention easily, I guess. Plus, seeing oneself as a bit weird usually comes with lots of tolerance and understanding of feelings of being different and misunderstood, which I don't think is type related.
Calmness & Patience - in the sense that they don't expect me to serve and entertain them regularly but just enjoy when we share and have high quality time whenever that is again. People who don't pressure me, push me, or try to overly persuade me, and who enjoy taking a casual walk and explore something in nature, or just sit together with a cup of tea and talk about ...everything upside down and inside out. Sometimes just exploring an idea, and not understanding it necessarily as stating
my point. (Meaning that I prefer open exchange over dispute.)
Inner Child Connection - I just.. really feel comfortable when people are silly with me, where we can fill a moment with wonders, play, excitement and interests, where it isn't about ego, power, prestige or being right and all this nonsense that is taken too seriously all too often
3. How do they become your inner circle?
This is not only how they become part of the inner circle but probably also how we stay in the inner circle..
They usually have a genuine vibrant glow, without any "other agenda" shade about them.
They invite you in and they are not afraid to be invited in either. Sometimes that has happened during a situation where a mask or wall had crumbled, one way or another, and there is actually starting to be vulnerable sharing (both ways get-giving).
I won't bother if there is A LOT vibe that is there in order to mask, distract or
overly self-protect, in the sense that it is like a sign "don't approach". I
might give it a soft try maybe but basically I will respect that (no matter if they emit it consciously or unconsciously) until the emission changes.
When they get at least a part of me right, and they don't react with distrust or freak out when they see kindness, hear genuine compliments, or when they realize I might have gotten a part of them right too. (This is also basically the "don't approach" sign.)
When they don't get bored or upset on the long run because I'm not extraverted enough or when my mind jumps all too often to more inconcrete layers, and when I don't get bored or upset on the long run either. (Basically if nothing of 2 is too much of a problem for us and we feel safe to confront conflict.)
4. Do you compromise a lot for the people in your inner circle?
Yes and no, I guess. I've been told to be too kind (over-compromising) and I'm working on boundaries and bringing more of myself in but also to get active before any conflict builds up too much in order to prevent door-slamming and crossing-a-line scenarios, and let people know how to treat me as soon as I figured it out for myself. People who get that I am an imperfect being constantly trying to figure out how to be a better friend.
I must say though that this is more of a core that might have still some circles within it that differ from each other. The most inner inner circle is my husband/best friend/partner in crime. <3
There have been opinions of others that I were hard to get to know as well as that (in my more extrovert moments) to them I seem to "know everyone" (but usually these I would call acquaintances outside of the circle, because I have superficial energy for more people but prefer 1 on 1 interaction that is depth oriented). I would still be genuinely happy to see them and I would still be curious about their ideas if I happen to sit next to them, but I'm also a lazy often withdrawn passive bum, and a lot of friendships have probably never had a chance to bloom because of that. (Not fishing for anything, just trying to say it mildly.
)
So I guess there is always a piece of timing and life circumstances involved, though time is relative.. Like..you could get a message from a friend from yeeears back, and it's up to you then. You know?
....this might sound like I know very well but this has been hell of a lot of work for me nevertheless. Despite all this, I don't sit there and do a checklist or something.. it just happens naturally as David wrote it. So basically I would go back to the very beginning of this convoluted post.
