INFJ in a Competitive School Environment

[writerinchief]

First things first: my school is pretty competitive. I happen to be near the top of the class, which is great, but places a huge target on my back. Consequently, I am constantly putting on a balancing act, trying to be an unthreatening threat. What an oxymoron.

I've been able to maintain that balance in the past, but am struggling now. This year, I've really challenged myself and taken the hardest classes, and my history class in particular is famed for being challenging, as the professor is very strict.

The rigor of my history class has caused a lot of competition in the classroom. Really, this is the first year I have acutely realized the full extent of the competitive streak in my peers, and it's very intimidating.

As a result, I have lost most of my confidence, and have really become an unthreatening nothing. I know I am just as capable as my peers, if not more so, but I have allowed myself to become a doormat on the face of concentrated competition.

I remember there was one time, during a graded discussion, when many people were leaping into the discussion and patronizing others, trying to style themselves as leaders for being so considerate to try and include the quiet students in the discussion. I detest this kind of inauthenticity, and so kept quiet, unfortunately to the detriment of my reputation and grade.

The thing is, I know I have the ability to challenge my peers in this competitive environment, but my will to do so is sadly not there.

What have you all done when faced with an overly competitive environment?

 

[Wyote]

Some of the things I'm about to say may be painfully obvious, but they bear repeating... and repeating.

First of all, school is a very screwed up place and you may not fully grasp the minutia of its failings until later in life. It is a social clusterfuck. The real world is often more cut-throat, but there is help at every turn if you are willing to seek it. All school provides is typically a moderately skilled counselor to grieve with, but at the end of the day they can make no real changes within the confines of the establishment(prison). It's a grim circumstance.

Generally, people who get ahead in life are the ones that shut out all of that noise (and it really is all just noise). Play strategically. Be a rogue. INFJs are good rogues anyway so it's a good bet that this mentality will work out for you.

Play to your strengths. Don't be the loudest (smart people recognize which people are playing the "I'm the loudest" game anyway, trust me). They do often get ahead more quickly, but you aren't in a quick game, you are the fucking turtle. You are strategic, consistent, unrelentingly steady. And you will kill it in areas you are natural at. There will always be somebody better. Always. But who cares? They are going their own way, you go yours and you'll probably almost never cross paths but if you do it will be brief because you are always moving forward.

Also, next year literally no one is going to care that you took the hardest classes. If you are doing it to get into a good school, they only care if you are taking some advanced courses to challenge yourself so if you get rekt by them it's actually ok. It's pretty much all test scores and GPA that get you in, though. So you know, no pressure there or anything. Totally fair and unbiased way of doing things. Nobody ever has health issues senior year or test anxiety.

 

[Sloe Djinn]

Glowing recommendations may also have an influence depending upon the path you want to take. That comes from getting to know your instructors and displaying genuine interest in who they are and what they teach, which goes beyond merely having the highest grade in their class. If you were an instructor, who would make more of an impression on you? The person who wants to say all the right things to you, or the person who sees you as a potential mentor whose life experience may be worth drawing from?

When I was in undergrad, I took a history class from a professor who intimidated a lot of people. I didn't get the best grade in his class, but he once pulled me aside and told me with emphasis that "you're good", with regard to potentially making history my field. He once complimented me in front of the entire class for condensing one of the exam essay questions into a one-page answer while adequately hitting all of the relevant points. Why did I stand out? Because I loved the topic, and I showed it in asking questions that delved deeper than the class required on the surface. I did not limit my questions or observations to instances during which I could display it in front of an audience. I was not no.1 in the class by any means, but still ended up making an impression. Had history been my chosen field of study, I definitely would have kept him in mind for a reference/recommendation.

 

[writerinchief]

Thanks for the kind responses, [MENTION=251]Wyote[/MENTION] and [MENTION=2434]Sloe Djinn[/MENTION]!

Just a couple things, as I realized I wasn't very clear before: I didn't want to take this class because of a transcript. If I had cared about my GPA, I wouldn't have taken this class at all, as English is my passion. History isn't even on my radar for possible future careers, I just liked the idea of challenging the limits of my mental abilities.

I also love the class. The professor is deeply enthusiastic, with an array of amazing accents and sweeping hand gestures that keep me on the edge of my seat, forgetting to take notes because I am so engrossed in the material.

What I worry about is really the intensity of the competition, because it's messing with my mind and making me start paying more attention to my grades or possible recommendations.

See, I had thought that this class would be really fun, because all of us would commiserate over how utterly screwed we were over a string of colorful Facebook messages. I thought I would become close enough to my classmates that I could hold study sessions, trips to get froyo, stuff like that. I was completely not ready for this intense competitiveness.

To put it in another way, I value a harmonious environment too much to bear so much aggression in the classroom.

I think what I have to do is somehow disassociate from it all, but I don't know how. Realizing the bigger picture, as you all have mentioned, will probably help.

Playing the long game should be easy to INFJs, huh? Children's play. Only I was playing with Legos and Barbies when I was five, but I digress.

 

[invisible]

I'm doing a postgrad degree. I got a HD for my research subject this semester, which means that I came either first or second in the class for the subject overall (not sure which). I came first for a final assignment I did also, for another unit, that was with a team, in which I did the core work for the assessment, and the greater part of the task. I cannot stand competitive environments, I did not flourish emotionally during semester, drank heavily and hated my life. The thing that caused me to get high grades was to mostly ignore the classes apart from being polite, and to focus on completing the grade assessable tasks and doing everything in them that my teachers told me to do. Who cares what others are doing? Be polite and ignore them. Why don't you care about your transcript? Performing academically is the whole point of university. Get in there and get the grades you need to score a bearable career. You can revisit the reading list and learn whatever you want on your own time. (just my opinion)

 

[writerinchief]

[MENTION=1814]invisible[/MENTION] Yeah, I'll probably close myself off to the rest of my classmates, though it pains me to do so. I'm always really sad when I have a vision of what should happen in my mind and it doesn't come into fruition, no matter how romanticized.

I've found in the past that the more I focus on my transcript, the worse I do academically, so I try to somehow care but also not care about my transcript. I sounded very Taoist there, didn't I? But yes, my transcript lingers in the back of my mind, but I usually never really think about it.

Besides, I love challenges. No matter how much I may rant on the contrary here, when I get back to school, I'll probably be ready to tackle on another semester of this class.

 

[Wyote]

I'm always really sad when I have a vision of what should happen in my mind and it doesn't come into fruition, no matter how romanticized.

And there's the thing. A highly pervasive issue throughout all things in my own life anyway.

In academia, it's best to do as @invisible has done. Abandon the general populous, and make friends with the few others that seem to be doing the same (as well as professors and advisors).

Depending on what school you go to / get into, that intensity you are picking up on in this one class is likely only to increase several times over within the population of the whole school.

Elementary school and Junior high were great places to make friends because generally you are just going through the motions academically while building social skills is a centerpiece of life. Things slowly get real after that. In college, you can make a few allies, and maybe a friend or two outside of your department.

Then it becomes the wild west of sociability in the real world. Mostly tumbleweeds and cacti with a few things randomly trying to kill you. Your posse slowly gets taken down by health problems, debt, child rearing, general idiocy or a host of other unexpected things. No froyo in sight because now it gives you mad indigestion.

 

[writerinchief]

[MENTION=251]Wyote[/MENTION] What, you mean I can't eat froyo when I'm older? And I thought growing up was fun.

From reading these posts, I'm actually surprised, then, that I haven't encountered such competition before. Well, actually, I have encountered competition even during freshman year, but certainly not on the scale of what I've seen this year. Perhaps it's because we're all juniors now, and the real world is bearing down upon us with more urgency.

I definitely get the feeling from my classmates that we've all disbanded into small groups of two or three. There's an incredible us against the world mentality at my school, which is funny since my school prides itself on its warm and friendly student body. It would be quite humorous, if I hadn't chosen this school precisely because of its community.

Well, at least the lessons I'll learn from this experience will be incredibly applicable to life. Though, since I'm curious now, pray tell, if the social scene during adulthood is such a barren desert, how do you all personally make friends?

 

[Wyote]

What, you mean I can't eat froyo when I'm older? And I thought growing up was fun.

It has other perks for sure, I only meant to be a bit doom and gloom for effect. You'll probably get your froyo, but it might be a solo venture more often than you think.

...if the social scene during adulthood is such a barren desert, how do you all personally make friends?

Most people seem to end up just doing things with co-workers. To me, these are pseudo friendships. Good enough I guess, but I'm more interested in that idealistic super friend type, which is impossible to find as I was saying.

Everyone's experiences are different of course. But if you look at statistics, the number of friends people report having in adulthood is depressingly low.

It's better to have a realistic outlook. There are lots of assholes but there are also nice, great people out there and as an adult it's more difficult to foster those relationships. It's also harder to find those nice people that are the minority, unless you make a serious independent and active effort to do so. And why would you do that, when you've just used up all of your time and energy at a 9-5 job plus you have some housework that needs doing or some project(Netflix? Audible.com? lol) you are working on?

Again it's not like life is over or anything. Probably, if anything in adulthood you'll find that one person who is way cooler than anybody you've ever found before, or continue to build on an already awesome friendship. But it's a fight. The older you get, the harder your punches or the quicker your dodges have to be to keep going.


http://www.livescience.com/16879-close-friends-decrease-today.html

http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/nation/2006-06-22-friendship_x.htm

 

[writerinchief]

[MENTION=251]Wyote[/MENTION] Thank you for giving me this heads-up. At the very least, I can look forward to many cups of froyo with gummie worms and mochi, even if getting the froyo itself will become a solo undertaking! And no, it isn't as weird of a combination as it may sound.

Wow, those are some sobering articles. It really makes me appreciate my friends more, knowing that it'll only be harder for me to preserve and create friendships in the future.

And though I know adulthood isn't all doom and gloom, I know I should really start acknowledging the disparity between what I had thought adulthood would be like from watching too much Netflix, and what it actually is, as evidenced by these posts above. You have been of invaluable help.