Hotherym
Community Member
- MBTI
- xNFU
- Enneagram
- Capricious 9w1
Ugh, god. Apologies in advance for dumping all of this when I never even visit. 
I don't even know where to start with this. I've talked briefly in one thread about my relationship that was on the rocks. Well, it ended.
That would sound like a good thing, but...
We were actually working toward something positive, I felt. We had future plans, we seemed to feel a lot for each other. But worse than that was how I fell in love with him.
Basically, before I ever really knew he existed, I started to dream of a character that, over time, I became attached to within the dreams. I had no idea that this person could be real, but it had already happened once that I dreamt of a man who I later met, so I went in for it. Unlike the other guy, this guy seemed to like me back, and I felt a deep connection within the dreams.
Unbeknownst to me, a young man messaging me had wanted to get closer to me for quite a while. I never made the connection -- besides, the dreams started before that.
And then one day he showed me his picture. I went reeling backwards and started to ask him a lot of questions I had never done before. He matched, down to his family problems. I was shaken, infatuated and also horrified. Why horrified?
Well, he was a furry. He was sexually specifically into male anthropomorphic animals.
He eventually started to tell me he could get over them, that he could like women, that he would. We met and although the first meeting was very hot, after that he could never manage to, you know, perform. I wasn't sure why, but I still think it had to do with his messed up upbringing (that led to the furries in the first place -- long story).
Anyway, over the course of the last two years, we were able to be sexual. He was very romantic, sweet, and clumsy. We got into many fights because he'd often lie to me, out of fear and shame. It drove us both into the ground, eventually.
But over Christmas I spent a lot of time with him up in Canada, and stayed for two months. It felt like love, despite our remaining problems. I had no idea what was in store and lurking.
I don't know if I pushed it into the ground or exactly what happened, but just recently he decided to dump me. His reasons are he never felt anything toward me like that and he's possibly gay, I guess because of the furries. In reality, he says he has no real attraction to anyone. It seems all his attractions are in his head and not human at that.
I love him. I feel a deep, profound connection to him I never have with anyone else, not even a previous dream man. I'm suspecting we're both INFJ. I have lost almost my entire family, my parents both dying by the time I was 19 (my dad was incapacitated since I was 13, however, from stroke), and most of my family on their way out now. Obviously, I'm traumatized and clingy, so my brain is on overdrive to find someone with whom I can be stable and raise a family. But so much about he and I was a match, aside from these problems.
Now, there's nothing I can do. I still live with my previous lover/now best friend (a guy), and I don't know what I'd do without him I love him so much. But it's like every time I try to rebuild my family, it falls apart.
It's said there's also a curse in my family, cast by my great grandmother. I don't normally believe in these things, but the way things happen to me, I'm really, really reconsidering.
I still feel this guy and I fit. There are lots of reasons I feel for it coming to this point, but I feel so strongly all of it would be worth working through, and that he and I could have a very rewarding life together if understandings were considered. He says he's not totally closed to the idea, but wants me to see it as the end, anyway. Part of me does, and the part that is still connected can't be reasoned with. I have considered and reconsidered if this is just my PTSD clinginess speaking, insanity, or just blind hope, and it just doesn't feel like it. I think those things come into play because of how I feel but are not the cause of it.
I'm extremely monogamous by nature so this makes it even more difficult. But the feeling that he was 'the one,' just that many things stood in our way, won't leave me alone. I have never, ever felt that for anyone else, and I get the strong feeling I never will. When I was 12, I lied awake one night and the realization hit me suddenly that I'd always be alone in this way, that I'd never truly connect to anyone or it would be taken away somehow.
Has anyone had anything like this? Anything along the lines of feeling like they've met a 'soul mate'? Lost soul mates? I never even believed in the junk before this. Any advice is extremely, whole-heartedly appreciated.
So, yeah. Wreck.
I don't even know where to start with this. I've talked briefly in one thread about my relationship that was on the rocks. Well, it ended.
That would sound like a good thing, but...
We were actually working toward something positive, I felt. We had future plans, we seemed to feel a lot for each other. But worse than that was how I fell in love with him.
Basically, before I ever really knew he existed, I started to dream of a character that, over time, I became attached to within the dreams. I had no idea that this person could be real, but it had already happened once that I dreamt of a man who I later met, so I went in for it. Unlike the other guy, this guy seemed to like me back, and I felt a deep connection within the dreams.
Unbeknownst to me, a young man messaging me had wanted to get closer to me for quite a while. I never made the connection -- besides, the dreams started before that.
And then one day he showed me his picture. I went reeling backwards and started to ask him a lot of questions I had never done before. He matched, down to his family problems. I was shaken, infatuated and also horrified. Why horrified?
Well, he was a furry. He was sexually specifically into male anthropomorphic animals.
He eventually started to tell me he could get over them, that he could like women, that he would. We met and although the first meeting was very hot, after that he could never manage to, you know, perform. I wasn't sure why, but I still think it had to do with his messed up upbringing (that led to the furries in the first place -- long story).
Anyway, over the course of the last two years, we were able to be sexual. He was very romantic, sweet, and clumsy. We got into many fights because he'd often lie to me, out of fear and shame. It drove us both into the ground, eventually.
But over Christmas I spent a lot of time with him up in Canada, and stayed for two months. It felt like love, despite our remaining problems. I had no idea what was in store and lurking.
I don't know if I pushed it into the ground or exactly what happened, but just recently he decided to dump me. His reasons are he never felt anything toward me like that and he's possibly gay, I guess because of the furries. In reality, he says he has no real attraction to anyone. It seems all his attractions are in his head and not human at that.
I love him. I feel a deep, profound connection to him I never have with anyone else, not even a previous dream man. I'm suspecting we're both INFJ. I have lost almost my entire family, my parents both dying by the time I was 19 (my dad was incapacitated since I was 13, however, from stroke), and most of my family on their way out now. Obviously, I'm traumatized and clingy, so my brain is on overdrive to find someone with whom I can be stable and raise a family. But so much about he and I was a match, aside from these problems.
Now, there's nothing I can do. I still live with my previous lover/now best friend (a guy), and I don't know what I'd do without him I love him so much. But it's like every time I try to rebuild my family, it falls apart.
It's said there's also a curse in my family, cast by my great grandmother. I don't normally believe in these things, but the way things happen to me, I'm really, really reconsidering.
I still feel this guy and I fit. There are lots of reasons I feel for it coming to this point, but I feel so strongly all of it would be worth working through, and that he and I could have a very rewarding life together if understandings were considered. He says he's not totally closed to the idea, but wants me to see it as the end, anyway. Part of me does, and the part that is still connected can't be reasoned with. I have considered and reconsidered if this is just my PTSD clinginess speaking, insanity, or just blind hope, and it just doesn't feel like it. I think those things come into play because of how I feel but are not the cause of it.
I'm extremely monogamous by nature so this makes it even more difficult. But the feeling that he was 'the one,' just that many things stood in our way, won't leave me alone. I have never, ever felt that for anyone else, and I get the strong feeling I never will. When I was 12, I lied awake one night and the realization hit me suddenly that I'd always be alone in this way, that I'd never truly connect to anyone or it would be taken away somehow.
Has anyone had anything like this? Anything along the lines of feeling like they've met a 'soul mate'? Lost soul mates? I never even believed in the junk before this. Any advice is extremely, whole-heartedly appreciated.
So, yeah. Wreck.
