How do you know you love someone? | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

How do you know you love someone?

When even after that person and i parted ways, that even if there were moments where i hated her, i still feel the need to be close to her and to know if shes alright. I dont like love, but even if i try to believe that i dont love that person, i just cant fool myself!

Other hint, that even if that person hurts you and betrays you agan and again you still arent able yo stop thinking about their well being then you surely love that person, sadly.

But i think love is a different thing for every person, maybe love doesnt really exist at all.
 
Sai said:
When even after that person and i parted ways, that even if there were moments where i hated her, i still feel the need to be close to her and to know if shes alright. I dont like love, but even if i try to believe that i dont love that person, i just cant fool myself!

Other hint, that even if that person hurts you and betrays you agan and again you still arent able yo stop thinking about their well being then you surely love that person, sadly.
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Exactly. This is what many people don't understand about love. You still want to be there, you still care even if it doesn't work out and you're no longer with them. There's still a part of you that wants them, wants to be with them, or at least cares about what happens to them. You don't simply stop caring for them because they quit being a good partner. It even wants you to be there for them even if they're not there for you. That's love.
 
Cedar said:
Exactly. This is what many people don't understand about love. You still want to be there, you still care even if it doesn't work out and you're no longer with them. There's still a part of you that wants them, wants to be with them, or at least cares about what happens to them. You don't simply stop caring for them because they quit being a good partner. It even wants you to be there for them even if they're not there for you. That's love.
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maybe thats love for us, friend. Ive learned that love is much so different depending on each person. For a few its like you say, for others is much more selfish and brief. But who are we to say that they dont love? i really think that love is not an universal thing but an individual and different experience to each person.
 
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Sai said:
maybe thats love for us, friend. Ive learned that love is much so different depending on each person. For a few its like you say, for others is much more selfish and brief. But who are we to say that they dont love? i really think that love is not an universal thing but an individual and different experience to each person.
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I understand what you mean, but I have a difficult time believing that feelings which come and go, and disappear just like that is love. I think too many want to feel that every intense or overwhelming experience they have with someone is love when it's just infatuation or lust, or something else. If the feeling simply goes away when you're no longer getting what you need from the person, I doubt that's love.
 
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Cedar said:
You don't simply stop caring for them because they quit being a good partner. It even wants you to be there for them even if they're not there for you. That's love.
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Yes, there is difference between finding good partner and love.
 
I feel compelled to post this here . . . :D

[video=youtube;ltIhcbwYUHc]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltIhcbwYUHc[/video]
 
I understand the type of love we must be discussing to be in marriage or relationships.

We can, over many years, let several types of love blend into a general type of love where we care for others. It is easy to say we love someone and actually love them. Yes, we can actually rob ourselves of the love we know is out there and we need by loving someone. That is hard, but true. Sai mentioned being hurt over and over again: some people get hurt easier than others. Even then, it is unfair to allow someone else to hurt us over and over again. When we do, we may just wake up one day and find ourselves set aside from their lives. We may be abandoned. We may look back at all the years we might label as being wasted. We may feel foolish and stupid. However, we must have made a choice somewhere along the line to stay and be hurt. We possibly hurt them, also: whether knowingly or unknowingly, but they must have chosen somewhere along the line to love us.

I remember the feelings I got when I was first in love. They were wierd and turbid, yet a most wonderful feeling. I knew. It made me act differently, too. Being hurt over and over again reminds me of a tale I heard at church decades ago. After awhile, it reasons with our mind and shadows our judgment. We can become obtrusive, telling our own selves things we do not want to hear. Love makes us do things we normally would not do.

The story was about a mother and daughter, the latter of which kept hurting the mother over the years. Every time the mother was hurt, she would go behind the barn and nail a nail in the wall of the barn: hidden from others' view. Many nails were nailed next to each other. Every now and then, the daughter would do or say something that would ease the pain. The mother would remove a nail. The daughter found the spot many years later and asked her mother what is was. The mother told her what she had been doing with the nails. By this time, the nails had mostly been removed. The daughter asked about all the holes in the barn and what was going to become of them. The mother stated a nail could be removed, but the scars remained. The way I see it, anyone continually hurting another has either lost their true love to an extent, or has a problem they do not see. The infj rushes in to help.

We learn to live with mere human frailties and discern we are not perfect, living in an unperfected world. It is a fortunate person that finds true love and lives beyond the nails in the barn and holes they make. I wish true love for all, and understanding from your partners.
 
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Love...love feels like that special someone has reached into my chest and wrapped their lovely fingers around my heart. When you think about them it could be all warm and fuzzy or feel like they are gripping tightly and wrenching from side to side, depending on contextual situation.
 
Sai said:
even if that person hurts you and betrays you agan and again you still arent able yo stop thinking about their well being then you surely love that person, sadly.
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This is most certainly not love.
 
Cedar said:
How did you recognize you really loved someone separate from any other intimate or close feeling you've had? What changed in how you felt, behaved, or responded? What was different that made you say, "yeah, I love this person"?
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You feel it in your gut. You just know.
 
CindyLou said:
I knew I loved her when I stopped rolling down my window driving over the river.
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I beg to differ. He rolls down my window while we are approaching a sprinkler shooting into the street. It's love when I duck and he ends up wet.
 
I'd apply the following to friends, family and s.o's.

When they do something that makes me think "Goddammit!" and then a few seconds later I think "....goddammit" and I can't help but to smile inwardly.
 
Cedar said:
How did you recognize you really loved someone separate from any other intimate or close feeling you've had? What changed in how you felt, behaved, or responded? What was different that made you say, "yeah, I love this person"?
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It's hard to describe. You see that entire person and like the entirety of who they are, and you feel the same about them, and you trust them in a holistic way.
 
it's a 'knowing' feeling more than an emotional feeling for me. things click. that's the only way i can think of at the moment to describe it. i just know that this is the person i want to journey with.

in my life, love doesn't mean the relationship is necessarily a forever thing. i have loved and walked away as well. not taking anything away from the relationship and the feelings i had for the person, a part of me still loves them.

i've been told it's strange that i have no attachment to people or things, but i truly don't and i never have. i am uncomfortable with those who miss me or ask if i've missed them. uh no i'm enjoying my me time, thanks!

after typing this out i've come to realize that i'm becoming a cold hearted old bitch. i need to go hug someone.
 
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People have already put it much better than I can - love is a strange concept. Sometimes it comes quickly for me, other times it can take weeks to develop.

I remember this one girl I saw once in Ireland, who was waiting for a bus with a "deer caught in headlights"/sad look about her. I just remember her eyes being extremely deep, almost telling a novel with just one look. I was immediately taken aback by her, and I don't think that I will ever forget her. Anyways, I didn't talk to her because I was a chicken, and I didn't know what to say to her. I never saw her again. I don't know if that qualifies as love, but as it's now more than 14 months ago, and I still remember her vividly, I think it might be.

Other times it comes over the time I get to know someone. It never seems to be the same.
 
I think it's a weird feeling you get for someone which you can't explain or even fully understand. Sometimes, you just feel it and may not even know why. It's an involuntary pull towards someone that makes you want them more anything else.
 
When you can imagine them old, wrinkly, and hairy and that doesn't scare you off.
Ideally we meet someone who we can grow old with, so thats a good test: look at your boyfriend or girlfriend and try to imagine them as an old HAG. LMAO!


-Anna
 
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