Chessie
Community Member
- MBTI
- INfJ
I'm...well, honestly, probably a bit in shock at the moment. I figure that 'Hey, a bunch of INFJ's...there really aren't many people who are better to tell me if I'm being unwise or feeling wronged and being silly.'
The situation is pretty simple. My boyfriend for the last year and I have just ended our relationship. A year ago he moved in with me. He and his wife (a male to female transexual. My boyfriend is a female to male transexual. Honestly, it doesn't play into this much) had been having incredible communications problems. He is an INFJ and his wife is an INTJ. No surprise there.
They'd been married roughly four years and their relationship had slowly degraded to the point of near total non-communication. Salem moved in with me (A move from Florida to Wisconsin) and I advocated heavily for them to stay together and try to work through their differences. His wife stayed there. Literally every person in his life besides myself has at one time or another during the last year told him to end his marriage.
His wife, Christine, is sweet and likable and almost totally logical.
Two weeks ago Salem was considering a divorce. They'd had a visit planned for Christine to come up and visit us for some months and see what life up here was like but she wouldn't give a timeframe for potentially moving up to join Salem and had indicated a total dislike of the weather and environment. Still, despite these plans their relationship continued to degrade.
I still fought tooth and nail for them to keep it as long as they could because I believed Bunny had something important to contribute to Salem's life and if given enough time, I felt sure they could come to some kind of terms that made sense. I'm a polyamorous person and that's pretty much how I operate. I do whatever I can for my mate.
So, Christine comes up to visit.
During this week, I have pneumonia. Pretty nasty. Still, Salem's affection for me dries up entirely. He starts behaving like he can't wait for hugs to end and he won't meet my eyes.
Today he announces that he's going to be living with Christine as soon as she moves up here and wants to do a 'dual household' arrangement...except I would of course have to get another room-mate, re-arrange my finances entirely, take him off my insurance, and re-negotiate our lease. He wants to be able to 'spend time' with me and live with his wife. Yes, the same wife he was about to divorce two weeks ago. Same wife who put him 1100 dollars in debt and who is herself 16k in debt because she spends money like water.
His reason is conversations they had while Christine was here that somehow changed his outlook 180 degrees. Christine, it should be noted, is a world class people pleaser. She likes to be liked a little more than is healthy. They met in a cult. I wish I were kidding.
I'm trying mentally to work through this but pretty much all I can feel right now is anger. I feel deeply betrayed and I'm still kind of unsure how to respond except more anger and I am not an angry person generally. Anger is not a common emotion for me. I'm not even sure if I'm doing it correctly or if this is a situation that warrants it.
The situation is pretty simple. My boyfriend for the last year and I have just ended our relationship. A year ago he moved in with me. He and his wife (a male to female transexual. My boyfriend is a female to male transexual. Honestly, it doesn't play into this much) had been having incredible communications problems. He is an INFJ and his wife is an INTJ. No surprise there.
They'd been married roughly four years and their relationship had slowly degraded to the point of near total non-communication. Salem moved in with me (A move from Florida to Wisconsin) and I advocated heavily for them to stay together and try to work through their differences. His wife stayed there. Literally every person in his life besides myself has at one time or another during the last year told him to end his marriage.
His wife, Christine, is sweet and likable and almost totally logical.
Two weeks ago Salem was considering a divorce. They'd had a visit planned for Christine to come up and visit us for some months and see what life up here was like but she wouldn't give a timeframe for potentially moving up to join Salem and had indicated a total dislike of the weather and environment. Still, despite these plans their relationship continued to degrade.
I still fought tooth and nail for them to keep it as long as they could because I believed Bunny had something important to contribute to Salem's life and if given enough time, I felt sure they could come to some kind of terms that made sense. I'm a polyamorous person and that's pretty much how I operate. I do whatever I can for my mate.
So, Christine comes up to visit.
During this week, I have pneumonia. Pretty nasty. Still, Salem's affection for me dries up entirely. He starts behaving like he can't wait for hugs to end and he won't meet my eyes.
Today he announces that he's going to be living with Christine as soon as she moves up here and wants to do a 'dual household' arrangement...except I would of course have to get another room-mate, re-arrange my finances entirely, take him off my insurance, and re-negotiate our lease. He wants to be able to 'spend time' with me and live with his wife. Yes, the same wife he was about to divorce two weeks ago. Same wife who put him 1100 dollars in debt and who is herself 16k in debt because she spends money like water.
His reason is conversations they had while Christine was here that somehow changed his outlook 180 degrees. Christine, it should be noted, is a world class people pleaser. She likes to be liked a little more than is healthy. They met in a cult. I wish I were kidding.
I'm trying mentally to work through this but pretty much all I can feel right now is anger. I feel deeply betrayed and I'm still kind of unsure how to respond except more anger and I am not an angry person generally. Anger is not a common emotion for me. I'm not even sure if I'm doing it correctly or if this is a situation that warrants it.
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