How do you feel about being chased? | INFJ Forum

How do you feel about being chased?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by ]L%;Zwnj, Oct 28, 2009.

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  1. ]L%;Zwnj

    ]L%;Zwnj Regular Poster

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    What kinds of people usually pursue you as a potential love interest?

    Do those people that pursue you usually "match up" with you and your personality?

    Do you find that you attract others who don't "match up" with you? Why or why not?

    Have you ever found that you like someone less if they are chasing you than if you are chasing them?


    (When it comes to the dating game, I find that I am "chased" by people who, for me, would make great friends but no more than that... most often it's INTJs but sometimes Es/nFPs. And, when I see that a guy is trying really hard to date me seriously, I suddenly like them a lot less. Not sure why. Maybe I am being too judgmental of guys that I date and I should give the guys that pursue me a chance.)
     
  2. Billy

    Billy Contents Under Pressure
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    I like being chased, I like attention. The girls who chase me these days though tend to be people I am not so interested in as lovers or a gf...
     
  3. Gaze

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    Great topic.

    Do you find that you attract others who don't "match up" with you? Why or why not?
    - in some ways, yes.

    Have you ever found that you like someone less if they are chasing you than if you are chasing them?
    - yes, i do.
     
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    #3 Gaze, Oct 28, 2009
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  4. sassafras

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    I predominantly attract extroverted-sensory types. ESFP's in general, if I can hazard a guess... although my last two boyfriends were both ENTJ's.

    I don't mind being "chased" at all. I find it extremely flattering, although I shy away from folks who come on way too strong. Sometimes its because I get bored, sometimes its because I get the feeling that they're only in it for one thing. And sometimes because they get really annoying.

    I like my partners to enjoy my company, but I also want them to have their own lives. If I'm the center of attention all the time, it's really taxing on my energy.
     
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  5. Nela

    Nela Community Member

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    What kinds of people usually pursue you as a potential love interest?
    Never really thought of that.. Usually extroverts, it seems.

    Do those people that pursue you usually "match up" with you and your personality?
    Hm no. Usually not.

    Do you find that you attract others who don't "match up" with you? Why or why not?
    Yes. I don't really know why. Most people do not "match up" with me. I find it too hard to have any kind of a connection with people these days.

    Have you ever found that you like someone less if they are chasing you than if you are chasing them?
    It makes no difference to me, to be honest.
     
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  6. NeverAmI

    NeverAmI Satisclassifaction
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    What kinds of people usually pursue you as a potential love interest?
    I have been chased very little. If you knew me outside of these forums, you would see that I am not a horribly approachable person. I am much more approachable at work, but I don't smile very often and it can give off the wrong signal.

    From those that HAVE persued me, almost every one of them has misunderstood me, yet knew that I was a good person.

    Do those people that pursue you usually "match up" with you and your personality?
    No, although I am not saying that anyone that ever pursued me didn't match up.


    Do you find that you attract others who don't "match up" with you? Why or why not?
    No, I don't believe that I attract "bad ones" or anything like that. I just think that it is extremely rare for a woman to match up with me.

    I am a horribly complex person, and it is very hard to make all those cogs in the gears match up.


    Have you ever found that you like someone less if they are chasing you than if you are chasing them?
    Yes, I think anyone that can't say yes to this either hasn't been pursued enough or they are lying to themselves.
     
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  7. OP
    ]L%;Zwnj

    ]L%;Zwnj Regular Poster

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    I like the attention too, but not when it's someone I'm not interested in, I guess. I'm sure you understand.

    Why do you think you feel that way? I am like that too but I just can't figure out why.

    Yeah, I agree. It bothers me when someone is trying really hard because it makes them seem so desperate, so I too can't help but think there's only one thing they want out of the interaction. Definitely obnoxious. Wait a second-- I think I know why I don't like being chased all that much. A lot of the guys who have chased me aren't all that confident and try to guilt me into going out with them. If I were being chased by someone who is secure in who they are and won't want me to be the center of attention, then I think I would like the attention.

    I'm jealous :) I wonder why I attract introverts.
     
  8. OP
    ]L%;Zwnj

    ]L%;Zwnj Regular Poster

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    I'm with you on this one!
     
  9. sassafras

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    This.

    Because maybe you're extremely easy to approach? That's not a bad thing.
     
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  10. Nela

    Nela Community Member

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    Actually, I wish I attracted intoverts.. Trade? Lol.
     
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  11. Lucifer

    Lucifer Registered User #666

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    PEOPLE TEND TO FUCKING IDEALIZE ME!

    I DON'T LIKE IT!
    :m074:
     
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  12. laurie

    laurie Snowblind in Dreamland

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    The only person I'm aware of liking me at any point was an ESFJ and he was just looking for any girl who would be his girlfriend (I wasn't very fond of him). I was just a bit insulted he thought I'd say yes when he'd already asked another friend of mine out.

    I don't seem to be popular XD

    EDIT: Forgot - there was one other guy, maybe an ENFJ? But he was online and I only liked him as an online friend (I'm also not into online relationships).
     
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    #12 laurie, Oct 28, 2009
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  13. Lucifer

    Lucifer Registered User #666

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    The people I tend to attract usually aren't emotionally well, think I am something I am not, or see me as Jesus Christ.
    :m097:
    grrrrrrr
     
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  14. NeverAmI

    NeverAmI Satisclassifaction
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    YOU ARE THE SPARKLE IN MY EYE!
     
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  15. laurie

    laurie Snowblind in Dreamland

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    Aw, sounds a lot like my sister XD She keeps being asked out by very.... strange people (but she's an INTJ).
     
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  16. OP
    ]L%;Zwnj

    ]L%;Zwnj Regular Poster

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    That makes sense, I bet you're right. I try to be kind and welcoming to everyone I meet, and I smile a lot. Pro's: people like me and I make lots of friends. Con's: low-lives try to take advantage of how I don't want to hurt others by guilting me into dates.

    You've got yourself a deal!
     
  17. Gaze

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    When you're nice and don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, people take you for a fool, and make every effort to take advantage of this niceness. They think that you're easier to control and manipulate because they assume you won't put up a resistance.

    I also, tend to idealize potential partners. Been a big downfall of mine. I usually see all the positives, and learn the negatives later. I've been bit quite a bit for it.
     
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  18. NeverAmI

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    To the first paragraph, I couldn't have said it better myself. My 3rd girlfriend completely turned me inside out on myself through manipulation. She made me loathe myself inside and out. Now I have baggage. In many cases, I can smell manipulation a mile away. Sometimes I get false positives though.

    If I feel like someone is manipulating me, I can get emotional, depending on the extent to which I believe they are attempting to manipulate me. If it is serious, I will completely mind fuck them. And I will go WAY out of my way to ensure it is done properly.

    To the second part, I have gotten A LOT better, but I still suffer from it greatly.
     
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    #18 NeverAmI, Oct 28, 2009
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  19. OP
    ]L%;Zwnj

    ]L%;Zwnj Regular Poster

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    Ugh, people are frustrating.

    And I also idealize. I often don't see the negatives in someone I've been in a relationship with (who I felt strongly about) until it's over, when I'm trying to figure out why it was time for it to end, or when I'm tired of blaming myself for how things turned out.
     
  20. Puck

    Puck Perilous Pixie
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    It's bitter sweet, but I am frequently pursued by females. I really have no clue what they see in me, and their friends tend to agree with me on this point. Of course it's nice, and flattering that someone finds me attractive, but I also feel horrible, because I can't reciprocate now (married, strong values etc), and even when I could (single, strong values), I never did. It was always too implausible to me. I felt somehow it was a case of mistaken identity, even if someone was being extremely direct, I would kind of zone out. It couldn't ever be my life... I think part of it comes down to fate. That's not what I'm here for, this time. So I do my best to present a friendly but asexual front to the world. It doesn't work though. It upsets me. I'd love to have platonic female friends, without feeling that I have to be on guard.

    Anyway... the questions:

    What kinds of people usually pursue you as a potential love interest?

    I don't know, honestly. They always seem lovely, nice people. I'd love to be friends with them, from the impression they give off. Fun, genuine, sweet etc. I don't think it's a particular type though. Often girls that are a lot taller than me, but not always.

    Do those people that pursue you usually "match up" with you and your personality?

    Well the 'getting to know you' phase kind of ends when they realise I'm not available as a love interest, sadly. Chemistry is not always about personality, but I think I attract people who are on my wavelength in one way or another.

    Do you find that you attract others who don't "match up" with you? Why or why not?

    No. On a human interaction level, there are only a few kinds of people I don't match up with (they do form the larger part of the population though), and they tend to view me with condescension rather than attraction. I tend not to like them very much either, although I try to wish them well, for the sake of good karma and world peace.

    Have you ever found that you like someone less if they are chasing you than if you are chasing them?

    Um, um... I'm trying to think of specific examples. I never really did much chasing. I had some all consuming passions for people, which I contained. I suppose these unrequited fires are an unfair measuring stick by which to judge other people's genuine attempts to pursue me. I feel blessed that they liked me enough to take a chance, and I feel sad that I couldn't give them what they wanted. I don't think less of them. I wish them well, and afterwards wish that we could have been friends.
     
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