Indecisive. | INFJ Forum

Indecisive.

Zero

Zero

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Mar 1, 2009
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Is it normal for an infj to be completely indecisive when it comes to dating or is it just me?

I seem to have a bad habit of looking at people I would like to date and then focusing too hard on their flaws rather than base my opinions on the essentials of what I was attracted to in the first place.

It almost seems like I look at other people, become enamored with them, and then second guess myself or try to convince myself of some reason that things wouldn't work with that person. Like focusing on one particular interest they might have that I disagree with and suddenly that becomes my reason for not even trying. This always makes me believe there's something "wrong" with me. Maybe I'm too much of a perfectionist?

...or maybe I'm just too in love with myself :m027:

I dunno, anyone else do this? :|
 
I think it's INFJ thing.

When it comes to forming intimate attachments, we are very, very careful because it means allowing ourselves to become vulnerable. As such, the more pain you have endured in your past relationships, the more cautious you are likely to be.

INFJs also have foresight which allows us to see how things that others might perceive as small could turn into troublesome issues down the road. Unfortanetly, very few people you are just getting to know could pass the "Could I spend the rest of my life with this person" test. For that reason, it's important to remember that people can change and grow in a relationship.

And of course some INFJs are just a self concious lot and are more worried about looking stupid or making mistakes than finding a mate. At some point, you just have to let go of those kind of apprehensions.

The question you have to ask yourself is if you have come across anyone you find attractive. You can't force attraction. It is either there or it isn't.
 
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Satya said:
I think it's INFJ thing.

When it comes to forming intimate attachments, we are very, very careful because it means allowing ourselves to become vulnerable. As such, the more pain you have endured in your past relationships, the more cautious you are likely to be.

INFJs also have foresight which allows us to see how things that others might perceive as small could turn into troublesome issues down the road. Unfortanetly, very few people you are just getting to know could pass the "Could I spend the rest of my life with this person" test. For that reason, it's important to remember that people can change and grow in a relationship.

And of course some INFJs are just a self concious lot and are more worried about looking stupid or making mistakes than finding a mate. At some point, you just have to let go of those kind of apprehensions.

The question you have to ask yourself is if you have come across anyone you find attractive. You can't force attraction. It is either there or it isn't.
Click to expand...

X2!!! You said what I was going to say in much better ways!
 
Yup, great answer Satya.

I get like that too. I don't even bother making effort unless it's someone I am attracted to and I have little excuse not to. Also, everyone has minor flaws or things you will disagree with, but you have to be careful that, in your mind, those things are not just an excuse to not make an effort if you think things could work out.
 
im not indecisive.

i either like people or i don't.

problem being, i don't like that many people.

and it's horrible because i can find someone attractive and wonderful but still not feel a spark with them. i dont have high standards, just idealistic, in that i want love. and gosh darn it, i deserve love.

very much believe that you either like someone or you dont. so, to the OP, i guessing you dont really like the people you are dating all that much. otherwise, you'd be willing to do whatever needed to be with them.

not just be ambivalent in your dating.
 
...basically what satya said. my opinion is the same, just stated in a different way. :)
 
This is gonna sound corny, but life is a journey, not a goal. Nobody is perfect, but people grow through interaction.

Don't be afraid of making a mistake. The worst mistake is the one never made.
 
laofmoonster said:
This is gonna sound corny, but life is a journey, not a goal. Nobody is perfect, but people grow through interaction.

Don't be afraid of making a mistake. The worst mistake is the one never made.
Click to expand...

This isn't corny at all. It is the honest to god truth.
 
I've had that happen, and consequently most of my relationships have been rather short -- I've never been dumped, but have dumped at least 3 girls -- some of my relationships have been one night stands that I didnt have too much interest in pursuing. I've only genuinely felt awesome feelings about one of the girls I ever dated, but I broke it off with her because I was afraid it wouldnt work out and I would be totally hooped. In retrospect, I shouldve took the risk.

I've had a few infatuations and crushes throughout my life, and as soon as I picked up on any kind of rejection, or sense any thing that tells me she's stringing me along -- then I'd generally write off the girl. One thing that I don't want to be is a pathetic guy who falls all over a woman who he'll never have.
 
Indecisive

Like Satya, I believe it's an INFJ thing, but I would add this: unless our Ti is well-developed, we tend to analyze--even overanalyze--with our hearts. As in other areas of our lives, we can over-analyze ourselves right into paralysis.
 
anica said:
Like Satya, I believe it's an INFJ thing, but I would add this: unless our Ti is well-developed, we tend to analyze--even overanalyze--with our hearts. As in other areas of our lives, we can over-analyze ourselves right into paralysis.
Click to expand...

yeah but I'd pick paralysis over pain anyday :D
I think in a way it helps us prevent us from getting hurt. But then again, it prevents us from enjoying ourselves and preventing anything good from happening. Double edged sqord I suppose :/
 
anica said:
Like Satya, I believe it's an INFJ thing, but I would add this: unless our Ti is well-developed, we tend to analyze--even overanalyze--with our hearts. As in other areas of our lives, we can over-analyze ourselves right into paralysis.
Click to expand...

Overuse of Ti leads to withdrawal and apathy. I think its mostly the degree to which people use judging functions that causes problems.
 
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