I don't even belong with other INFP/J 's ? | INFJ Forum

I don't even belong with other INFP/J 's ?

poeticinfp

poeticinfp

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Mar 22, 2009
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I have read the sticky thread above about the feeling of not belonging even if you're surrounded by family, friends, and co-workers.

I am in college now and this kind of feeling is most painful during college because of the peculiar setting and being at that age where people search for their sense of identity.

The thing is I don't think I belong with other INFP or possibly J. And it's a very peculiar thing.

I am able to identify with the posts on the INFP website. I can read through posts that make me go "Oh, my goodness, I can't believe someone else thought/felt/experienced that ! I thought I was an alien stranded on this planet!"

I am able to read posts where I felt like the person took my words right out of my mouth.

But when I over to the chatroom, and started talking to people, I realized how different I am from them. People in the chat room engage in online banter which to me is analogous to what ESXX people do in real life when they engage in small talk in terms of the chaotic flow, the bubbly, over-excited atmosphere.

It's not just chat though. I've been PM'ing some people and visiting their websites etc. and I'm just not really seeing any of the idealism or compassion that our type is supposed to have. I'm feeling like I have nothing in connecton with these people even though these are the same people that make the posts that make me say "me too!"

Why is that I can identify with people on the forum posts, but when it comes to they themselves I don't feel connected to them at all ?

Is it soemthing about the nature of forum posts that causes this ?

Are forum posts meant to be detached and theoretical and therefore don't say anything about the person him/herself ?
 
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Are you sure you're an INFP? Maybe you're an INFJ. It's really hard to tell the difference some times! I encourage you to read around here and see how many things click. I'm an INFJ, and I'm by no means a mirror of anyone else here. But they get me... I think. :wink:

Have a look at the member blogs especially. You'll see the inner workings of various memebrs here.
 
Milon said:
Are you sure you're an INFP? Maybe you're an INFJ. It's really hard to tell the difference some times! I encourage you to read around here and see how many things click. I'm an INFJ, and I'm by no means a mirror of anyone else here. But they get me... I think. :wink:

Have a look at the member blogs especially. You'll see the inner workings of various memebrs here.
Click to expand...


Yeah I possibly could be INFJ. I've already been reading around here and once again many things do click. But I'm afraid that the same thing is going to happen: Despite identifying strongly with the forum posts, maybe I still won't really be able to identify with the people themselves.

P.S. As an aside, I've been looking at your photo album Milon and I strongly identify with that.
 
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People usually put more thought into letters or forums than they do into conversations or chat rooms. With forums, you have time to think about what you are going to say, unlike chat rooms. That may be why you have trouble feeling connected to people in the more quick paced means of communication.

The other possibility is that you just have a hard time feeling connected to people regardless. Are you always searching for and expecting it?

I know what you mean though by ESXX banter. That stuff kills me. How can people say so much about nothing?
 
I think you need to engage people more and they will respond to you. Like your doing now. It takes time to develop friendships here. Some people you really get along with others they have to grow on you. In the end it really is up to you to make things happen. I could have just read your post and not responded. I too have found that online interaction is much different than in person. And that is a good thing. The nice thing is you can retract back into your hole and stick your head out when your ready..
 
poeticinfp said:
P.S. As an aside, I've been looking at your photo album Milon and I strongly identify with that.
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Interesting you should say that. I'm going to respond by quoting a Visitor Message that was left for me. (You can see it yourself if you go to my profile.)
Flavus Aquila said:
Very INFJ - it has been pointed out to me that my photo albums almost never have people in them; and that the pictures alternate between things with small details and large panoramic shots.
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Those are the sorts of things INFJ's usually take pictures of. :D
 
Milon said:
Interesting you should say that. I'm going to respond by quoting a Visitor Message that was left for me. (You can see it yourself if you go to my profile.)

Those are the sorts of things INFJ's usually take pictures of. :D
Click to expand...

Yup. my camera is filled with pictures of clouds, sunrises/sunsets,atmospeheric nature scenes, trees (autumn leaves), frozen brooks/waterfalls in winter. But mainly clouds. Very few people in them.
 
Dragon said:
People usually put more thought into letters or forums than they do into conversations or chat rooms. With forums, you have time to think about what you are going to say, unlike chat rooms. That may be why you have trouble feeling connected to people in the more quick paced means of communication.

The other possibility is that you just have a hard time feeling connected to people regardless. Are you always searching for and expecting it?

I know what you mean though by ESXX banter. That stuff kills me. How can people say so much about nothing?
Click to expand...

I think it's a combination of both posibilites.

You're right in saying that the fast paced nature of chats doesn't really suit me although I do love a good debate, and I've had a couple good ones in there.

But usually it's just banter, which I have a really hard time participating in. I do have a sense of humor, and could stay home all day watching standup comedy, but the kind of light-hearted banter in chat rooms/small talk in real life doesn't really appeal to me for some reason.

And I usually have trouble felling connected to people in the sense that it ends up being a one way street. I care immensely about people on the inside but it never really seems like the feeling is mutual. Then again, I could just be an insufferable douchebag and not know it. *sigh*
 
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poeticinfp said:
Yeah I possibly could be INFJ. I've already been reading around here and once again many things do click. But I'm afraid that the same thing is going to happen: Despite identifying strongly with the forum posts, maybe I still won't really be able to identify with the people themselves.
Click to expand...

First, on the chat topic, I tend to kill chats because I don't do well at or enjoy quick and superficial conversation. I will enter, hang quietly in the background, finally see somebody write something that intrigues me, and then write some monstrously long and terribly inappropriate to the chat environment response. Depending on the company, I'll be ignored or I'll end up in a lovely dyadic conversation amid all the chatter. Usually I'm ignored. I don't go to chat often. :)

I sometimes like to condemn myself with the judgment that I'm boring and dull because I have certain communicative proclivities, but then in more generous moods, I recognize I'm just a certain kind of expression and some will value it and some will not, just as I tend to value certain types of conversation and not others. It's not about inherent worth, just about what's valued by a certain audience.

On finding connection with posts, is it possible the distance of a few expressions in carefully constructed internet forum posts leaves enough room around whatever you admire or connect with for you to construct what you want/need to see in that available space? As you engage further and find out more about the people perhaps they turn out to be their own complex people who have elements you would not have chosen for them in your imagination? I'm not sure if I've explained that correctly, but I fear that the room left for imagination in a few posts from behind the screen of a computer is great enough to cause disappointment when more than a superficial hologram of a real person slowly emerges and shatters a jointly created illusion.

INFJ or INFP, you are like no one else. I'm guessing you know this in an outer layer of understanding, but perhaps some inner part of you is still hoping for the affirmation of seeing your reflection in someone else?
 
tovlo said:
I will enter, hang quietly in the background, finally see somebody write something that intrigues me, and then write some monstrously long and terribly inappropriate to the chat environment response.
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LOL. Sorry, but that's too funny because it's so true for me as well.

tovlo said:
I sometimes like to condemn myself with the judgment that I'm boring and dull because I have certain communicative proclivities, but then in more generous moods, I recognize I'm just a certain kind of expression and some will value it and some will not, just as I tend to value certain types of conversation and not others. It's not about inherent worth, just about what's valued by a certain audience.
Click to expand...

I beat myself up to a bloody pulp all the time. I'm very glad that you gained that perspective. Hopefully you have overcome the whole beating yourself up thing via this perspective.

tovlo said:
On finding connection with posts, is it possible the distance of a few expressions in carefully constructed internet forum posts leaves enough room around whatever you admire or connect with for you to construct what you want/need to see in that available space?

As you engage further and find out more about the people perhaps they turn out to be their own complex people who have elements you would not have chosen for them in your imagination? I'm not sure if I've explained that correctly, but I fear that the room left for imagination in a few posts from behind the screen of a computer is great enough to cause disappointment when more than a superficial hologram of a real person slowly emerges and shatters a jointly created illusion.
Click to expand...

I understand you perfectly. I think you've hit the nail on the head in terms of explaining why one can identify with forum posts but still be unable to relate to the person in other mediums of communication.

It again goes back to this internal world that we INF's have and how easy it is for us to let our imaginations fill in the gap of that distance between the forum post and the real person behind the screen. By filling in that gap, we could construct a sense of connection that might not really be there.

tovlo said:
INFJ or INFP, you are like no one else. I'm guessing you know this in an outer layer of understanding, but perhaps some inner part of you is still hoping for the affirmation of seeing your reflection in someone else?
Click to expand...

Truth. I won't even paraphrase what you said because I can't do a better job of expressing that concept.
 
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For some reason I feel like I relate to this, small talk never really flows for me, no matter who the company is.
 
First off, welcome to the boards! :D You'll fit in on here in no time flat. The good news is, we're not just INFJs here. We're also INFPs, INTPs, ENTPs, INTJs, ISTJs, ISTPs, and a few others sprinkled for fun. As for chit chat...well, it's mostly an introvert thing for people who don't enjoy chit chat, but some introverts like chit-chat more than others. We're all different degrees of our personalities. I happen to think ISFJs are very chatty folk. ;)

If you're still debating if you're an INFP or an INFJ I strongly suggest you read this thread: http://forum.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=662 It's chock full of great info comparing the two.

Good luck, and have fun!
 
I understand where you are coming from Poet, I am an INFJ,but I feel as though I just do not understand what some poster here are talking about. I am not book smart. I graduated from the school of life. Have the time I look up "big words" on dictionary.com. I know some,but other I do not,but I enjoy learning them.

They say that we are good in school. I never was, I hated it..but it wasn't just the learning part,it was the whole process of getting up early,crowds of people,the clicks..etc...

I lurk a lot because I feel as though I do not have something "smart" to say. Though I have always been the one to sit on the side and watch/listen to other people.

I seem to be a thread killer *shrugs*
 
About to say something silly:
Perhaps we don't interact or click easily because we are introverts.

Extrovert/Extrovert - few communication barriers.
Extrovert/Introvert - communication barriers on the side of the introvert.
Introvert/Introvert - communication barriers from both parties.
 
Haha I love that, perfect!
 
I seriously doubt it's your responses, most threads simply die when they've run their course, it's hard for one poster to change that unless they're making a huge impact.
 
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