In what world (besides these MBTI forums) are INFJs so loved?

[Koba]

I've noticed that people tend to like me more the older they get and the more I smile. I wouldn't say I'm loved, but I'm not hated either.

Actually in highschool there was a strange but somewhat large demographic of people (all in the nonadvanced/"college bound" classes) who would be friendly to me and talk to me, and make good natured jokes towards me... and I had enough experience with the bad natured ones to recognize them. My friend told me that she was talking to someone from my Latin class abouy "guy friends," and she mentioned me to someone who responded that I was sweet but that I was very odd. Heh.

I agree that the people on MBTI forums probably mostly like the idea of INFJ. I mean, what's not to like? Someone who will be considerate of your needs, even if it's different than theirs, someone who can't talk about abstract things (hmmm like MBTI), someone who has enough self control to keep their feelings in check and not be totally needy and batshit... But it's all a simplification. People who score INFJ aren't one dimensional like that, just like everyone else of course. And most people aren't the type of person who would post on a MBTI forum anyway.

 

[Wyote]

And at my age, (40s), folks have begun to see me as a weirdo/eccentric.

People saw me as a weirdo/eccentric at 12 probably, at least by 14 when I went around school wearing a chain necklace and cloth hat. It has gotten tougher with age though, since success in the world is somewhat determined by other people's perceptions of me. I get through it by living in my own head away from society's silly unspoken regulations.

 

[Koba]

What exactly is this about not being accepted that you all are talking about? Maybe you all have higher standards than I do. I don't fit in as well as most people and I don't always meet people's criteria of how people are supposed to be, but that's not normally a real problem.

 

[Azure_Knight]

It depends on the society. Introverts are more the norm in Asian cultures; it depends on where you go.

 

[tkgracie]

Hi people. I'm new on this forum and I'm an INFJ...

Anyway, I read this forum, I read the INTP & typology forums, and I'm struck by how popular and loved INFJs seem to be.

Um...I don't get this adoration in real life at all. I spend much of my time alone, and when I do make attempts to connect, I'm a disaster. Even on online forums. In fact, I fully expect all of you to hate me soon. Just give me some time...

Anyway, these forums seem to exist in some alternate world that has nothing to do with the real world and real life situations. At least for me. I'm wondering if I'm the only INFJ to encounter this.

Also, I wonder how much of this has to do with enneagram type. I'm a 4 with a 5 wing...and like INTP/5s, I can be pretty abrasive, especially when I experience absurd situations or others try to put limitations on my natural self-expression. I'm pretty split between INFJ4 and INTP5.

(Hello, I'm new here too and...) WOW, I never thought I'd meet anyone like myself, or that anyplace exsisted like this place.
I'm an INFJ. I didnt know they were loved or understood. This may be the the best place ever.!!
(and I agree, I will probably be "hated" soon as well. )

 

[Koba]

It depends on the society. Introverts are more the norm in Asian cultures; it depends on where you go.

Ha, for some reason I'm trying to figure out how to get somewhere even MORE extraverted...

 

[the]

I think the reason that INFJs are loved online is because there is no body to attach the winning personality to, as well as no body language to interpret. Plus INFJs like to read more than talk face to face.

 

[jn56uytrx]

As mentioned here, it seems INTP's seem to have some affinity for INFJ's. INFP's often seem to find INFJ's explosively agitating.

In real life I tend to not be noticed much or be a mild irritant to people due to my quiet and soft-spoken manner. I think people often find me boring, too serious, or standoffish. I'm much more well-received in a small group or one-on-one situation where my tendency to listen carefully and cater to the social needs I sense in people comes to the front. I think this is part of why I tire of being social because I seem to be received well enough in the general population if I'm doing emotional social stroking, but if I stop, then they generally lose interest. I've grown a bit cynical about "friendships" I have to compromise myself so much to maintain. Though I often still do it because there are times it's less stressful playing that game than being always on the unnoticed outskirts.

There has been the rare company where I have sensed I could be free to engage more naturally without such attentive tending to social cues. These are usually those people who present as like-minded. If I see signs of some unique insight or quirk in a person, I test the waters a bit by letting out a little of my own, checking to see if it's received favorably or with judgment and awkward discomfort.

For me the only places I think I can say I've felt appreciated for my true nature has been with family and a very few friends. My best guess of the MBTI type's of these few are INTP, INFP, ENFP, ENFJ, INFJ, ENTP. Notice a pattern?

 

[acd]

INFP's often seem to find INFJ's explosively agitating.

I don't get that at all. I basically like all types of people.
I can't imagine what an INFP would find particuliarly annoying about the INFJ. It does seem (based on my lurking at different forums.. I've heard anyone actually talk about INFJs irl and I don't know any irl) that INFJs are pretty well liked. INFPs on the other hand, seem to be the type that annoys all other types. haha.

 

[just me]

I, too, have been accused of being too serious. Can someone explain to me what that means? If being oneself is being serious most of the time, or even part of the time, why is it so difficult for others to accept? It is a pure joy to be able to share self with another, even as you stated if piecemeal. I feel loved (outside of family, very close friends, and pets) when I feel someone has a genuine yearning to hear what I am saying and gives of themself in return likewise. It may not be the same type love a lot of folk are thinking about, but it is the opposite of what I feel most of the time and I love it!

 

[jn56uytrx]

I don't get that at all. I basically like all types of people.
I can't imagine what an INFP would find particuliarly annoying about the INFJ. It does seem (based on my lurking at different forums.. I've heard anyone actually talk about INFJs irl and I don't know any irl) that INFJs are pretty well liked. INFPs on the other hand, seem to be the type that annoys all other types. haha.

It's certainly not all-inclusive. I was an active member on an INFP board for several years and had many friends there. To the best of my knowledge that dynamic was not present in my relationships. I did however observe several commentaries about INFP's feeling initial comfort in friendship with INFJ's, but then in extended relationship experiencing irritation and expressing negative judgment for their INFJ friend's characteristics.

As I recall the frustrations tended to center around Fi/Fe clashes.

 

[v.shadow]

Hi people. I'm new on this forum and I'm an INFJ...

Anyway, I read this forum, I read the INTP & typology forums, and I'm struck by how popular and loved INFJs seem to be.

Um...I don't get this adoration in real life at all. I spend much of my time alone, and when I do make attempts to connect, I'm a disaster. Even on online forums. In fact, I fully expect all of you to hate me soon. Just give me some time...

Anyway, these forums seem to exist in some alternate world that has nothing to do with the real world and real life situations. At least for me. I'm wondering if I'm the only INFJ to encounter this.

Also, I wonder how much of this has to do with enneagram type. I'm a 4 with a 5 wing...and like INTP/5s, I can be pretty abrasive, especially when I experience absurd situations or others try to put limitations on my natural self-expression. I'm pretty split between INFJ4 and INTP5.

I could have written this post!!! (are you my evil ALTER EGOO?!?)

ok that's enough. umm I'm afraid I don't have an answer for ya. I'm also highly unliked despite being an INFJ (I guess we sound "cooler" than we really are)

In real life I tend to not be noticed much or be a mild irritant to people due to my quiet and soft-spoken manner. I think people often find me boring, too serious, or standoffish. I'm much more well-received in a small group or one-on-one situation where my tendency to listen carefully and cater to the social needs I sense in people comes to the front. I think this is part of why I tire of being social because I seem to be received well enough in the general population if I'm doing emotional social stroking, but if I stop, then they generally lose interest. I've grown a bit cynical about "friendships" I have to compromise myself so much to maintain. Though I often still do it because there are times it's less stressful playing that game than being always on the unnoticed outskirts.

same here

 

[dylan]

...I want to see how INFJs manage to progress through life with a constant stream of disappointment.

I just suck it up, and go on. I console myself with the fact that the Buddha said that life is sadness, so I try not to expect more than that, and I end up pleasantly surprised by the non-disappointments. (Truthfully it's hard to remember and maintain that outlook, and I do get smacked down by disappointment time and again, but when I'm down is when I remember, so I suck it up and go on...)

I want the same things as most people - I want to be loved, I want to be in a relationship, I want comfort and stability, but I've had the hardest time getting those things.

I hear ya. I have a small circle of close friends (and my family) who "get" me, and I feel loved and valued by them (when I'm not busy second guessing myself), and that's enough for me. I don't really care if I make too many more friends (irl. This forum is a whole other level of understanding, though, and it's nice.) I wouldn't say it was difficult making those friends, the relationships progressed fairly naturally and easily, it just took a long time and a lot of patience. I built up my little circle one by one over many years. The intimate relationship / significant other has eluded me though, and that saddens me. But that brings me right back to what I said above.

I think the reason that INFJs are loved online is because there is no body to attach the winning personality to, as well as no body language to interpret. Plus INFJs like to read more than talk face to face.

Well, frankly I prefer face to face (as long as it's one-on-one or in a small group), exactly because there is body language and tone of voice and vibes to pick up on and all that... it's a more whole form of communication. I just need to feel comfortable for that to work, and that takes time. I think the reason interacting online works well (for me personally, at least) is that the distance provided by the internet is like an extra safety buffer, so I feel more protected somehow and can open up sooner than I would in an in-person relationship. I mean, there are things I've posted here that I never would have said in person given how little I really know any of you. (I mean, given the time frame, also. Eventually we might reach that point.) Part of it is blind trust (scary!), because of the very nature and purpose of this forum, but part of it is the distance (and hence safety) provided by the internet...

 

[the]

Well, frankly I prefer face to face (as long as it's one-on-one or in a small group), exactly because there is body language and tone of voice and vibes to pick up on and all that... it's a more whole form of communication. I just need to feel comfortable for that to work, and that takes time. I think the reason interacting online works well (for me personally, at least) is that the distance provided by the internet is like an extra safety buffer, so I feel more protected somehow and can open up sooner than I would in an in-person relationship. I mean, there are things I've posted here that I never would have said in person given how little I really know any of you. (I mean, given the time frame, also. Eventually we might reach that point.) Part of it is blind trust (scary!), because of the very nature and purpose of this forum, but part of it is the distance (and hence safety) provided by the internet...

It was hard to express what I really meant. Im not sure how to put it and feel bad about being blunt about it.

 

[dylan]

Don't feel bad... I wasn't taking it hard or anything (please don't mis-interpret my invocation of the word "frankly"), I was just expressing my view on why the internet seems to work well for this type of thing, even though I'd ideally prefer something else...

 

[dneecey]

In real life I tend to not be noticed much or be a mild irritant to people due to my quiet and soft-spoken manner. I think people often find me boring, too serious, or standoffish. I'm much more well-received in a small group or one-on-one situation where my tendency to listen carefully and cater to the social needs I sense in people comes to the front. I think this is part of why I tire of being social because I seem to be received well enough in the general population if I'm doing emotional social stroking, but if I stop, then they generally lose interest. I've grown a bit cynical about "friendships" I have to compromise myself so much to maintain. Though I often still do it because there are times it's less stressful playing that game than being always on the unnoticed outskirts.

There has been the rare company where I have sensed I could be free to engage more naturally without such attentive tending to social cues. These are usually those people who present as like-minded. If I see signs of some unique insight or quirk in a person, I test the waters a bit by letting out a little of my own, checking to see if it's received favorably or with judgment and awkward discomfort.

yup.

 

[Motor Jax]

I'm actually far from loved on most MBTI forums. I have a reputation for being hot headed and single minded.

i have no problems with you, Satya. i actually find it nice that you can be so direct in your questions and post replies without all the fluff and beating around the bush...

 

[Motor Jax]

i was actually looked up to, and seeked out for personal problems, moreso than my peers...

there were times that i thought that i was being used just for that, an emotional drain for others to lean on... and the pressures of that would often challenge me to withdraw within myself... but its the noble manner of the INFJ to seek out those who are hurt or emotionally distressed and assist...

... over the years, i have succumb to this seeking out as my personal gift to others... and rendered my INFJ services, free of charge...





.... hmmmm, that gives me an idea...

 

[overainbows]

I think it could be a combination of having a reputation of being deep, sensitive, but also real, and maybe cause our type is rare. I have noticed (more so for NT's anyway) that there is more of a sense of facination with us.

Yes.

I think a lot of it is the idea of the INFJ. INFJs can have some pretty fricken excellent personal qualities including depth, sensitivity to others, forsight and an ability to talk about abstract topics which may appeal to some people, especially NTs. The only reason I suppose why INFJs dont hit it off with NTs so often in real life is the sensitivity and reserve which some INFJ's (particularly those who lean more towards being enneagram 4s) which blocks communication and hinders the types from connecting on an emotional or intellectual level.

I find that personally I generally wont share my vast quantity of knowledge or ideas unless someone brings them up, then I can get rather impassioned and excited about my ideas. For the reason I suppose that I've tried to bring these kinds of things to various people and nobody would listen or care.

Exactly. I can relate to it. Specially the last part, all the times I brought up my ideas to people they wouldn't care, even when they talk about something that I really have a lot of knowledge about and would love to discuss, most of the times because of their tendency I keep quite. This leads people to think I don't like anything or that I am narrow minded and should open up to new interests... stupid.

Sometimes I see some people who seem to be like me but seems like there is a wall up around them... 2 walls then because I'm also like this. I'm an INTP 5w4 and I so know well what you're talking about.

We would be loved by ourselves in real life if it weren't so difficult to get to the point of having trust on someone and feeling comfortable around her. I'm sure you're not the only. Don't worry, you're not a flawed IN, you have the same problem of us all. :becky: Yet, I know some INFP's who I'm not that intimate of... seems like they sooner or later get over it, I never could though, I just don't connect to people.

 

[Tamagochi]

Hi people. I'm new on this forum and I'm an INFJ...

Anyway, I read this forum, I read the INTP & typology forums, and I'm struck by how popular and loved INFJs seem to be.

Um...I don't get this adoration in real life at all. I spend much of my time alone, and when I do make attempts to connect, I'm a disaster. Even on online forums. In fact, I fully expect all of you to hate me soon. Just give me some time...

Anyway, these forums seem to exist in some alternate world that has nothing to do with the real world and real life situations. At least for me. I'm wondering if I'm the only INFJ to encounter this.

OOOK here's some vivid illustration to this - at school I was the least popular guy in my class. No one ever seemed to understand nor care for me - not my classmates, not my teachers and not even my parents. I have been constantly harassed and bullied by others. I have never been loved by a girl to this day, though I've given my love countless times to them. And I have done nothing to deserve THAT kind of attitude towards me. There were a lot of times when I felt out of this world - like no matter what I do, I'll never be loved and accepted for who I truly am. And that's only a short glimpse into what means to be me.

You see, I have every f**king reason to hate the society and whine about not being loved, but I CHOOSE not to! And that's me, not my type or enneagram, speaking.

People, who have other type preferences can also give you a hundred of good reasons why they feel hated or misunderstood.

Your own words "I fully expect all of you to hate me soon" make all the difference in the world. If you set a goal to be hated, then yes, eventually you will succeed - even on this forum. It's not about us - it's all about YOU.