INFJ friendship process - immediately clicking

[Wyote]

How do you find friends that understand you for who you are? And friends that understand your need for alone time now and then?

Welcome!

As long as you are up front and honest about where you're at, people will generally be very understanding. And if they aren't then you probably don't want to be their friend anyway, so it's a good litmus test.

 

[Impact Character]

I just signed up to this forum today as I figured it would help me out a little. I have had one close friend for a few years and I have an amazing boyfriend, but my friend lives really far away so we only catch up every few months. My boyfriend is my best friend but I feel like I need to expand my social circle beyond that, I'm feeling a bit lonely.

Hello! It's really nice to read you.

I'm doing my first year at university which is nearly finished. I still feel like I haven't truly "clicked" with anyone there as i find it really hard to start conversations. When I do find a group to hang out with I usually feel socially exhausted at the end of the day. I've only recently realised that I'm becoming reclusive and I don't know what to do.

How do you find friends that understand you for who you are? And friends that understand your need for alone time now and then?

I've been through exactly the same.. humm..at least twice..
Universities and so on usually "recommend to participate in social activities".. I get that.. It's hard to meet people outside from within your room...but still..

I found that sharing smiles helped me to filter and find..I like it when other's synchronize with that. Also..I met a girl, I randomly sat next to during a class..now she's like sister to me and viceversa.. just because of a key moment after that we shared that seem to came totally random but wasn't.. It's like... synchronizity... I guess it's okay to believe in being a magnet of some sort (I don't mean charismatic magnet).

Additional digital friendships enrichened my life, too... I rather don't like to underestimate this even if everyone else might think otherwise..I enjoy this especially when I'm too exhausted for face-to-face interaction.

I wish you joy and optimistic sparks

 

[Carolynabj]

I didn't quite know how to word the topic, but as an INFJ the friendship process has been an interesting one. When younger, I had a lot of friends, but then as I developed into my INFJ personality throughout life the amount of friends and ease of creating new friends diminished.
Unfortunately, I let a lot of toxic people into my life. And let them walk all over me. It hasn't been until the past few years that I have started to develop into a more healthy version of the INFJ. Removing the toxic, being able to say "No", and being more selective and aware of the people I let in.

This has been great for me! What I've noticed due to this, I find a lot less people I am interested in, and I rarely find anyone I click with. And if there are potential friends, it can take a matter of a few weeks to start forming a friendship, to 6+ months/a year if things don't go well.

What I wanted to ask about, are experiences when you have immediately clicked with someone. I'm guessing some INFJs have been in my similar position. Have you ever met someone (or may not officially met them, but have seen them from across a crowded room), and you feel that there is a connection? And you immediately want to be friends with that person? And if so, did you pursue that friendship? Did it turn out you were right and there was something special about this person, and that you were meant to be friends? Or that they came into your life for a reason?

Immediately clicking with someone is very very rare for me. It seems like it only happens every few several years. Just want to know if you've experienced things like that.

 

[Carolynabj]

I am really not good at this yet LOL but yes this happened to me when I was in spiritual meet up group and I am mediately felt like one of the speakers was like a kindred spirit and I did pursue it and we are going to have virtual coffee in two weeks. It’s hard to reach out to people but I’m determined to find my peeps

 

[Carolynabj]

I certainly have my fair share of trouble making friends. Which on the other side makes me "love" or "befriend" harder once I meet someone I click with. I actually hate it, because a lot of times I drive the person away by being too intense. For me, I guess, it has to do with self-esteem issues and a windy past. Both are obviously connected. I have to be careful not to open up too quickly once I "click" with someone which happens rarely, yeah. Lonely here

I call this sometimes I am too much they call it my two muchness. Some people just will never get it. When you’re a kind person needy selfish bottomless pit people find you not necessarily to exploit you though it feels that way I think it’s more because they realize you have what they lack and they’re hoping to steal it. It gets lonely when you have to push them all awayAnd there are so few people left, but the ones that are left usually are your peeps!

 

[biwaly]

It was always the right choice for me to befriend with people I immediately clicked which they were like a black hole that attracts me. I don't believe in fate and whatnot but I'm glad I meet them.

When I was way younger I was immature therefore I sought perfection therefore I didn't have many friends. I had friends who had the potential to be great friends but they didn't want to be a friend, instead they were like my child so I removed my children from my life a few years ago. I'm wiser anymore therefore I don't seek perfection but I realized it doesn't worth to be in relationship with people who I didn't click. It's like romantic love, no point to get married to people you have no romantic interest. Yes, it's rare for me too but it's better to wait for such people and/or be alone instead of having toxic people in your life.