every five years i look back and see how full of shit i was, and how far i've come in those five years. then i laugh knowing that in five years i will look back to this time and see how full of shit i was....and so it goes
Pretty much this. Even three years ago I was a douche. Two years ago. One year ago. Next year I'll look back and think the same thing. At 30, who knows? I just hope by 30, provided I make it to 30, I have a greater level of fulfillment... time is ticking away.
If I felt the same way I wouldn't make it to 30, I tried to off myself two days ago, keep feeling like this and it's bound to happen again. SO LET'S HOPE FOR SOME CHANGES!You'll probably still feel as you do today. Just older. Funny how that works.
But I do hope you no longer see yourself as a douche. lol.
If I felt the same way I wouldn't make it to 30, I tried to off myself two days ago, keep feeling like this and it's bound to happen again. SO LET'S HOPE FOR SOME CHANGES!
I am very excited about getting older. I was reading Aristotle's Rhetoric awhile ago, and he talked about how people reach their highest form around middle age, which makes sense to me- their ideas are developed so they are at the height of their prowess, they are not caught up in petty games [hopefully] and if they have maintained their health then they will be more sexually experienced and confident.
0-9: I don't know or care about what others think about me-- life is good. I want to grow up and have a good job and a wife and kids.
10-23: What others think about things is more important to me than what I think about things. Think I still want marriage and children but it looks like it might be harder than I thought.
24-26: Crisis. No marriage? No children? No job? No future? LOSER.
27-30: Self-discovery-- exploring, making up for all the wasted time in my late teens/early 20s… so very incredibly happy that I'm not married and don't have kids… pay off debts, start saving, spend lots on vacations while I'm still young enough to enjoy it… cuz why the hell not?
31-33: Now I don't know or care about what others think about me-- I know what I like and I know what I want… not sure how to find it. Understand more about what life is. Overall, I'm alright… but could stand to be better… still not sure about kids, but married would be better.
34-45: I'm hoping things will get better… I do need to watch my health, though… but yeah, I'm hoping for good things. I also want to make a film at some point.
45-60: Hopefully I'll be doing something on my own… probably a small business somewhere in SE Asia.
60-death: Lots of meditation, and keep pushing myself until I'm dead-- hopefully go into outer space at least once. No hospitals for me.
I am very excited about getting older. I was reading Aristotle's Rhetoric awhile ago, and he talked about how people reach their highest form around middle age, which makes sense to me- their ideas are developed so they are at the height of their prowess, they are not caught up in petty games [hopefully] and if they have maintained their health then they will be more sexually experienced and confident. They also, hopefully, have built up a household, and in that sense have a solid foundation. This is the hope. I have seen people become more unhealthy or stagnant, but that is usually because they cling tight to identity constructs that are outdated and negative.
I hope, when I am older to have a career as a professor, to be able to speak eloquently and be unafraid to take risks, to have a beautiful house, to continue to be in the relationship I am in now. Currently, it seems like it might be an unrealistic goal to become a professor, as I can't afford schooling, but I think my experience in the "real world" will help me greatly before deciding to plunge into the world of academia.
I want to be an old person who does not close myself off to the world, but who helps younger people make the journey.
The only thing I am unsure about and that still scares me is the idea of having kids. But there is plenty of time to think about that while I am on my journey. I am very much split on the subject. I have a loving partner, and think that we would be able to have children, but because of my past and my family history, I am afraid of having kids because it makes me vulnerable. I want to be able to focus on a career and not be held back by familial obligation. At the same time, I think that later in life, it would be invaluable to have relationships with grandchildren and children.