How do you know you love someone? | INFJ Forum

How do you know you love someone?

Gaze

Donor
Sep 5, 2009
28,265
44,748
1,906
MBTI
INFPishy
How did you recognize you really loved someone separate from any other intimate or close feeling you've had? What changed in how you felt, behaved, or responded? What was different that made you say, "yeah, I love this person"?
 
I don't think love is a feeling, "love" as its used today is a few dozen feelings all twisted together. So for me, love is less of a feeling and more of a decision. In the purest sense to me love is a choice, because I know I can be with many different people and be just as satisfied, so in that sense for me love is coming to a decision that this particular person is the one that I want to give up all my other options and choices for to focus on and let into my life in a deep and meaningful way.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Gaze
Don't have a clue. I thought I knew, but not any more. Yes, it is decision, but it must be based on something. On what? On feelings, reason, both, intuition...?
Is it really romantic love so important as we made it? Music, literature, movies...all about love. Is it worth it? Do we expect more than most of us can get?
 
I knew I loved her when I stopped rolling down my window driving over the river.
 
My Magic 8-Ball told me "All signs point to yes".
 
When I realized that I don't want to be without her. Not that I need her to live, but rather that it makes the shitty parts of life that much more bearable. I wouldn't want to entertain the thought of being without her, but I'm sure I could get by somehow, it just would suck--a lot. I'm comfortable being myself and talking about every aspect of myself. It's the whole best-friend/lover/committed partner thing that really seals the deal.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: Nixie
Sometimes when I think about him, my chest starts to feel funny.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Nixie
If you have to ask, then you don't.

I disagree because it's not always easy to figure out what you're feeling. You may feel strongly for the person but yet not be in love. You can enjoy being with someone, comfortable, feel drawn to them, and realize it was love later on. I've heard some people say that sometimes it just hits them out of the blue that they are in love. It wasn't something they just knew or were expecting. It just happened.
 
I've heard some people say that sometimes it just hits them out of the blue that they are in love. It wasn't something they just knew or were expecting. It just happened.

Yes, I have experienced that kind of love once and for me it came with absolute certainty. The relationship is long gone now, but I still know that I love that person and will love them for the rest of my life, just because of who they are, rather than what they mean to me personally. It's a very deep sense of knowing, something I don't need to question or analyse. But I have also experienced the slow kind of love, where it took me four years to realise I loved my ex-boyfriend, and by the time I knew for sure I no longer had any reason to tell him. :D

So perhaps it's more a sense of being sure of yourself, rather than being sure of the person you direct those feelings toward. To be able to open up a part of yourself that is more vulnerable and powerful than any other, and then learn to not close it again after love ends in disappointment and pain and whatever else. That's all I know so far. Nothing substantial, just feelings, feelings, feelings...

I wonder how often doubt and fear kills love, or stifles it before it even begins? A pattern I'm learning to recognise in myself.
 
It is somebody who can see you for all that you are, even your worst sides and still accept you. Somebody that completes you and gives everything else so much more meaning. Somebody that you can not stop thinking about and you put this persons feelings and needs before your own. For me that is when I know.
 
I'm not sure what defines love . If it's powerful overwhelming feeling then I don't think I've ever experience it. I've been in relationships where I really care for that person, I enjoy having them around and them not having them around makes me unhappy but I can't say I've ever fallen head over heels for a person. I've never broken down crying when a relationship ended.

I really do want to know what love is. I want you to show me...sorry about that.
 
I envision them in my future.
 
When that person is your other half. When you complete each other.

That's all I've got. I'm very weary on the subject.
 
I am experiencing true love for the first time in my life. It's painful and pleasurable at the same time, the feeling that grows in my chest to the point i feel like exploding. My love, always om my mind. What is he doing? Trivial things, the way he holds the spoon while stirring his coffe. I'm not complete without him, i feel lost and empty. I'm both brave, confident and so very shy by his side. He makes me feel like a strong person at the same time as i feel like a child. When he look into my eyes, i feel like i'm melting. He sees me for me, and i can be everything i am. And there is nothing i whon't do for him. Cliche? Maybe, but true.
 
i go out of my way to communicate my feelings to them (not easy), i value their opinion, we have deep conversations, their hugs feel protective and warm, i compromise (a biggie--i'm very independent and used to getting my own way). i get the feeling of attachment, i miss them when i'm not with them, i'm constantly thinking about them and the things they think about and like, and i build them into my life. lots of inside jokes... :mhula:
 
Do we expect more than most of us can get?
[MENTION=1069]Jana[/MENTION], I did. My expectations came from what I had to offer and how I offered it. I suspect I learned at a young age those I liked a lot were usually taken or not settled down enough for me. That "perfect" someone eluded me, and if I ever met her I most likely would not have confronted her correctly if at all.
Met a girl on vacation at age 14 1/2 that was that perfect one for me. She lived far away. We wrote for over two years. She had to tell me she needed to find someone else because we were never together then. I sometimes wonder what would have happened had I moved to her city and tried to live on my own at age 14, 15, or 16. I was a fool for not trying.
Found someone finally that keeps me guessing, curious, and eventful enough to know I love her. I know she loves me, too. We don't get along perfectly all the time, but who does? I love her enough not to leave her over the years, and I had a history of that.