How do you feel about being chased? | Page 3 | INFJ Forum

How do you feel about being chased?

gloomy-optimist said:
Usually, though, I feel like the people that chase me are doing so because they want to fill a void in themselves. That doesn't feel real to me.
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YES. Totally know what you mean. I hate when people do that. I want somebody to actually want me, not be looking for someone to make them feel better about something for a while. Where I live, there's some guys who think that they just need to get married because it's the right thing to do or something like that. What the heck is that all about?
 
Passion Incarnate said:
YES. Totally know what you mean. I hate when people do that. I want somebody to actually want me, not be looking for someone to make them feel better about something for a while. Where I live, there's some guys who think that they just need to get married because it's the right thing to do or something like that. What the heck is that all about?
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I dunno, but I'm not interested! People need to learn to be happy for themselves -- relationships can't do that for them.
 
Ria said:
I feel inner anguish when I am chased.

The anguish comes from the knowledge of the truths about my most inner vulnerabilities being potentially harmed, yet again if I am interested in the person too...

Usually if I am interested in someone, or if someone is interested in me and is actively persuing me, I will feel a ton of fear and pressure and just flee the room.
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I feel your pain. Sigh. Why can't I just enjoy it when people show interest? All it does is make me stressed. I hate the dating game. I'd rather just skip to the part where I'm with someone who actually cares about me.

Bored Now said:
i'm terrified of you Nf men. I feel like I'm going to break you. *sad face*
I think the randomness of my personality allows people to glom onto parts of me that fit into what they want and ignore the rest.

You have to be an exceptional man for me to chase you. I don't know, I'm used to being chased.
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Brilliant post. Ditto.

solongotgon said:
Secretly every girl wants to be chase to a certain degree. Knowing that you have the emotions of a certain someone can give temporary pleasure, power but eventually it fades.
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This is true. Good point.
 
gloomy-optimist said:
I dunno, but I'm not interested! People need to learn to be happy for themselves -- relationships can't do that for them.
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I know I do want to get married and have a family someday, but yes you are very right, people don't magically become happy by getting into a relationship. I don't want to tie myself down to anybody until I am completely secure in who I am.
 
Why do women like to be chased it's retarded. I mean, it works out for me perfectly because I'm usually doing the chasing but I'd rather have a girl who KNOWS what she wants and how to get it. No pushy, persay, just someone who doesn't have to wait to be chased who will initiate themselves.
 
slant said:
Why do women like to be chased it's retarded. I mean, it works out for me perfectly because I'm usually doing the chasing but I'd rather have a girl who KNOWS what she wants and how to get it. No pushy, persay, just someone who doesn't have to wait to be chased who will initiate themselves.
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Hee, silly rabbit. What makes you think I *don't* initiate the chase in the first place? If you're not my type, there is no chase. I only run to test stamina.
 
What kinds of people usually pursue you as a potential love interest?
Confident...and also the arrogant >->... boys; alpha male types [why???!!!]; intelligent types; troubled types who attach on to me after I have only a few "deep" conversations with them; meh

Do those people that pursue you usually "match up" with you and your personality?
No. I always feel that they're just pursuing to be domineering or to prove something. ughs.

Do you find that you attract others who don't "match up" with you? Why or why not?
I don't know D:. Because I seem unattainable? I don't show manifestations of attraction to anyone really, and perhaps dudes find that intriguing? ...I know I'm an enigma, though. :m190:.

Have you ever found that you like someone less if they are chasing you than if you are chasing them?
I don't like anyone either way to do any chasing on my own or to have my perceptions of the other person change if he is chasing me. Though, I am greatly turned off if I find him to be acting desperate...hello, control freak.
 
<- scratches head and wonders if he's ever been "chased"

For what it's worth, my last 3 love interests were ESFP/ENFJ/INTJ. I guess they all pursued me to some extent, so if you're looking for other Myer's Briggs info, there it is for this guy...

I'm really not sure if I've been chased, but I will add that in terms of friendship, I tend to sometimes befriend women who are looking for more then friendship, and I'm clueless to it. I've had this happen a few times in the past few years. I thought I was being a good friend, and then eventually my eyes open (or somebody points it out to me), and then I see. In all cases, the friendship desinegrates too, which is a shame. I find that I get pushed around, and because I don't like the conflict, I tip toe away as best I possibly can...
 
What kinds of people usually pursue you as a potential love interest?

Lately, an istp acts interested.

Do those people that pursue you usually "match up" with you and your personality?

No. At first, it seems like we'd get along just fine because we both have introverted, mellow personalities. But then, beside introversion, we discover that we do not have many of the same interests.

Do you find that you attract others who don't "match up" with you? Why or why not?



Restraint said:
When you're nice and don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, people take you for a fool, and make every effort to take advantage of this niceness. They think that you're easier to control and manipulate because they assume you won't put up a resistance.
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Yes. I agree with what Restraint said here about attracting people who think you are easier to control and manipulate. One person continually invited me to spend time with him, but when we were together I was often the object of ridicule.
 
gloomy-optimist said:
I tend to be chased by people who don't know me too well, but think they do. They usually like one facet of my personality.

Usually, though, I feel like the people that chase me are doing so because they want to fill a void in themselves. That doesn't feel real to me.
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very nice observation. I sometimes sensed that too and I end up being the strong one int he relationship. That kind of relationship can be exhausting, even for INFJs.
 
solongotgon said:
I sometimes sensed that too and I end up being the strong one int he relationship. That kind of relationship can be exhausting, even for INFJs.
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Certainly true.

analyst said:
I'm really not sure if I've been chased, but I will add that in terms of friendship, I tend to sometimes befriend women who are looking for more then friendship, and I'm clueless to it. I've had this happen a few times in the past few years. I thought I was being a good friend, and then eventually my eyes open (or somebody points it out to me), and then I see. In all cases, the friendship desinegrates too, which is a shame. I find that I get pushed around, and because I don't like the conflict, I tip toe away as best I possibly can...
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Yeah, it's a shame when that happens... sigh. I'm kind of going through that right now (good ol' INFJ drama). A very close friend of mine, I found out, has been in love with me for the past two years, but I only saw him as a friend... and I'm a little worried about whether or not our friendship will be able to last if he tries to begin something but I turn him down.

Appoggiatura said:
troubled types who attach on to me after I have only a few "deep" conversations with them; meh

Though, I am greatly turned off if I find him to be acting desperate...hello, control freak.
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Same thing has happened to me; they get very clingy for sure.

And I feel very uncomfortable with the "control freak" scenario. I currently have an INTJ stalker, which is what provoked my beginning this thread! I am honestly really scared. I directly, and I mean directly, told him that I wasn't interested, and so did my roommate, but he is quite the persistent little bugger. He brought me a ton of chocolate today, and keeps buying stuff for me. He visits my apartment often, obviously not welcome but does it anyway. We have a whiteboard in the living room, and he wrote down this quote: "When the odds are against you, chances are the evens are on your side." Creepy much? I can hear sound effects from Psycho in the background.

Solar Empath said:
The only time I was chased was by a female stalker type, so .. no, if it's like that then I don't like it.

Also, I assume that being chased is stronger then being pursued?
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Yeah, I would say "chased" is stronger than "pursued".
 
i feel like a robber....
:m168:
because i stole their hearts

bwahahhahaa

uhmm... i feel creeped out

and i don't chase anyone... i don't like being aggressive
 
I've never been pursued. I'm honestly just not what women want at first sight (on the shallower levels I mean). The women I've pursued have only fallen in love with me after consider time getting to know me.

I guess the sexual attraction game is just not the one I'm good at.
 
There were a couple of times when I was younger that someone would chase me. The part that was disturbing to me was when they assumed their desire entitled them to me, and they would direct social pressure or anger towards me if I didn't comply. I think part of their attraction was my subdued demeanor, and they wanted to feel the security of controlling someone. I appreciate respect or admiration, but that entitlement problem I can certainly live without.
 
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