INFJ and INFP Intimate Relationships

[hearsay]

I entered into an intimate relationship with an INFP female not too long ago and I couldn't be happier. Things are working out great between us; I treat her how I prefer to be treated and so on, so things are fine and dandy for now. I mean, as I see it, we're alike in almost every way. But I'm interested in hearing from those of you experienced with INFPs in what are potential pitfalls I should be looking out for and things I can work on to improve my relationship with her specific type and how it interacts with mine.

 

[TrevOrTrevor]

I know an INFP. She's a smart, sensitive person with a great sense of humour. We're able to joke together or talk seriously or philosophize..she's pretty cool.

 

[IndigoSensor]

An INFJ/INFP romantic relationship seems inconpatible in me eyes, with one exception. If the INFJ has a good handle on Ne, and the INFP has a good handle on Fe, it will work out quite well.

 

[slant]

Hmm, I dunno, the only example I know of an INFP/INFJ relationship did not work out.

 

[Ria]

I was talking to an INFP for a short time, it didnt go anywhere because he seemed too intollerant and critical and came across like he was a bit of a know it all... I didn't like the fact that he was soo stuck in his ways and thought patterns, but that's just only one example. His views of the world seemed rather childlike for his age and his lifestyle was very quite dependant on his dad. What's more, is he seemed needy of me for his own happiness and this bothered me because I was concerned about co-dependancy. He def. seemed to get mad easily if things in his life didn't go his own way, particularly in conversations with me... I could feel his anxiety and when I began to feel smothered by his constant need of my attention and I ended up backing away. Then I got a bitter text message where he actually attacked my communications skills and told me that I needed to learn to communicate like 'an effin human being'... nice! lol So ya, a bit too volitile for me.

 

[IndigoSensor]

I am friends with an INFP who is in a really happy relationship with an INFJ (I only know the INFJ through facebook), so it is possible.

 

[Faye]

I've only ever met one INFP that I knew was an INFP, and she and I could not function together in a relationship.

This is interesting though. I'm happy for you.

 

[Puck]

I like INFPs, in theory. They can grate on me sometimes though. My problem, I know, but there's something that rubs me a little the wrong way that I can't quite put my finger on. Apart from that I think they're absolutely lovely people. The only comparison I can think of is, that I'm an Aries native and Taureans seem to piss me off slightly, in a similar way, even though I really like them as people and can see how wonderful some of their qualities are - there's just some kind of friction there.

This is all besides the point - I'm really happy for your relationship and hope it works out for you

 

[PoetOfDreams]

Yeah... you INFJs can't get along with me.

 

[Blind Bandit]

I like INFPs, in theory. They can grate on me sometimes though. My problem, I know, but there's something that rubs me a little the wrong way that I can't quite put my finger on. Apart from that I think they're absolutely lovely people. The only comparison I can think of is, that I'm an Aries native and Taureans seem to piss me off slightly, in a similar way, even though I really like them as people and can see how wonderful some of their qualities are - there's just some kind of friction there.

This is all besides the point - I'm really happy for your relationship and hope it works out for you

I would guess its the Fi Ne vs Ni Fe that probably throws things off for most people.

 

[Altruistic Muse]

A few people I know, in the non-romantic sense, are INFPs. I find that they grate on me. I think it's becaus, although I'm emotional, I try so hard to keep this side of things to myself (if I blurt out things to peope it always disappoints me). Whereas INFPs do seem to kind of lay themselves out on a plate and for some reason that irritates me? Also one guy I used to talk to online was very defeatest and quite moany. He ouldn't find a girlfriend and instead of looking for what he could change to rectify the situation, it was everyone else's fault and he got very bitter about it. It was a bit annoying.

 

[Soulful]

I like INFPs, in theory. They can grate on me sometimes though. The only comparison I can think of is, that I'm an Aries native and Taureans seem to piss me off slightly, in a similar way, even though I really like them as people and can see how wonderful some of their qualities are - there's just some kind of friction there.

It's interesting you mention that. What do you think it is that rubs you the wrong way? I'm also an Aries native and I know an INFP whose moon is in Taurus. The stubbornness really ticks me off. But that's not an INFP thing (I'm assuming). The lack of Fe does get to me though, the relationship can feel one-sided and that's hard.

To respond to your question, hearsay, I think that while type can indicate relationship dynamics, what's important in any relationship is that you are compatible as individuals, communicate, and meet each other's (and your own) needs and values.

 

[Puck]

It's interesting you mention that. What do you think it is that rubs you the wrong way? I'm also an Aries native and I know an INFP whose moon is in Taurus. The stubbornness really ticks me off. But that's not an INFP thing (I'm assuming).

Yes the Aries/Taurus clash is not just an INFP thing. I can think of 5 Taurean individuals with different personalities who share this kind of charge in their manner, which I find irritating. Don't get me wrong, it's me who finds it irritating, so I'm not blaming them for my problem. How they come off to me is with a pinch of smugness and sense of entitlement which does not seem to take other people into account, which does mean that they can take liberties with others, seemingly unawares, just because it feels comfortable to them.

With INFPs, it's not exactly like this, but something similar - there's nothing wrong with them per se. In fact I love INFP idealism and aspire to it in many ways, although I always put brackets around my own imaginationland whereas they seemingly don't. One example is that I love fairies, elves, etc and avidly read about them, but it's separate from my reality. I enjoy escaping to my imagination from time to time, through books, or creative writing, or even my elf persona on this forum, but I don't believe a fairy will actually fly through my window any time soon and start talking to me. I know an INFP fairy believer who really does talk to them and thinks they are real. I would want to talk to her about the imaginary fairies I've read about in books whereas she wants to talk to me about the real one sat on her shoulder. I love the imagination behind that, but it's also bloody hilarious to me, yet if I laughed (which I wouldn't to her face) she would be offended, because that's her reality. So again, my problem. The other INFP 'thing' is what feels to me like a pervading lack of self-reliance, or inability to make decisions or take responsibility in a situation, which grates on me, because it creates a vacuum whereby I then have to take responsibility for them as well as myself and yet they seem perfectly unaware that this is a problem. To my mind it is wrong to expect someone else to make decisions for you, or to murmur along the border of a decision for what seems like a decade until the other person has steam coming out of their ears... What it comes down to is that I take personal responsbility seriously, and it doesn't sit well with me when others don't.

I strive to be more tolerant. I love people, I love variety in people. I have friends who are both Taureans and/or INFPs, It's just that some interpersonal interactions are harder work for me than others.

 

[acd]

I'm INFP and don't believe in the supernatural OR expect anyone to take care of me, nor would I ever allow anyone to make decisions for me. Sheesh.

 

[Puck]

I'm INFP and don't believe in the supernatural OR expect anyone to take care of me, nor would I ever allow anyone to make decisions for me. Sheesh.

Just ignore me honestly. I'm full of shit.
Anyway, I wasn't thinking of you at all when I was making my wildly inaccurate and highly suspect generalisations.

 

[acd]

I know you weren't thinking of me. Gah. I don't even know why I bother. I know threads like these are just going to be filled with generalizations. I guess every so often I take it upon myself to be the PC police. You just ignore me.

I admit I have participated in threads like this in the past, probably the last time was the INTJ thread.. and looking back it was dumb.

Maybe mbti in general is just irritating to me lately. Then there's that self-admitted ridiculous rant against INFP people someone made yesterday or today..

Good bye, thread. In fact, probably good bye to this place for awhile. Gettin under my skin.

 

[Sithious]

FFS, not another one of these.

This forum is seriously predictable, just the same topics and discussions and themes over and over again.

Here's a graph to illustrate it

 

[Blind Bandit]

I know you weren't thinking of me. Gah. I don't even know why I bother. I know threads like these are just going to be filled with generalizations. I guess every so often I take it upon myself to be the PC police. You just ignore me.

I admit I have participated in threads like this in the past, probably the last time was the INTJ thread.. and looking back it was dumb.

Maybe mbti in general is just irritating to me lately. Then there's that self-admitted ridiculous rant against INFP people someone made yesterday or today..

Good bye, thread. In fact, probably good bye to this place for awhile. Gettin under my skin.

I think your taking this way too personally.

FFS, not another one of these.

This forum is seriously predictable, just the same topics and discussions and themes over and over again.

Here's a graph to illustrate it

Graph don't work.

 

[minkowski thermodynamics]

For some reason, the two most hated groups on forums like these are two opposites: INFP's and ESTJ's.

There are many reasons for this, but the two most prominent ones in my opinion are:

1. People use mbti the wrong way

2. These two groups (INFP's and ESTJ's) have unique features which make them the hardest to understand, and the easiest to incorrectly stereotype and misinterpret.
--------------------------------

About 1:

MBTI was intended to bridge gaps, to make us understand each other.

Yet somewhere along the line, more and more people use mbti as a way to separate themselves.

The NT's have a chip on their shoulder and so they want to get back at all those "dumb" sensors and "irrational" feelers for misunderstanding them. The NF's wish everyone else had as much depth and creativity to not behave like "shallow sheep." The ESTJ's and the INFP's get the worst rep because estj's are the most stereotypical definition of a strong sensor, whereas INFP's are the most stereotypical definition of a dreamy NF. So unfortunately, these two get the worst criticisms.

I wish MBTI started being used again as a way for us to connect, rather than to separate.

----------------------------------------------

About 2:

ESTJ's have a unique way of looking at the world which makes their love language come off to most people as being too brutal, too harsh, too uncompromising. From the estj perspective, an unsolved problem is a constant nag. It is a splinter in their side that they just can't ignore until they deal with it. So they keep pushing the issue, until it's dealt with. To others this might come off as being too harsh or too pushy.

INFP's have a unique way of looking at the world which makes their love language come off to most people as being too flaky, too whiny, too depressing. When an INFP talks about their troubles, they are saying that "I trust you enough to confide these troubles in my heart to you" Despite the silly emo stereotype, INFP's are extremely guarded with their inner emotions. Thus when they open up to you, they're showing their trust in you. They trust you to be compassionate and understanding enough and know that they won't be casting pearls before swine. Yet most people see this as the INFP "whining." Introverted feeling (Fi) is also so difficult to explain. I have yet to see a satisfactory explanation of Fi. Fi is very much like Ti, and does not mean emotional. Heck, there are INFP's who will tell you that they come off as being too cold, or too stoic and unemotional to other people. Different people can use the same premise and build up different arguments, the same way, though INFP's can have the same Fi foundations, it is built up in different ways, and manifests itself in different ways. It is therefore silly to try to paint INFP's with one brush when it comes to things like beliefs about fairies, taking personal responsibility, independence etc.

 

[Kaipaus]

minkowski thermodynamics, your post is really interesting. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I agree that the MBTI is too often used to separate people when it's created for people to better understand and connect to each other.

Anyway, I also know a few INFPs. I'm not quite sure if I'm an INFP myself. My sister is an INFP and she doesn't believe in fairies. As far as I'm concerned, she doesn't believe in the supernatural at all. Some of my INFP friends and acquaintances irritate me a bit although I'm probably an INFP, myself. So not all INFPs are exactly the same.