INFJ and INFP Intimate Relationships

[Gaze]

For some reason, the two most hated groups on forums like these are two opposites: INFP's and ESTJ's.

There are many reasons for this, but the two most prominent ones in my opinion are:

1. People use mbti the wrong way

2. These two groups (INFP's and ESTJ's) have unique features which make them the hardest to understand, and the easiest to incorrectly stereotype and misinterpret.
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About 1:

MBTI was intended to bridge gaps, to make us understand each other.

Yet somewhere along the line, more and more people use mbti as a way to separate themselves.

The NT's have a chip on their shoulder and so they want to get back at all those "dumb" sensors and "irrational" feelers for misunderstanding them. The NF's wish everyone else had as much depth and creativity to not behave like "shallow sheep." The ESTJ's and the INFP's get the worst rep because estj's are the most stereotypical definition of a strong sensor, whereas INFP's are the most stereotypical definition of a dreamy NF. So unfortunately, these two get the worst criticisms.

I wish MBTI started being used again as a way for us to connect, rather than to separate.

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About 2:

ESTJ's have a unique way of looking at the world which makes their love language come off to most people as being too brutal, too harsh, too uncompromising. From the estj perspective, an unsolved problem is a constant nag. It is a splinter in their side that they just can't ignore until they deal with it. So they keep pushing the issue, until it's dealt with. To others this might come off as being too harsh or too pushy.

INFP's have a unique way of looking at the world which makes their love language come off to most people as being too flaky, too whiny, too depressing. When an INFP talks about their troubles, they are saying that "I trust you enough to confide these troubles in my heart to you" Despite the silly emo stereotype, INFP's are extremely guarded with their inner emotions. Thus when they open up to you, they're showing their trust in you. They trust you to be compassionate and understanding enough and know that they won't be casting pearls before swine. Yet most people see this as the INFP "whining." Introverted feeling (Fi) is also so difficult to explain. I have yet to see a satisfactory explanation of Fi. Fi is very much like Ti, and does not mean emotional. Heck, there are INFP's who will tell you that they come off as being too cold, or too stoic and unemotional to other people. Different people can use the same premise and build up different arguments, the same way, though INFP's can have the same Fi foundations, it is built up in different ways, and manifests itself in different ways. It is therefore silly to try to paint INFP's with one brush when it comes to things like beliefs about fairies, taking personal responsibility, independence etc.

great post. Whether or not i'm INFP is still unsure but i am annoyed at the flaky INFP feelers stereotypes.

 

[acd]

As long as both people aren't needy emotional basketcases I guess it could be pretty sublime!! Heh. Forgot about this thread!

 

[Morgain]

For some reason, the two most hated groups on forums like these are two opposites: INFP's and ESTJ's.

There are many reasons for this, but the two most prominent ones in my opinion are:

1. People use mbti the wrong way

2. These two groups (INFP's and ESTJ's) have unique features which make them the hardest to understand, and the easiest to incorrectly stereotype and misinterpret.
--------------------------------

About 1:

MBTI was intended to bridge gaps, to make us understand each other.

Yet somewhere along the line, more and more people use mbti as a way to separate themselves.

The NT's have a chip on their shoulder and so they want to get back at all those "dumb" sensors and "irrational" feelers for misunderstanding them. The NF's wish everyone else had as much depth and creativity to not behave like "shallow sheep." The ESTJ's and the INFP's get the worst rep because estj's are the most stereotypical definition of a strong sensor, whereas INFP's are the most stereotypical definition of a dreamy NF. So unfortunately, these two get the worst criticisms.

I wish MBTI started being used again as a way for us to connect, rather than to separate.

----------------------------------------------

About 2:

ESTJ's have a unique way of looking at the world which makes their love language come off to most people as being too brutal, too harsh, too uncompromising. From the estj perspective, an unsolved problem is a constant nag. It is a splinter in their side that they just can't ignore until they deal with it. So they keep pushing the issue, until it's dealt with. To others this might come off as being too harsh or too pushy.

INFP's have a unique way of looking at the world which makes their love language come off to most people as being too flaky, too whiny, too depressing. When an INFP talks about their troubles, they are saying that "I trust you enough to confide these troubles in my heart to you" Despite the silly emo stereotype, INFP's are extremely guarded with their inner emotions. Thus when they open up to you, they're showing their trust in you. They trust you to be compassionate and understanding enough and know that they won't be casting pearls before swine. Yet most people see this as the INFP "whining." Introverted feeling (Fi) is also so difficult to explain. I have yet to see a satisfactory explanation of Fi. Fi is very much like Ti, and does not mean emotional. Heck, there are INFP's who will tell you that they come off as being too cold, or too stoic and unemotional to other people. Different people can use the same premise and build up different arguments, the same way, though INFP's can have the same Fi foundations, it is built up in different ways, and manifests itself in different ways. It is therefore silly to try to paint INFP's with one brush when it comes to things like beliefs about fairies, taking personal responsibility, independence etc.

this is indeed a very good explanation! Especially the bold part

I don't know where the whining stereotype is coming from. I don't think INFPs are people who tell there story to everybody they come in contact with over and over again forgetting that you already have listened to it. At least I don't. I only trust a handful of people enough to tell them what really is going on with me. The rest will never know me. I think I can come of as whining sometimes and I think that is because I'm not heared. It is sad but reality that very few people can really listen. Most of the time when I tell my problem, the other person uses my story as a jump to start there own story completely ignoring my story, or they dismiss my problem as if it is not important or "help" me by saying something meaningless like "you should look at the bright side of life". The one thing I need and almost never get is someone who aknowlegded my problem, reminds me of my good sides/skills and enpowers me to solve it myself. Then I can drag myself out my misery without bothering others. If only one person really listens...