I don't even belong with other INFP/J 's ? | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

I don't even belong with other INFP/J 's ?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by poeticinfp, Mar 22, 2009.

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  1. just me

    just me Listening and waiting.

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    I hope this is not off topic, but it is all too easy to sit and type one's heart out on a keyboard when one has been keeping one's words inside oneself so long. The people we tend to interact with are so minimal in real life compared to the internet. I say things here I would dare not say in real life to but a very, very one or two people. Someone could easily see me differently in real life than the way they might imagine me to be from what I type. HOWEVER,
    I have found it quite easy to interact with people on the internet versus in real life. I would go out on a limb and say people I have connected with here I would connect with in real life(silence while I ponder that). Well, maybe it would be easier if I knew their username and could relate to all the things they said from the safety of their keyboard. Maybe we would never give each other the time to talk much any other way in real life. I can certainly understand how one might have great expectations(yes, I stole that) from reading posts on the internet only to have them blown away by a windstorm in real life. I actually think typing to others on this site so much easier when we have things in common. It seems we are all interested in better understanding self so we might better understand others. We have a common bond in that. I call it reaching out. Some may call it reaching within, and I could entertain that thought quite readily.
    Edit to add I don't do chat rooms well, either; and it's not just the fact I type with two fingers.


     
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    #21 just me, Mar 23, 2009
    Last edited: Mar 23, 2009
  2. Milon

    Milon Director of Glomps
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    I'm going to add to what Just Me said.

    It's not just that it's easier to post online when no one knows who you really are. It's that I also don't know who anyone else is. I'm quick to judge people based on appearances. :( But online, there's no "appearances" - all I see is the text you write, and whatever you choose your avatar to be. You can think about your response as long as you like and craft it just so. It's easier online because it's harder to judge. I'm sure that I'm friends with people online who I wouldn't have reached out to in real life - just because I judge appearances. To bring this back on topic, I find it easier to connect with people online usually. Especially here! There's an unspoken arrangement or something that allows people to discuss deep things frankly and openly here. People are accepting! I love that about this place, these people! ^_^

    Also, when I'm typing, I'm alone. I can be introverted in this wonderful crowd! :D
     
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  3. OP
    poeticinfp

    poeticinfp Newbie

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    Maybe we are doomed to be the observers in life ? On my good days, I am able to look at it as a blessing because it's funny to watch people play out these ridiculous social games that they themselves might be unaware of :) but most of the time it just makes me depressed.


    So what I gather is that chat rooms, real life are often simply inappropriate mediums for the kind of deep interaction that we seek. On a forum post we can edit and re-edit before we click submit but it doesn't work that way in other mediums.

    I have combined what I said in this thread with what was said in the thread called "I don't want friends do I?" and I think I've got a fairly good picture of why my experiences have been as they were.

    If you consider our high expectations, our craving for deep, meaningful interaction, isn't that an enormous amount of pressure for both parties in a potential friendship ?

    Our strong expectations will cause us to 1) see things that are NOT there (identifying with a forum post that might have meant something completely different to the author of the post) and 2) to miss things that ARE there (just like Milon, I have a tendency to dismiss people based on appearance, and I don't like this about myself :()
     
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    #23 poeticinfp, Mar 23, 2009
    Last edited: Mar 23, 2009
  4. jn56uytrx

    jn56uytrx Well-known member

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    Agreed! I've only had the kind of interactions I've had with people on the internet with a very few special people in real life.

    I do still worry a bit there is the temptation, for me at least, to online think I'm having great interaction and understanding with another, when instead I'm truly just lacking the feedback in person interaction would provide to see I'm not actually being understood or that I've not understood. I do think online communication can have a related advantage over in person communication though. Online the communication can be pared down to only intentional communication. Sometimes in real life communication can be overwhelmed with feedback signals, and responses to these unintentional signals can misdirect an interaction.

    Overall thoughtfully written expression seems such a more fluent medium of communication for me and a place like a forum that's designed around written communication has proved a much better place to connect with people willing to engage in the ways I value so much.
     
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  5. firehotemily

    firehotemily Community Member

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    I don't think one person is ONE certain personality in everything they do....one day you can be an ENTJ the next you could be an INFP...sometimes it depends on the situation/day/environment you're in that changes how you act...but i guess the personality you act the most continually and over time is the personality you are most likely to be.
     
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  6. jn56uytrx

    jn56uytrx Well-known member

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    poetic, forgive me, but I felt a pull to sidestep your set-out direction a bit to acknowledge this post because I had much resonance with it.

    VChosenOne, I was not a great student in school. I am very sensitive to "N" conversations that relate it to intelligence. I have no idea my intelligence, but I do know that I was a quiet, lost in the pack kind of student who didn't draw anyone's attention for much of my academic career. (I did blossom a bit later on in life, but it was largely due to concentrated effort and I still bear a sense of self as being very mediocre in terms of "smarts")

    I love that you spoke what you did about looking up "big" words. I met my love online and in part he expressed enjoying my writing. I feel somewhat badly about the fact that in person I can never find the right words and that my communication is much more stumbling and pedestrian than what with effort I can work to create online. I usually have a sense there's a perfect word for what I want to say, but it's often obscured when I need it. I know enough to know when I haven't found the right word, but it takes me time and effort to find it. I'll pull up the dictionary while I'm writing to look up meanings when I'm up to the effort.

    I love learning too, but dislike the social politics that are part of a community learning environment. I've slowly been making peace with it as a valuable part of the learning process even if it stresses.

    As for thread killing, I agree that certainly all threads will come to a natural end at some point and someone will have to be the last poster--sometimes that will be you. I guess it's true that sometimes an off-the-mark comment may slow a thread, but I agree that almost all deaths are natural deaths with many hands helping in the hospice care.
     
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    #26 jn56uytrx, Mar 26, 2009
    Last edited: Mar 26, 2009
  7. Milon

    Milon Director of Glomps
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    You're right. MBTI merely shows cognitive function preference. See Von Hase's word wall for a LOT more info. ^_^
     
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  8. Lurker

    Lurker Has nothing to destroy
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    Interesting you feel that way, for me the opposite is true, banter is how I get to know people and therefore connect, this then leads on to more serious or personal conversations but it always starts light.
     
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  9. sleepycloud

    sleepycloud Regular Poster

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    You aren't alone! I read this board and feel as though most of the insightful stuff has already been said and I don't want to be quoting everything I agree with just to point out I agree. For awhile this depressed me, I wanted to read the board updates but couldn't bring myself to! This is kind of embarrassing but I do have e-four envy issues- they're not always bitter, but if I desire to possess a strength of someone else's, as much as I would want to learn from them and humble myself to them, I'd feel a strong urge to pull away for awhile and detach my sense of self from my worth in relation to others. I also pull away at intervals after my posts start to embarrass me (I know, ridiculous since I don't even know you guys but it's because even a post like this is sharing more than I normally would irl). That's why I can never stick around long enough to 'belong' in a forum. I'm open to the possibility at first- I'm always looking for new forums to sign up to but I'm usually so unsatisfied with my posts I end up leaving. Personality forums especially are a more appropriate medium for you to jump right in with personal disclosure but the discomfort might be due to partaking in a counterintuitive approach to the type of connecting I would've resisted in real life due to fear of rejection and retaining those feelings. Forums are still a social arena and although I'm more self-expressive online, I think IMs and blogs are easier. I'm so much more comfortable in intimate settings online or offline.

    On top of the impression of information overload in terms of time and effort needed to respond at that level, my experience of this forum and typology central feels more like reading a good book than a comfortable medium for me to express myself, which can be frustrating since I don't have many friends in real life and like any other infj, wish very much to connect. It's mood dependent though, sometimes I'm at peace with lurker tendencies and start to doubt the solidarity of this reoccuring "void" since I'm not completely deprived of people contact. (hence the coming and going).

    Having a hard time connecting may be linked to instinctual variants. There's one theory they have a greater bearing than type in relationships. I'm sx last so it's kind of awkward for me to respond in ways that actively engage that connection even on forums. I'm not academic or intellectual either.. I can try but I'm so much better at talking about myself 0.o
     
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  10. Milon

    Milon Director of Glomps
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    Well I think you've both contributed to the forums, and I hope you continue to do so. ^_^

    Do you feel like you have to be amazing to be accepted? That must really suck! :(

    I want people to notice me. I really want that. Probably because I didn't feel noticed as a child, always overlooked and left out. I'm trying to say that I understand the urge to do something great so that people look up to me and admire and respect me. But that's just trying to gain acceptance by the things you do. I'd rather be accepted because of who I am. Don't be intimidated to post. Look at my posts! Most of them aren't deep or witty - they're just silly one-liners. But I'm accepted here (well, I think I am, lol!). I'm just honest about who I am. The other people here are really awesome and accepting.

    See sleepycloud? That wasn't amazing or deep, and I really just talked about myself. ;)

    And VChosenOne, this thread isn't dead, though I did derail it quite a bit! :D
     
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